Branches and Trees

Musings on Marriage

Author: Shari Baar (Page 1 of 22)

Change Who???

August 18, 2026 / / 0 Comments

About 25 years ago, our family traveled to Idaho to celebrate my parents’ 50th wedding anniversary. I don’t remember every detail, but at their home my mom and dad were bickering in the kitchen over something trivial. From the den, I overheard part of their exchange. Then my mom went outside to pick vegetables from the garden. After 25 years I still remember my dad’s next words to me:

“Your mom and I have been married for 50 years and

she’s still trying to change me.”

Those words hit me like a flash of lightning because for 25 years I had been trying to do the same thing. Apparently, the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.  Immediately I vowed to find a way to love my husband for who he is and not for who I hope he will be in the future.

I’m embarrassed to say that it took this statement from my dad to finally read my first book about marriage, Sacred Influence by Gary Thomas.

Our marriage has always been committed, but not always loving, encouraging, and peaceful.  In the first chapter of Sacred Influence, Thomas writes that although there are many good books on marriage written by women for women to encourage them in their marriages, he thought it might be helpful to write some male insights into men’s thoughts and feelings.

Thomas starts by stating God loves women.  He feels passion for you when you cry, in fact he cries with you.  He wants your marriage to be fulfilling and satisfying.  Gary writes,

“God knows that men can provide great strength, nurture, comfort, and security, but also that they can be frustrating, terrifying, demanding, and selfish.”

Then he goes on to remark that there is no way we can change a man, but that we can learn to influence him or move him – a far subtler art.  Remarkably, Gary goes on to say that your husband isn’t the only imperfect person in the relationship.  Now that was one of my problems earlier on, I thought I was OK just like I was and that the whole problem in our marriage was him.  But one day God showed me that I was also a part of the problem – what a shocking revelation!

As I was trying to digest this scandalous new mindset I realized there is only one person in the world I can change, and that’s me.  After the initial shock of this enlightening insight, so much pressure has been taken from me to know that I can’t, and finally don’t want to change Dad, but I can become more patient, kind, and loving, then leave the rest up to God.  That too, was a new concept to me – letting God do the work that only He can do.

But before I can love, I must believe that I am loved by God because I simply cannot love well on my own.

I love the words from Lauren Daigle when she pours out her heart to God:

     You say I am loved, when I don’t feel a thing

     You say I am strong, when I feel I am weak

     You say I am held, when I am falling short

     And when I don’t belong, Oh You say I am yours.

              And I believe….

Yes, I believe.  I must believe that God loves me before I can love anyone well.  Believing has been some of the hardest work I have ever done, but also some of the most life-saving work God has done through me.

Some days I find myself reverting back into my old, ingrained ways of thinking, but little by little I am learning, growing, trusting and changing…

Clod Throwing

July 29, 2026 / / 2 Comments

One of the summer jobs I had as a high schooler was Clod Picker.  It was not glamorous, but I earned an income while working the potato harvest in Idaho.  The job went like this: A huge potato harvester was brought into the field of ripe potatoes.  On top of the harvester was a conveyer belt bringing potatoes, stones and dirt clods from the land beneath.  Because this was decades before the advent of AI, my job was to discern which were potatoes and which weren’t – tossing out the latter.  I must have caught on quickly because Mr. Hohnhorst kept me on for the entire harvest.

Oddly enough, as I watch the mid-term election process in our country, I am reminded of my summer job decades ago. I am saddened at the judgment and blame that is being tossed from side to side.  Stones and clods are thrown around toward anyone who differs from me and my tribe.

I have read many op-eds from various viewpoints, and I lament that Christians sound way too much like the world.

As I remember, Jesus never criticized or condemned Ceaser Augustus, Herod, Pontius Pilate, or any other governing leader of His time. I also don’t recall any Biblical teachings where we as the church are instructed to go out and ridicule, debase, or mock our leaders.

 Jesus never criticized the barbaric Roman government in which He was under authority.  He never said,

“Those Romans, they are the most unjust, deplorable people ever.  They are racists, have no respect for life, taxes are out of control, in fact the old man King Herod tried to kill me when I was a baby, forcing me and my family to flee to Egypt.”   

Instead, He told his followers to pay their taxes without complaining:

Give Caesar what is Caesar’s and God what is God’s.

The Roman government completely ignored Jesus of Nazareth, except when he was born and when he was sentenced to death.  At his death Pilate pretended innocence, washing his hands of the situation.

Jesus knew He belonged to another kingdom, not of this world.  His kingdom was one of self-sacrifice, humility and love, and He Himself was under the authority of His Father the True King.  He prayed for wisdom, trusted his Father and went about doing good.

I wonder what this world would look like if instead of judging, slandering and dissecting every news clip, we prayed for those in authority over us as instructed in Paul’s letter to Timothy:

I urge you, first of all, to pray for all people.  Ask God to help them, intercede on their behalf, and give thanks for them.   Pray this way for Kings and all who are in authority so that we can live peaceful and quiet lives, marked by godliness and dignity.  This is good and pleases God our Savior…1 Timothy 2:1-2

Paul also wrote to Titus:

Be subject to rulers and authorities, obedient, ready to do whatever is good.  Slander no one, be peaceable and considerate, showing true humility toward all men. Titus 3:1

The Bible is surprising and intrusive with its use of the word all. We are instructed to pray for all those who are in positions of authority over us, just as we are to show true humility toward all.  Unfortunately, there are no exceptions given to anyone at any time. 

As Christians, if we are a part of another Kingdom – the Kingdom of Heaven – shouldn’t we behave differently than the ways of the Kingdom of the United States of America? Throwing out rocks and clods from a potato harvester is good, throwing verbal rocks and clods at people is not.

I wonder – if we humbled ourselves, confessing our own sins instead of pointing out those of others, praying for those in authority, caring for the weak – what change would occur in our country?

Known, Seen, Loved

June 10, 2026 / / 0 Comments

A few years ago I had a terrible, horrible, very bad, no good day.  I woke up feeling physically and emotionally fragile – which happens every now and again.  You know the feeling?  It was dreary out, actually a pelting rainstorm as I was driving to meet with some friends I hadn’t seen in a while.  Somehow I didn’t get the memo of the change of location, so after driving 20 minutes to the normal meeting spot, a kind man told me the meeting had been moved. He gave me the new address, so I walked out to the car and promptly fell apart, weeping.

Really?  Just because I didn’t hear about the change?  How immature and silly of me, I told myself.  I vacillated between giving up and going home or seeking out the new meeting spot. In the end I put on my big girl panties and ventured out in the storm again, going another 15 minutes in the torrential storm to find the changed location at which I finally arrived.  All the way there I was feeling forgotten, unseen, alone and back to my 13-year-old self when I had been left alone because of a misunderstanding of a meeting place in another state, decades ago.

How quicky one single trigger can bring us back to less than desirable thoughts of what has happened in the past – feeling lost and alone, thinking no one cares, or worse that someone deliberately left us out.

When I finally arrived to the true meeting spot, I was greeted warmly by my friends, but the topic of conversation (in my head) circled around to more times of rejection in the past – some deliberate, others only perceived -so I fought back tears most of the time.  At the end I planned to quickly jet out the door when no one was looking, and my plan worked…almost.

Michelle caught me and asked if I was OK.  Of course, I was not and I wanted to lie saying, Yes, I’m fine, just feeling quiet today.  But, since I’m not a very good liar, when I opened my mouth the tears started streaming again.  I told her what had happened – the miscommunication, the perceived hurt and all the other thoughts swirling in my mind.  Then in her kind, caring voice she said

You know those are lies, right?

Right.  Of course, they’re lies.  Sheesh, I know about lies from the enemy, voices from my past, I have been teaching it to others for years.  So how did I get caught in this downward spiral of self-disdain, loathing and hopelessness? 

It’s embarrassing to forget everything I know and give in to the emotions of the moment, but somedays it happens so unexpectedly and sneakily that I don’t know when the floodgate opens.

So when I finally returned home, I cried out to God to remind me that I am Known, Seen and Loved – whether I feel like it or not.  I know I cannot let others’ opinions of me be the final word, especially when those words were spoken so long ago.  I need to go back even farther in time and listen to the words my Father God tells me:

“Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet My unfailing love for you will not be shaken, nor my covenant of peace be removed,” says the Lord who has compassion on you.

Isaiah 54:10

I have loved you with an everlasting love.  With unfailing love, I have drawn you to myself.

Jeremiah 31:3

The clamor of voices from the media and others around you, telling you you’re not smart enough, pretty enough, or enough in any way are simply distractions to keep you from the simple truth that you are loved just as you are. 

We are not what we do.

We are not what we have.

We are not what others think of us.

Coming home is claiming the Truth.

I am a beloved child of God.

We no longer need to beg permission from the world to exist.

Henri Nouwen

Love, Mom

Go Slow

May 26, 2026 / / 0 Comments

When I was in junior high, my friends used to call me  Spider Fingers because I loved to play difficult songs loud and fast.  I hated playing slow songs – they were so boring.  Plus, all the kids were impressed when I played fast and loud, and who doesn’t want to impress their junior high friends?

Later, in college, Professor Worst often told me, Slow down, Shari. Your music will have more life if you play slowly. Breathe….

Years ago, when I walked with my friends I loved to walk fast.  We would walk and talk quickly for 4 miles.  Then sometimes my mom would fly out from Idaho to visit and just she and I would go for a walk.  I would be silently annoyed because she walked slower than I, but I would grudgingly adapt to her speed.

When you are on the I-89 in Utah and the gas gauge on your car is near empty and there’s not a gas station for another 52 miles, what’s the best thing to do?  Slow down so your mileage goes up and maybe, just maybe you can make it to the next town before the tank is empty.  (It didn’t always work for us, but in theory it should.)

In my younger years I wanted to be efficient, multi-task, get the most done in the least amount of time.  Isn’t that the way a good woman should be?  I wanted to do my best for God, which meant to do it quickly and well, or so I thought.  I expected the same from God: He should be efficient, answer my prayers soon – maybe not quickly – but I really shouldn’t have to wait too long, should I?

And then I got sick and was laid low, on my back, for weeks which turned into months.  I couldn’t walk around the block, much less walk fast around the block.  I was irritated and angry that I didn’t get better quickly.

One day as I was on the couch, laying down and looking up, I read in Isaiah the following words that jumped out from the page:

Woe to those who say, ‘Let God hurry and carry out His plans so that we can see something happening and know that His word is true.’

I was shocked, surprised and hurt to read that God was in no hurry to answer my prayers of healing or of anything else I desired, in fact there was a woe attached to hurry.  In the past I had been so busy that I had not listened to his voice that also said

Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for Him.

Psalm 37:7

A few years ago I was practicing the song Breathe on the piano. It had some difficult parts in it when I was keeping the same speed throughout. But as I was working out the hard spots, having to go slow, I noticed a beauty I hadn’t heard before.  I found that if I took extra time and breathed into the song – sometimes of slowing, stretching the tempo – it came alive and was much more beautiful than simply trying to keep the challenging parts the same speed as the rest of the song.  I needed to be reminded again, Go slow.  Especially the hard parts.

Eventually I was able to get up and around again after my time on the couch, but I have learned and am still learning to remember to go slow, take time, and

Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.

Psalm 27:14.

I assume that because the phrase wait for the Lord appears twice in that short verse, God is emphasizing the importance of waiting. As Ann Voskamp often says,

Life is not an emergency. Breathe….

 When we invite God into the hard parts of life, He will bring about change – but never in a hurry.

The amazing thing is that while I was on the couch God did an important reconciling work between me and others close to me.  In the world’s eyes I was not at all productive, but in that time of slowdown He did some important, humbling work in me that could have never been done during my busy life.

Good relationships matter far more than a too busy lifestyle. I know God will work through every detail, hurt, and concern in you and your people in His time.

Trust Him with your life and go slow.

Artemis II: A Journey Through Space and Faith

April 23, 2026 / / 0 Comments

I have watched with fascination the journey of Artemis II as it traveled 694,000 miles in 10 days.  From its take-off on April 1 to splashdown April 10, I have been in awe about how mere man has invented a vehicle able to travel so many miles at such a high speed and yet able to slow from an incoming speed of 24,000 mph to only 20 mph at splashdown.  And all this with keeping four human beings safe for 10 days in the relatively tiny capsule.

But what amazes me even more are the pictures that were taken as the crew was traveling around the moon itself.  The “earthrise” picture is stunning especially as contrasted with the surface of the moon.  The moon looks like a desolate pocked rock with no life because of the extreme temperatures which vary between +260 and -280 degrees, depending on which part of the sun it is facing.  In contrast, the little blue dot we call earth is gorgeous as it rises above the rim of the moon. 

Victor Glover, one of the astronauts, said that from a distance the earth looks like an oasis in the middle of vast nothingness.  Indeed it is – there is no other planet viable for humans except our dear Planet Earth.

In our solar system we have eight planets orbiting around the sun, but Earth is the only one inhabitable by humans – or anything living at all.  Mercury, the closest to the sun, is a bit too warm at 800 degrees.  Venus is even hotter, plus its atmosphere is pure poison.  Mars isn’t hot but is cold and dry with dust storms covering the entire planet. Ice is found on Mars, but there is no liquid water to drink.  Both Jupiter and Saturn are made up of hydrogen and helium gases so it’s tough to walk around or breathe.   Uranus is a beautiful blue color but is full of methane gas.  Neptune is 30 times farther from the sun than Earth, making it extremely cold with winds reaching up to 1,500 miles per hour.

Earth uniquely has the correct temperature, soil, air and water conditions for life.  This is often called The Goldilocks Zone – not too hot, not too cold, but just right.  Of course we know why Earth is the perfect place for humans, animals and plants to live.  Page one of the Bible tells us that God spoke our world into being and said, “It is good.”

I marvel at our universe, our home here on Planet Earth, and our amazing God who created it all.  But I’m not the first one to be in awe.  Whoever wrote Psalm 33 thought the same:

“The heavens were made by the word of the LORD,

And all the stars, by the breath of His mouth…

Let the whole earth fear the LORD;

Let all the inhabitants of the world stand in awe of Him.

For He spoke, and it came into being;

He commanded, and it came into existence…

The Lord looks down from heaven; He observes everyone.

He gazes on all the inhabitants of the earth

From His dwelling place.

He forms the hearts of them all; He considers all their works…

But look, the Lord keeps His eye on those who fear Him –

Those who depend on His faithful love…

For our hearts rejoice in Him

Because we trust in His Holy name.

May your faithful love rest on us, LORD, for we put our hope in you.”

Psalm 33:6-22

The same God who spoke the world into existence, designing the galaxies by His wisdom is so far above my ability to comprehend.  He is transcendent and unfathomable.

And yet He is near, He formed my heart and yours; and more than anything He would love for us to love Him. As Victor Glover, the first black man in space, said “God told us to love Him with all that we are and love our neighbors as ourselves.”  What a profound statement to make as he is in the process of orbiting the moon.  Yet, that’s what we were created for, to praise and love our Creator as well as those He has generously given us.

Love doesn’t change, neither does God – whether we are orbiting the moon or living here on earth.  He’ll love you to the moon and back.

The War Between Persia and Israel

March 14, 2026 / / 0 Comments

Iran has a land mass which is 80 times larger than Israel.  Iran is the modern-day Persia, as in the days of Esther of Biblical fame.  Remember the story when Haman wanted to wipe out all the Jews living in Persia around 470 B.C?  Esther was a Jewess and because of her position as Queen of Persia, she was encouraged by her cousin Mordecai to go before King Xerxes and plead for her people, the Jews.  Esther approached the king, revealed Haman’s evil intentions, and as a result, Haman was executed—preventing the extermination of millions of Jews.   

In the Biblical book of Esther, the name of God is not mentioned even once, and yet everything that happens point to His fingerprints.  (You may want to read the story, it is fascinating!)

I can’t help but see parallels between the story of Esther, almost 2500 years ago, and the war going on today between Iran (Persia) and Israel. Many nations and people would love to see the nation of Israel destroyed – but why?  Why would Iran despise Israel so much even though they seem to be a small David compared to the Goliath Iran?

Adolf Hitler tried to annihilate the Jews, and he seemed to be doing well in his plans, yet he was stopped before his mission was complete.

I know the aspects of this war are way beyond my understanding and I won’t even pretend to know all that is going on between Iran, United States and Israel.  But I do believe there is a spiritual battle amid all this, and I choose to war through praising the God of Israel who also happens to be my God…. thus the reason for posting this song.  It sings of a battle fought by trusting God and His work in the spiritual realm as we live on this earth in the physical realm. 

I was introduced to this song a few weeks ago and it has quickly become my favorite during this time of unrest and uncertainty.

Anxiety and the O.T.

February 23, 2026 / / 0 Comments

I used to be embarrassed by the Old Testament.  With all the traumatic events mentioned during those thousands of years – murder, sexual exploitation, military invasions, natural disasters, political scandals, family dysfunction – I used to think it was all a bit too racy to be included in a holy book.  I remember thinking,

“If I were God and wanted people to love and believe in me, I would have sanitized those stories and kept out the ugliest sections…”

Good thing I’m not God…

The older I get and the more time I spend reading the Old Testament, the more I’m amazed at how comforting it is to read about people who have lived through dreadful life stories and have come through with even greater trust in their Creator. 

Remember Moses?   When God chose him to deliver His people from slavery in Egypt, he gave God every possible reason why he shouldn’t be the one.  He was not an orator, he was scared, nervous and tried to convince God to choose someone else.  Moses had murdered an Egyptian 40 years earlier and had extreme fear and trembling, unconvinced he was the one to lead a million people cross-country through the desert.  Yet he reluctantly agreed.  God showed up when He said he would, working through Moses with his brother Aaron as his mouthpiece, and the rest is 40 years of desert history.

Naomi was the widow who lost not only her husband but both sons to death within ten years.  She asked others to call her Mara, meaning bitter, instead of Naomi, which means pleasant.  Naomi said,

“The Strong One has dealt me a bitter blow.  I left here [Bethlehem] full of life and God has brought me back with nothing but the clothes on my back.  Why would you call me Naomi?  God certainly doesn’t. The Strong One ruined me.”  Ruth 1:20

 God allowed those words of hers to be recorded for millions of others to read.  Even though she had given up on God, He had not given up on her and planned a good ending for the tragic story she was living.  When she returned to her home in Bethlehem along with her daughter-in-law Ruth, God provided a husband for Ruth, who in turn gave birth to a son who ended up becoming an ancestor of King David and was one of the few women named in the genealogy of Jesus Christ. 

God isn’t afraid of letting it be known publicly that His people often don’t trust Him.  He’s not ashamed that He is perceived as harsh, unfair and demanding.  He lets us speak our emotions, even though they may not be the truth about who He is. Yet He humbly conceals Himself as he works all things together for good – to those who love him.  As C.S. Lewis writes:

“We may ignore but we can in no way evade the presence of God. 

The world is crowded with him.

He walks everywhere incognito.”

My friend Kara’s favorite story in the OT is about Samson.  Samson the womanizer, the royal screw-up, the proud and arrogant man who disobeyed God and lived a haughty and egotistical life.  Yet in the end he was humbled, and God was able to do mighty things through him.

Samson is the last Biblical person I would admire, yet that story gave my friend great hope that even with all her failures and sin, God is redeeming her life in amazing ways.  His mercies never fail, and His ways never cease to surprise me.

Whenever we read FB and IG posts of seemingly perfect people and families, taken at a moment of peace and success, we seem to assume this is everyday normal for them.  The Old Testament, however, shows characters as real people – their struggles, weaknesses, failures and joys – and how God works through all of them to bring about good.  The stories relieve my anxiety because it’s not the people themselves who pose as heroes but as fallen humans in the hands of a merciful God.

Do not fear for I am with you;

Do not be dismayed for I am your God;

I will strengthen you and help you;

I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. 

Isaiah 41:10

These stories give me great confidence.  When I see how God worked through all those people of old, how He was never in a hurry, how He continued to forgive, how His love was long-suffering and patient – it gives me hope.  It helps me trust that He is working in my story as well.

When I look at all the uncertainty of our age, the anger and divisions between people groups, the pandemic of fear and anxiety trying to infect us all – I stop and read these stories.  I read and re-read them, and it brings me peace.  This is not the first time the world has been a tough place to live, and it won’t be the last – there is indeed nothing new under the sun. 

Take heart and know God cares about you, just like all those people who lived thousands of years ago.  He has not forgotten you. God is who he says he is, He keeps his promises and is the same yesterday, today and forever.

When the Lies Slither In

January 15, 2026 / / 0 Comments

Since our Christmas decorations are still up and because I love seeing lights shine in the dark, I will post a past Christmas memory….

About 20 years ago, our daughters and families were over for our Christmas celebration.  As our tradition has been for many years, every person must hunt for one of their presents.  We are each given 10 clues and at the end of the search there is always a gift to reward the searcher. 

Well, this particular year I successfully got to the end of my 10 clues and for some reason, the gift space was empty.  Immediately, words seared into my mind:

Yep, this is always your life.  You try hard, you work hard, but there will never be any reward for you….

I put on a happy face and tried to laugh about it but inside I was weeping, hurt and trying not to believe those ugly words in my head.  I knew the empty spot was not left intentionally, but it was empty – and those words ricocheted through my mind.

To be fair, this happened during a time when I was going through a particularly difficult menopause spell, rejection from people I loved, and a chronic illness.  But whatever the back story is, words and wounds in life – either perceived or actual – always hurt.

We have all received empty spaces, lies or worse when we had hoped for applause, compliments or a simple gift.  Ugly, stained words from those we love, or even mere acquaintances, leave a memorable imprint on our soul.

But it’s not just the words coming from people that hurt us.  Sometimes it’s the lies in our head that have been playing on repeat for years – spoken lies or words we presume others think about us.

I remember as I was suffering from that chronic health condition, lies began to creep in my mind

God’s forgotten about me, why else would I never get better?

I’ve just slipped through the cracks and God doesn’t care…

No one had ever spoken those lies to me, but you and I have an enemy who loves to slither into our minds, speaking words which are untrue.  Lies.  Singular first person lies which tempt us to think those thoughts are our own.

As Joyce Meyers writes in her book “Battlefield of the Mind”

One of the greatest revelations of my life is: I can choose my thoughts and think things on purpose.  In other words, I don’t have to just think about whatever falls into my mind.

I have learned since then that I have a choice about what I allow into my mind.  I may accept negative messages about myself, such as

I am worthless

I am unlovable

 I’m a failure

God’s forgotten about me

-Or-

I can choose to believe what God says about me,

I am loved by God

I am a chosen, beautiful child of God

God created me for a purpose

God has promised to never leave or forsake me

When we forget who we are, when circumstances around us seem to indicate God no longer cares, we can still believe He is for us and not against us.  He is always working for our good.  We can forgive those who have labeled us with lies, knowing that Jesus always uses those hardships to make us stronger and more like Him. Tim Keller says it so well:

In some mysterious way, troubles and suffering refine us like gold and turn us, inwardly and spiritually, into something beautiful and great.

When Jesus came down to earth 20 centuries ago, He came directly into the darkness of our humanity.  The Roman Empire at that time was corrupt, brutal, dark, inhumane and heartless.  Interestingly, he didn’t start explaining the darkness and why it was there. He didn’t condemn the Empire, He simply came into it (Immanuel – God with us) and was Himself a light, showing us the way out of darkness.  He presented us with new life and the strength to live that new life, the way of love.

When dark and unexpected thoughts come into your mind uninvited, invite Jesus and His love for you to replace those lies with the Truth.   His specialty is bringing good from suffering, correcting wrongs, renewing all things, and teaching us to trust.   When we replace those lies with Truth, we can love freely, forgive abundantly; we will find joy, freedom and contentment – even in a world which seems out of control.

The Gift of Thorns

November 23, 2025 / / 0 Comments

My friend, Lori, has lived in a wheelchair for over 25 years following a car accident.  Yet, she is one of the most content people I know.  When visiting her I marvel at the grace, gratitude and peace she exudes.  She knows that someday she will stand in the presence of Jesus Christ and her body will be whole, so is content to do what she can until that time comes.

She shared the following story with me a few years ago.

Sandra felt as low as the heels of her shoes as she pushed against a November gust and the florist shop door.  Her life had been easy, like a spring breeze.  Then in the fourth month of her second pregnancy, a minor automobile accident stole that from her.

During this Thanksgiving week she would have delivered a son.  She grieved over her loss.  As if that weren’t enough, her husband’s company threatened a transfer. Then her sister, whose holiday visit she coveted, called saying she could not come for the holiday.

Sandra’s friend infuriated her by suggesting her grief was a God-given path to maturity that would allow her to empathize with others who suffer.  

She has no idea what I’m feeling, thought Sandra with a shudder.

Thanksgiving?  Thankful for what?  She wondered.  For a careless driver whose truck was hardly scratched when he rear-ended her?  For an airbag that saved her life but took that of her child?

“Good afternoon, can I help you?”  The shop clerk’s approach startled her.

“I need an arrangement,” stammered Sandra.

“For Thanksgiving?  Do you want beautiful but ordinary, or would you like to challenge the day with a customer favorite I call the Thanksgiving Special?” asked the shop clerk. 

“ I’m convinced that flowers tell stories,” she continued. “ Are you looking for something that conveys gratitude this thanksgiving?” “Not exactly!” Sandra blurted out. “In the last five months, everything that could go wrong has gone wrong.”

Sandra regretted her outburst, and was surprised when the shop clerk said, “I have the perfect arrangement for you.”

Just then the shop door’s small bell rang, and the clerk said, ”Hi Barbara!  Let me get your order.”

She politely excused herself and walked toward a small workroom, then quickly reappeared, carrying an arrangement of greenery, bows, and long-stemmed thorny roses.  Except the ends of the rose stems were neatly snipped: there were no flowers.

“Want this in a box?” asked the clerk.

Sandra watched for the customer’s response.  Was this a joke?  Who would want rose stems with no flowers?  She waited for laughter, but neither woman laughed. “Yes please,” Barbara replied with an appreciative smile. “You’d think that after three years of getting the special, I wouldn’t be so moved by its significance, but I can feel it right here, all over again,” she said as she gently tapped her chest. And she left with her order.

“Uh,” stammered Sandra, ”that lady just left with uh…., she just left with no flowers!”

“Right,” said the clerk, “I cut off the flowers.  That’s the Special.  I call it the Thanksgiving Thorns Bouquet.”

“Oh, come on, you can’t tell me someone is willing to pay for that!” exclaimed Sandra.

“Barbara came into the shop three years ago feeling much like you feel today,” explained the clerk.  “She thought she had very little to be thankful for.  She had lost her father to cancer, the family business was failing, her son was into drugs, and she was facing major surgery.” 

“That same year I had lost my husband,” continued the clerk, “and for the first time in my life, had just spent the holidays alone.  I had no children, no husband, no family nearby, and too great a debt to allow any travel.”

“So what did you do?” asked Sandra.

“I learned to be thankful for thorns,” answered the clerk quietly.

“I’ll take those twelve long-stemmed thorns, please,” she managed to choke out.

“I hoped you would,” said the clerk gently. “ I’ll have them ready in a minute.”

“Thank you.  What do I owe you?”

“Nothing.  Nothing but a promise to allow God to heal your heart. The first year’s arrangement is always on me.”  The clerk smiled and handed a card to Sandra.

I’ll attach this card to your arrangement, but maybe you would like to read it first.

It read: My God, I have never thanked You for my thorns.  I have thanked you a thousand times for my roses, but never once for all my thorns. Teach me the glory of the cross I bear; teach me the value of my thorns.  Show me that I have climbed closer to You along the path of pain.  Show me that through my tears, the colors of Your rainbow look much more brilliant.

Praise Him for your roses; thank Him for your thorns.                  —Author Unknown

My friend, Lori, has taught me much about acceptance and gratitude.  I often forget to thank God for the good things in life, then complain about the thorns.  What makes us think life should be easy and comfortable?

This year, join me in giving thanks for the thorns as well as the roses.  In God’s wisdom they all belong to the same plant.

Three Little Words

October 27, 2025 / / 0 Comments

Millions of words have been spoken and written about the murder of Charlie Kirk – countless laments, yet some celebrating.  I hesitate to weigh in with so many other voices, but I will offer a few words. 

For several years I have listened to many of Charlie’s Q and A sessions with college students across the nation.  I have found him to be extremely gracious, a good listener who asks provocative questions and an effective answerer of challenging questions.  Whenever Charlie came to a venue he would state “Those who disagree with me come to the front of the line.” 

When I heard of his death, I wept.

Thousands of students showed up to his appearance on campuses, eager to voice their questions.  When Charlie disagreed, he did it with grace, poise and love.  Unfortunately, because he disagreed with many people, he was given the name “hater.”  Since when does disagreement equal hate?

Hate is a strong word.

I have had many disagreements with my husband of 49 years, my daughters, and my parents but I still love them dearly.  I have lifelong friends whom I disagree with, but I would never claim to hate them.  When have you ever found relationships with other people to be 100% agreeable with your own?

Yet it seems that Charlie was either loved or hated.  There was often no middle ground.  Sadly, we live in a knee-jerk society, reacting violently to those who don’t agree with us.  Charlie believed in grace, truth and justice, as taught and embodied by Jesus Christ – and lived his life according to those teachings. 

At the memorial service for Charlie, his wife Erika gave a beautiful, heartbreaking speech – in part,

….My husband, Charlie, wanted to save young men like the man who took his life……  That man, that young man,

I forgive him….

Imbued with eternal weightiness, those three little words spoken that day released seismic pulses through the unseen realms with unstoppable force. Those three little words commanded both angelic applause and demonic squeals as the sound presented to all of creation the magnificent currency that cripples one kingdom and magnifies the other Kingdom. Forgiveness.

Keith Guinta

Erika Kirk is a strong believer in the power of Christ shown through those three little words spoken at Charlie’s memorial service.  I’m quite certain she didn’t feel like forgiving Tyler Robinson 10 days after he killed her husband, but she knew this is what Charlie would have done, and it’s what Jesus has done for millions of people like you and me. 

I commend Erika for her bravery and courage, and I thank her for saying one of the most difficult things in the world after seeing her husband murdered.

May we all seek to walk in forgiveness toward those who hate us, love those who despitefully use us and shine the light of His love wherever we go.

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