Branches and Trees

Musings on Marriage

Page 14 of 22

Totality in Tryon

August 28, 2017 / / 0 Comments

Dear Daughters,

Dad and I drove into Tryon, Nebraska, two days before the eclipse, having planned this trip months ago.  Because Tryon is located in the totality path, we were certain that the little town of 401 people would be crawling with visitors and we wanted to be sure to get a place in some pasture.   But when we explored the area we were pleasantly surprised that only a handful of spectators had arrived.  So we drove around Tryon, the only town in the county, and unexpectedly found Kim and Janelle Blake, the owners of Blake Ranch, which had been prepared in advance for all the incoming viewers.

Having heard of the price gouging going on in the prime viewing areas, we were prepared to pay dearly for a spot in the pasture.  When Janelle told us that their rate was $15 a night, we were shocked and amazed.  I asked why they were charging so little and she replied, I wouldn’t have been able to sleep at night if I had charged any more.

We signed up for two nights, received an autographed cow’s ear tag as our receipt, and bumped along looking for the perfect viewing spot.  Since there were only 7 other campers on the 80-acre pasture, we found some prime land right next to a large hay bale, giving us a bit of shade in the 95-degree heat.

We pitched our tent, taking care to avoid the cow pies and gopher hills and were quite pleased with our humble abode, especially since we hadn’t been camping for years.

At 6:00 that night Kim drove to the pasture with his pickup and grill, fired it up and bar-b-qued hamburgers for all who were camping – free of charge – just because they figured people would be tired and hungry from traveling.  Janelle brought out homemade coleslaw, pink fluff salad and baked beans, along with Rice Krispy treats for dessert.  We had a delightful evening meeting and dining with others from the far reaches of the U.S.

On Sunday morning, a worship service was held in the city park, just a short walk from the pasture.  Many people from various faith walks came together to sing and worship in the beautiful outdoors.

During the afternoon, we went driving – taking the roads five miles north, five miles south, five miles east and five miles west of Tryon to see the outlying land (and also to feel some a/c).  We went only 5 miles each direction because every road became beautifully predictable, miles and miles of daisies scattered on the sides of the road, along with lush green prairie grass – a sight we don’t often see in Idaho.

In the evening, we were treated to a program called Sandhills Through Song…musical fun with musical facts of our heritage.  It was comprised of local people singing, square dancing, fiddle, harmonica and banjo playing with a variety of home-grown talent including our gracious hosts Kim and Janelle.

 

Monday morning – the day of the eclipse – dawned, barely, with heavy fog and cloud-filled skies, just as predicted.  But miraculously, around 11:00, the clouds parted and gave way to a stunning blue sky, just in time for the start of the eclipse.

By this time more than 100 additional cars had pulled in to share our 80 acres and another 20 or more RVs had arrived the night before.  We could feel the anticipation of the amazing, once in a life-time eclipse – everyone setting up lawn chairs, chaise lounges, sun awnings, making certain all the eclipse glasses were available, cameras on tri-pods – a regular Woodstock for Geeks.  People from Guam, Africa, China plus many parts of America, and according to the Where Are You From???? Map, we were the only ones representing Idaho.


One neighbor walked by in a semi-daze, then introduced himself to us.  He commented that this seemed to be one of those rare occasions when people got the gaze off themselves and onto something else outside of their own little me-first world.  Interesting observation.

Then exactly as had been predicted, the moon started its shadow at the 1 o’clock position on the sun.  Reminding me of a little pac man, the shadow began to grow, making the sun look like a bright yellow moon at noon.  Slowly, the moon continued to move across the sun, our surroundings becoming darker, shadowy and about 15 degrees cooler than it had been.  At exactly 12:53, the moon was positioned, exactly centered on the sun and the entire crowd in the pasture erupted with cheers and whistles, as if a touch down at a football game had just occurred.

Words cannot express the beauty of that ring of fire around the moon, but I’ll try.  Indescribable, amazing, stellar, stupendous, remarkable, incredible, exquisite, astounding, astonishing, and defying description.

The words of Psalm 19 ran through my mind:

The heavens declare the glory of God,

The skies proclaim the work of his hands.

Day after day they pour forth speech,

Night after night they reveal knowledge.

They have no speech, they use no words,

No sound is heard from them,

Yet their voice goes out into all the earth,

Their words to the ends of the world.

 The Message version of the Bible puts it another way:

God’s glory is on tour in the sky,

God-craft on exhibit across the horizon

Madame Day holds classes every morning,

Professor Night lectures each evening.

Their words aren’t heard,

Their voices aren’t recorded,

But their silence fills the earth:

Unspoken truth is spoken everywhere.

 I guess you could say that the eclipse is God’s way of speaking in every language that He and His creation is beyond imagination and explanation, bigger and more complex, yet so intricately timed and predictable than any of us could ever perceive.

During totality, we took off our eclipse glasses and marveled at the sight.  Looking around we could see stars in the sky and hear crickets chirruping in the fields – for exactly 2 minutes and 43 seconds.  Then everything started to lighten up and the reverse crescent began to appear.

That experience of viewing the eclipse was certainly worth the two nights in the pasture, swatting mosquitos, ants, spiders, Daddy-long-legs and other unnamed flying insects.  Sharing the experience with Dad and many other campers was something I’ll never forget.

The Totality in Tryon was much more than just the eclipse, it was a glimpse of generous, small-town people taking pride in their community, delighting to share the treasures which are theirs, holding visitors in esteem instead of simply seeing them as a quick buck to be made over a weekend.

My greatest gratitude goes to the little unincorporated city of Tryon for blessing us as we shared together the glory of God’s creation.

Love, Mom

p.s. I didn’t post any pics of the eclipse because you have already seen many better than mine:)

 

 

 

 

 

Do You Love Your Hips?

August 1, 2017 / / 2 Comments

Dear Daughters,

Do you love your hips?  was the first sentence I read yesterday when I picked up Stasi Eldredge’s book, Becoming Myself.  I must say it stopped me in my tracks.

Actually, my hips have been growing larger over the last few years and I liked them better when I was younger.  But because Stasi asked this question about hips, I have been thinking about the marvelous body God has given me.

Now don’t get me wrong, my body is 62 years old, sagging and bagging in places I would rather it not sag and bag, but if I look at all my body is still capable of doing, I do marvel.

Stasi encourages us to thank God for every specific part of our bodies.  So, I began one day:

Thank you, God for my feet. 

They have taken me miles and miles in this life.   My feet have been obedient and true, going where I’ve directed them to go, and stopping when I have told them to stop.  They often get sweaty and stinky, but they have been faithful feet.

Thank you for my legs. 

They have carried my body through many states, hiking up mountains, running down sand dunes, walking down the aisle to marry your dad.  They have obeyed me and have gone wherever I have asked them to go.  My upper legs are much more jiggly than they used to be, but they still work.

I give thanks for my hands. 

When I remember all that my hands have done I stand amazed.  They have lifted food to my mouth so that I may be fed, and also to others’  that they too may be nourished.  My hands have created music, applauded countless times for other people, cheering them on, encouraging their efforts.  My hands have soothed you and dried your tears, my daughters, when you were sorrowing, hung on to and guided your two-wheelers when you were learning to ride, braided your hair.  These hands can still prepare a meal, cut veggies, make smoothies, point others in the right direction and give hugs.  Yes, the veins in my hands stick out and are looking gnarly these days, but they still work just fine.

I am grateful for my eyes. 

I can see the stars at night, the full moon in season, your smiles, your beautiful children, the words in a book, the stunning colors of the sunset.  Amazingly, I have recently learned to thank God for the bags under my eyes.  For years I have been embarrassed about them, but now I look at them and am reminded of how faithful the Lord has been to me throughout all the years of insomnia.

On and on I have begun to thank God for the miracle that I am.  You know, it’s funny, but we can live all day, going about our business, walking to and fro, and never once stop and realize the walking miracles that we all are.  It seems the only time we actually think too much about our bodies is when they are not working properly or when we think they don’t measure up to those around us.

Because you are fearfully and wonderfully made, there is no shame.  You are who God has created you to be.  Unique.  Beautiful.  Quirky.  Glorious.  One of a kind and celebrated.

Thank you, Lord for my heart.

It is interesting to think that the same God who created the mountains, lakes, forests and all the creatures that inhabit them,  created you – in His image.  He made us to be His reflection.  He made you with a heart to love, to feel pain and hurt but also to leap with immense joy.  He endowed you with a spirit that is much more beautiful than any part of our bodies.  Your spirit is the most important part of you, your body simply the temporary covering that is wasting away.

It is so tempting to look at others who seem to be more beautiful and play the comparison game – but as we all know it’s a dead end.  Enjoy and celebrate who God has made you to be, because there is no one else like you and He is singing over your life as you take this very breath.  (Zephaniah 3:17)

As Sam Levenson says so simply:

For beautiful eyes, look for the good in others;

For beautiful lips, speak only words of kindness;

And for poise, walk with the knowledge that you are never alone.

Thank God for your body, every part of it, and the specific beauty He has given you.  He knows you intimately – every flaw, every hurt, each joy of your heart –  yet loves you dearly.  You are noticed and known and loved.  As 1 John 4:10 says so simply:

This is love: not that we loved God,

but that He loved us and sent His Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.

If God is for us, what does it matter that we do not fit the mold of the world’s beauty?  Give thanks for every cell (there are 15 trillion of them), every hair (about 5 million of those, yet I think our Blessed-with-hair family probably has more), and every blood vessel (around 100,00 miles of them) and stand in awe of how amazing our Creator is and how incredible is the fact that He specifically created you to be a part of this glorious world.

Love, Mom

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Deep and Simple

July 19, 2017 / / 0 Comments

Dear Daughters,

Last week your cousins Jen and Allie were visiting and we got looking at some old pictures of great-relatives, along with those of the extended family from a decade ago.  It was amusing to listen to the comments:

So that’s where I got my nose from

His ears are pointy just like mine

I wonder who I got the double skin flap of my ear from

Did you know little James can touch his nose with his tongue just like Grandpa?

Amanda’s toes are just like mine

Mariah has one pointy ear and one curled ear

I didn’t know you could curl your tongue, how do you do that??

What’s a prominent chin?  Do I have one? 

and the comparisons go on and on….

It is truly amazing how noses, chins, eyes, smiles, legs, elbows, laughing sounds, voice inflections, mental aptitudes and talents continue to be passed down generation after generation.  It’s something over which we have absolutely no control.  Dark straight hair, blue eyes, pointy chins, curly blond hair, perfect pitch, freckles, long bony fingers, short stubby toes – these are things we are born with, like it or not.

Along with the many physical characteristics we inherit from ancestors, we also become heir to habits, sounds of laughter, attitudes, lifestyles and beliefs, although these characteristics are prone to change over the years.  When we get old enough to make choices for ourselves and discern what is valuable, we can choose what can be tossed away and which we will keep and continue to pass down to the next generation.

What continues to amaze me is that with billions of people in the world from now through generations past, is that God continues to come up with yet another unique person – you – who is distinct from every other yet created.

How cool is it that the same God who created mountains and oceans and galaxies looked at you and thought the world needed one of you, too.  Chelly Picone

 

A wonderful quote from Mister Rogers – the calm, kind-hearted, soft-spoken man who captured the hearts of millions of children for decades – is one of my favorites:

Life is deep and simple, but what our society gives us is shallow and complicated.

We can make choices in life that are simple – tell the truth, listen more than you speak, care for those weaker than yourself, forgive those who offend you, believe that Jesus loves you, make people a priority over things, drink water, eat food that God created, enjoy a simple walk outside, stop and smell the flowers, watch a sunset.  Give thanks.

Or –

We can make choices that are complex – have a good memory so you can keep track of what you said to whom (because they may not be the same), make mountains out of molehills, always look out for number one, believe that you have to take care of yourself because nobody else will, hang on to offenses no matter how small, eat food that man has concocted, make things a priority over people.  Always stay busy and often say hurry.  Complain.

The older I get the simpler I want my life to be, not that I always have a choice, but it is my preference.

As I look back over the generations who have preceded me and see the physical traits I have inherited, I also search back into my history and discard that which was hurtful and harmful, holding fast to that which is life-giving and nurturing.

Besides Mister Rogers’ quote, one of my favorite simple statements is

Trust God and do good.

 If I do that (and believe me it’s not always easy) I stay at peace and I do not despair.  But if I forget and get caught up in a moment of anger, listen too much to the news, and focus on what I don’t have – I fall into discouragement.

Simple and deep.

Trust God and do good.

Change what you can but celebrate your inheritance.

Love, Mom

 

 

 

Geese

June 23, 2017 / / 4 Comments

Dear Daughters,

Yesterday Grandpa and I had to go to the accountant’s office to drop off some papers.  Hanging on the wall was a picture of geese flying in an autumn sky. Below the picture were printed a few highlights about geese which I had learned back in college, but forgotten over the decades.

In His wisdom, God hardwired geese, and other migratory birds, with the instinct to fly in a “V” formation, and for very good reasons. Scientists estimate that geese can fly 70% further with the same energy because of their formation.  They reach their destination more quickly and with less energy than if they tried flying alone.

When a goose falls out of formation, it suddenly feels the drag and resistance of flying alone.  It quickly moves back into formation to take advantage of the synergy that comes from the lifting power of the birds in front.  A goose learns quickly that it takes a lot more energy and effort to fly alone than with a community.

When a goose gets sick, two other geese fall out of formation to follow it down, helping and protecting it. The helper geese will stay with and protect the sick goose from predators until it is well enough to fly again.

When the lead goose tires, another goose flies up to take that lead position.  No one goose can keep on being the leader all the time.  They contentedly lead awhile then follow awhile.

You will often hear geese honking as they fly overhead in the fall.  Their honks are not at all melodious or beautiful but they do communicate encouragement and keep up the good work in bird language.

It is amazing how closely our human lives parallel the geese and their V formation – the synergy of flying together, the helping out when others are down, and the communication during the flight.

Our family’s V is not always in perfect formation, at times it is jagged and broken,  but we have found that flying together is much better than flying alone.

Thank you, all my daughters, for your love and faithfulness, for honking at the right time, taking turns at leading, and helping out when one of us is weak.

In the midst of pain and sadness my heart is full of joy as we continue to fly.

Love, Mom

 

 

 

Preemptive Love

April 6, 2017 / / 2 Comments

Dear Daughters,

Jeremy and Jessica Courtney are quite an unusual couple.  In their mid-twenties, they moved from a small Texas town to Baghdad, Iraq – a rather unlikely place for young marrieds to raise their children.

When the horror of 9-11 occurred – radical Muslims destroying America’s Temple – many people reacted with horror and hate.  The church that the Courtneys attended, however, didn’t cower in fear because of the terror, but continued to preach the words of Jesus found in Matthew 5:44:

Love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who mistreat you and persecute you.

Those words are easy to say and memorize, but much harder to live out every day.  It’s one thing to love those with whom you live and work, but to go half way around the world, choosing to move away from family and American comforts, living among many who hate Americans was way beyond my realm of thinking.

Jeremy and Jessica took those words of Jesus seriously, and acted on them.

Love first, ask questions later

 was Jeremy and Jessica’s motto when they first moved to Iraq, arriving in an area ruled by chaos and fear.  The Courtney’s original plan was to help war widows, but that eventually evolved into finding surgeons for the thousands of children needing heart surgery.   Birth defects caused by the 1988 chemical warfare of Saddam Hussein were the reason for many of these heart defects.   Thirty years later there are still numerous troubling birth defects and cancers that rival the 1945 bombing of Hiroshima.

As Jeremy met many children suffering from heart ailments, he met and made friends with Sunnis and Shias (warring sects of Muslims) Grand Sheikhs, not so grand sheikhs, turbaned clerics, Kurds, Arabs, Israelis – many who are mortal enemies of each other.  But it is amazing, when countless children with heart defects become a common denominator, how some of those differences begin to melt away.

In the ten years that the Courtney’s have lived in Iraq, through many failures and successes, celebrations and disappointments among warring peoples and ideologies, they have learned a most important lesson.  In Jeremy’s words:

I no longer accept the zero-sum worldview that says we cannot simultaneously be on the side of the Democrats and the Republicans; Americans, Israelis and Iranians; Jews and Palestinians; Sunnis and Shias; Arabs, Kurds and Turks.  I choose them all.

            I don’t lean left or right.  I lean in.  I lean forward, because that’s where love lives.

When I read those paragraphs, I thought Yes!  That’s how we are supposed to live.  Why do we mentally put labels on everyone we meet?  Conservative, liberal, black, white, athletic, lazy, annoying, insecure, not deserving of my time, educated or not…

 

Though many Iraqis were open to going to neighboring countries to save their children’s lives, Jeremy was astounded by the statement coming from a grand sheikh when he heard that Americans and Jews would be willing to help his children:

We must stop this treatment lest it lead our children and their parents to love their enemies, leading to apostasy!

Loving hate more than the health of their children opened a window into some people’s hearts that was horrifying.  Jeremy was overcome by this insight into the strength and vow of hatred, which was the main reason he committed himself to a life of Preemptive Love.  Love that strikes first in the midst of anger and fear, love that is strong and fearless in the face of evil.

 

When a fatwa (a death threat) was issued against Jeremy and Preemptive Love Coalition, he didn’t change a thing he was doing – except to invite the Coalition members to their house for prayer.  His invitation-to-pray email read as follows:

Let’s pray for the aggressors.  Let’s hope to engage them in dialogue and love.  Let’s hope to serve their children and their families.  We should long to give them more than good news; we should give them our own lives as well.

            And let’s not back down.  Above all, this is our time to follow Jesus.  I’ve talked a lot about preemptive love, loving our enemies, not resisting an evil person, feeding our hungry/thirsty enemies, and being at peace with everyone as far as it depends on us.  But it is not just rhetoric.  This is our way of life. 

            We love others because God first loved us in Christ.  We should not be cowed into submission or fear by a bunch of thugs who want to harm us.

            We have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

Jeremy’s book Preemptive Love, is a story about just that – striking first with love.  After reading it I felt a bit weak – actually cowardly – in my loving.  I thought I loved well, but when I see a love that travels over the ocean to strike enemies with preemptive love, I am amazed.  Amazed that some people actually obey what Jesus says.

Instead of following Jeremy’s mantra of

Love first, ask questions later

 I often

Accuse first, ask questions later

Get angry first, ask questions later

Judge first, ask questions later

I pray that I may let go of my natural impulses to accuse, get angry and judge – and learn to love preemptively – just like Jesus loved.  Enemies as well as friends.  If the Courtneys can travel half way around the world to love their enemies, I know that I can love those around me.

This concept could transform marriages, families and churches.  Please join with me to become the Preemptive Love people in our own communities.

Love, Mom

P.S.  You have probably heard about the chemical attack in Syria two days ago.   Preemptive Love Coalition was one of the first responders, caring for the sick and dying  soon after the news broke.

 

 

 

 

A Curse

March 16, 2017 / / 2 Comments

Dear Daughters,

Seven months ago Dad and I drove north a few hours and spent three days at a beautiful Bed & Breakfast in Challis, Idaho.  There were gorgeous mountains all around, the Salmon River running through – a place that should bring peace.  But I made it quite miserable for Dad and I because I slept poorly and cried much of the days, saying

I just want to die.

Because of my chronic fatigue, I knew even before we went that I would stay back while Dad went hiking and exploring the deserted mines and  ghost towns.  He would come back a few times a day to check on me – I can’t imagine why – because I was Negative Nellie, lamenting my lot in life, telling him I just wanted to die.

I would get up and walk around now and then, put on my happy face for our hostess, saying how much we loved their ranch.  Then back to the room and depression where I threw a remarkable pity party.

All in all, it was a despondent time for me, which of course affected Dad as well.  I had been thinking those words I just want to die for a while but had never verbalized it.  My life had been becoming more difficult because of Grandma’s decline into severe dementia and I was feeling overwhelmed and exhausted.

A few days after we returned home from the ranch, I was listening to a YouTube talk by Derek Prince.  He was speaking about Blessings and Curses.  He said

Whenever you say the words I just want to die, you are bringing a curse on yourself. 

I was rather shocked because I  figured I was simply expressing my emotions honestly and openly.  But Derek spoke the words from Proverbs 18:21

The tongue can bring death or life: those who love to talk will reap the consequences.

I was convicted that the words I had been repeating were bringing me down and certainly not helping my physical or emotional health.

Derek also taught that in order to combat the curse I had been proclaiming on myself I needed to speak words to give life, and he gave this replacement phrase

I shall not die but live, and shall declare the works and recount the illustrious acts of the Lord.  Proverbs 118:17

I decided to memorize that verse and started saying it over and over again – out loud when I was alone and in my mind when I was around people.  I was quite amazed at how my outlook on life changed.  Yes, it was a battle to say those words because the other negative words had worn a well-trod path in my mind, but I was determined to get rid of the curse I had placed on myself.

Interestingly, for years as a teacher, I would not allow my students to use the word can’t because of the negative impact it had on children’s ability to learn and perform.  But here I was – not speaking the word can’t – yet using words that were life-killing and having adverse effects on me and Dad.  Isn’t it true that we are usually at our ugliest with our husbands?  I would typically be kind and good to others around me, saving the worst moods to be exhibited for the one I love the most.

Just this week Dad and I went away for a few days again, this time into the Boise foothills, renting a charming little VRBO cabin.  It was a delightful few days,  sleeping well, and having a bit more energy.   Dad went biking and hiking while I stayed around home base, but I actually enjoyed myself – taking short walks around the area, snapping some pictures, reading, writing and saying those words of blessing over and over again

I shall not die but live and shall declare the works and recount the illustrious acts of the Lord.

Sometimes shortening it to

I shall not die but live and declare the works of the Lord.

I have learned much about blessings and curses in these past months, and have started dissecting other thoughts I have had in years past.  A few thoughts like

Our marriage is never going to get any better, why not just give up

I am never to be healthy again

Poor me, everyone else sleeps so much better than I

  __________________  (fill in the blank) is never going to change

What have I done to deserve this illness?

It’s thoughts like these that can paralyze our lives, as we despair for anything ever getting better.  Curses – negative words spoken toward ourselves or others – are real and not just harmless phrases.  They carry the power of life and death within them.

Watch your thoughts for they become words.  Watch your words for they become actions.  Watch your actions for they become habits.  Watch your habits for they become your character.  And watch your character for it becomes your destiny.  What we think, we become.                                  

 ~ Author unknown

Many years ago I remember telling a friend about some thoughts that were distressing me at the time.  Her reply was Oh, don’t worry about your thoughts – they don’t matter – it’s only actions that count.

Her advice didn’t seem quite right and I forgot about it for a while, but looking back I see that it was poor advice and a downright lie.  Your thoughts do matter because they are the seeds we plant that eventually become our destiny.

I have learned to speak blessings over myself, Dad, our family and  over other situations that Jesus brings to my mind from time to time.  It is so easy to get trapped in our situations, thinking and speaking that we are doomed to stay here for the rest of our lives.  But that is not the truth.  All things are possible with God, and nothing is possible without Him.

Speak blessings and not curses – about yourselves, your life circumstances, and others around you – and learn what power those words have in your life.

Love, Mom

 

 

A Trio of Weakness

March 9, 2017 / / 2 Comments

Dear Daughters,

I had the most delightful morning… again.

A few months ago I started praying for a friend near Hagerman, our little sleepy town of 867 here in Southern Idaho.  I did have a wonderful friend who lived down our lane, but back in October she moved away and I was missing that beautiful gift of friendship.

So, through an interesting story of happenings I was introduced to Sue and Lori.  Both women are my age, with striking similarities.  Sue has recently been diagnosed with Parkinson’s disease and is weakening physically.  We met at Lori’s home, a ramp in front to accommodate her wheelchair since she is paralyzed from the waist down due to a car accident over 20 years ago.  And then there’s me struggling with the would-love-to-walk-a-half-mile chronic fatigue.

Sue is a rancher’s wife and was used to helping her husband work with the cattle and calves, along with other energetic outdoor work.  She was strong, able to work on the ranch as well as run a dog grooming business.

Lori used to make beautiful wooden signs plus creating many other items out of a simple piece of wood but now has no extra energy to be the artisan she was.

I used to teach music to children K-12 and beyond, teaching many how to sing and play the piano, but no longer have the strength for that.

When we arrived, Lori had hot water ready for tea so we gathered around the table and started chatting.  This was our third time together, so we briefly talked about physical struggles we were having personally.  The conversation turned to the current happenings on earth and we marveled over how all the prophecies of the Bible have and are coming true. Then we started looking forward to someday – when Jesus returns – the joy it will be to have new glorified bodies. Our moods heightened, speaking of that glorious day when our strength will be renewed; we will soar on wings like eagles, run without getting weary, and walk without fainting.

Lori, Sue and I are the personification of weakness in the world’s eyes and we lamented a little that because of our physical infirmities we are sometimes misunderstood, causing frustration to some simply because we are no longer full of energy and able to do what we previously did.

We talked about relational struggles in the here and now, plus the navigating that goes along with them.  Next came books we had read by C S Lewis, Derek Prince, and others we plan to read in the future.   We wrestled with ideas, opinions, facts – not necessarily agreeing on everything – and life in general.

Finally, we prayed together, thanking God and interceding for our husbands, children and grandchildren, for the leaders of our country, for our churches and for the wisdom to know our places in the midst of this chapter of our lives that God has graciously given us.

Too soon, two hours were gone and it was time to leave for lunch.  We said our goodbyes and agreed to meet same day, same time, next week.

I came to Lori’s that morning tired, and a bit discouraged.  I left full of joy, with an expectation of good things to come, and encouraged that Jesus had heard my cry for friendship and answered so kindly. The synergy of talking honestly and vulnerably was energizing and made my heart sing.

Even though I’ve only known these women for a month I feel like we are soul sisters.  Jesus seems to do that with people who are united in Him.  Lori and Sue have suffered much yet they are joyful and full of life,  though not of physical strength.

The three of us agreed today that if we had not been blessed with physical weakness we would have never had the strength to be still, wait on God for his good plans,  or sit around a table hungering for more of Him and a willingness to do His work.

How I pray that you too, my daughters, will trust God with your needs, desires, and experience how He works best in our weaknesses and complete dependence on Him, waiting patiently and expectantly for his good answers to whatever you may ask.

Love, Mom

 

Remembering…

March 1, 2017 / / 5 Comments

Dear Daughters,

Today I started cleaning out Grandma’s closet.  Shoes, black snow boots, her favorite fuzzy slippers, tee-shirts with musical notes embroidered, pants with elastic waistbands, a shoe stretcher, her fluffy pink bathrobe –so many of them causing me to remember when she wore them and what she did while wearing them.   Her lovely blue jacket when she played piano at recitals, and her old work clothes for gardening, walking shoes….

 

Almost three months have passed since Grandma has walked the halls of her home.  It’s lonely walking down the lane by myself.  When I play the piano I have no audience to listen, to clap when I’m finished playing a song, no accompanying whistler as I play.  I’m growing accustomed to life as it is now, but it is different.

I know Grandma is rejoicing in heaven and I’m celebrating with her, yet her memories will continue to be with me every day for the rest of my life.

How can someone forget their mom?

A few days ago, Mariah sent me a poem she had written about Grandma.

 

Remembering You

 I am nothing to you

Not now anyways 

 

For all you know

I am simply another person

Living somewhere

Out in the world

 

You used to remember 

Who I was

And where you were

 

You used to play 

Everyday

And whistle

As though it were

Your second language

You used to go on walks

And water the flowers

 

You used to be

So full of life

And energy

And happiness

 

But now

You’ve forgotten

How to talk to the birds

Your hands 

Have left the ivory cold

And the plants you watered

Are beginning to wilt

 

The road you once walked

Is now empty

Devoid of life

The doors you opened 

Are now closed

 

But no matter

Where you are

Or how you have changed us

I pray

That the birds won’t forget

Your songs

Your call

Nor the piano 

Your music

 

I pray

That the roads you have traveled

Will remember your journey

And the closed doors

Are never forgotten

 

But most of all 

That the people you met

Will never forget you

The legacy you left behind

The music you gave us

The memories you were a part of

 

So

Grandma

Thank you

For all you’ve given us

For all you’ve left behind

Thank you Grandma

Thank you

~ Mariah Potoka, age 14

 

Thanks, my dear granddaughter Mariah, for reminding me once again how important each one of our lives are.  Even though we may think of our life stories as insignificant, the decisions we make today will affect others tomorrow, next week, next year – and to generations beyond.

It’s not the big impressive things we do, but the thousand unremarkable steps we take every day that make a beautiful life.

Ann Voskamp calls it living a life of holy redundancy – showing up faithfully day after day in the seemingly little things. 

That’s what Grandma did.  She loved the same man for 66 years, walked down the lane and beyond with a plastic bag in hand picking up trash from the ditches.  She played and taught from her beloved piano for hours, bringing pleasure to herself and thousands of others.  Every day she would faithfully make meals for us – my favorite macaroni and cheese, and my gagging worst – liver with onions, which I would slip to the dog under the table.

I know some days you feel like walking away from responsibility, turning your back on those who have hurt you, who haven’t appreciated all your sacrifice and love.  But Jesus sees your heart and is there cheering you on.   He will never leave or forsake you and will give you the strength to carry on yet another hour and then another day ….

You have probably heard of the ripple effect.  Throw a small stone in a calm pond and watch the ripples expand incrementally to the very boundaries of that pool of water.  That’s what Grandma’s life did.  She lived quietly, unassumingly, simply, thankfully, and because of that her life has touched many people, including you and me, for which I am extremely grateful.

Your kindness, your choice to forgive, your obedience to God, your faithfulness and perseverance will also go out as ripples to many you may never meet –and  will be remembered far beyond today.

Live your one life well.

Love, Mom

Trust in the Lord and do good…. Psalm 37:3

Happy Wives Club

February 14, 2017 / / 2 Comments

Dear Daughters,

When I received a package in the mail from a friend of mine with a book entitled Happy Wives Club I groaned.  Really??  Sounded a bit simplistic to me.   I had just had a disagreement with Dad and at that moment I was not a happy wife.

Then I read the About the Author page in the back of the book.  Fawn Weaver is this beautiful young black woman, Type A personality, the CEO of one company and a CIO of its online subsidiary, has been on TED talks, started her own company at age 18, and on and on………. and happily married.  PLUS, she just wrote this book after traveling around the world, and runs the HappyWivesClub.com website that has had over 2,500,000 visitors.

I was ready to throw the book in the trash because in my world I have just enough energy to do what I have to do, and the remainder of the time I’m resting, reading and writing because my energy wanes way too quickly.  Jealous is the first word that comes to mind after reading about Fawn Weaver.

But when I settled down for my daily afternoon rest I calmed down and became curious, so decided to read at least the first chapter, with a somewhat contrived inner gratitude to my friend for sending me a free book.

Fawn’s take on the recent onslaught of negativity surrounding marriage was on target.  She cited Desperate Housewives, Basketball Wives, Stepford Wives and Married with Children as messages to TV viewers that wives are miserable, husbands cheat, and marriages don’t last.

Like all of us, she has witnessed marriages crumble, yet she is in a good marriage and was curious if she was an anomaly or if there were other wives out there in the world who are happy.  So, Fawn decided to take a trip around the world – traveling to 12 countries on 6 continents – with the mission of talking to couples of all cultures in the world who had been married for more than 25 years, searching to find some stunningly simple truths about what makes wives happy and marriages last.

Amazingly, or maybe not so amazingly, throughout the world marriages thrive because of a handful of simple secrets.

The main secret: There is no plan B for marriage.  Happily married couples have subtracted the word divorce from the equation.  Because they see marriage as life long, there is plenty of time to agree to disagree and take their time in finding common ground.

One of the couples Fawn interviewed in Canada had experienced unfaithfulness.  Interestingly, the reason Faye’s adultery started was because she allowed out of control negative thoughts to continually run through her mind.  She had become bitter because of one incident early in their marriage that she continued to feed on, refusing to forgive.  The marriage was healed when Edward chose to forgive her and Faye submitted to counseling – a long road in getting to the complex root of her bitterness.

Jerry and Bonnie, also Canadians, centered in on the sentence We disagree fairly and don’t fight dirty.  Calling each other names is just plain mean and they can stick in a spouse’s mind forever.  Shut up unless it really matters, is another mantra they follow.  Let the small stuff go, petty annoyances are not worth fighting over.  AEOD (accept each other’s differences) is a good acronym to keep in mind.  Just because your husband is different from you doesn’t mean he’s wrong.

In South Africa, Henry and Pat spoke of respecting one another.  Respect actually turned up in every language around the world, from Indian `arranged’ marriages to `love’ marriages in many other countries.  Henry and Pat also decided that because tomorrow is never promised, they would never carry a disagreement into the night.

In Croatia, Mia invited Fawn to go to The Museum of Broken Relationships – a place representing the exact opposite of what Fawn was looking for on her world-wide tour.  It won the 2011 European Award for Most Innovative Museum.  Inside were scattered wedding albums, teddy bears, pink furry handcuffs, wedding dresses, an axe, videos chronicling the pain of love gone wrong, among many other disturbing exhibits and their corresponding stories.

Later that day Fawn met Sanja, a fashion model and an arms dealer for the Swedes, and she too was adamant about the respect issue.  If I want respect, I must treat him with respect.  She believes it is impossible to expect something you are not willing to give yourself.  Yes, it takes work – but there’s nothing wrong with work.

On to the Philippines, Ben and Gloria were asked if they had any regrets, looking back over their decades of marriage.  Looking at each other they both said No, everything we’ve done from the beginning we’ve continued to do until now. 

Really??  Now that’s unbelievable for me.  I’ve known a lot of married folks in my life and no one has ever told me that.  I’ve had regrets, everyone I know has had regrets.  Although to be fair, Fawn mentioned that the Filipinos are by nature some of the cheeriest people she has ever met.  Maybe that’s the secret….

Doug and Barb, living in a 150-square-foot RV in Australia, mentioned the Golden Rule as a main factor that kept their marriage strong for 40 years.  Doug, now caring for Barb who suffers from ALS, says that Doing unto others as you would have them do to you was taught him by his parents, and his wife has been the chief beneficiary of that wisdom.  They both learned that personal sacrifice for anyone, especially your spouse, is a great display of strength and character.  Not weakness.

In Fiji, the issue of disposability came up.  Andrew said, When our parents bought a television they kept it for 20 years, and if it broke they fixed it.  The same was the case for refrigerators and anything else.  Now we buy new televisions well before they’re broken, because there’s a newer model out.  We do that with computers and everything else.  It seems that disposability has overtaken relationships as well.  If there’s a newer better-looking model, many people just dump the old one.

Once again – we’re back to the No Plan B, divorce is out of the equation – the universal marriage saver.

The last country Fawn visited was Argentina where she talked with Marcello and Silvina.  Marcello commented that Silvina is like a spider.  It seemed a strange image for a wife to take on, but Silvina agreed that she is like a spider spinning her web.  When she sees the web starting to break she works to fix it, otherwise the hole just keeps getting bigger and bigger.

Hmmm, a great word picture.  Better to mend a hole when it’s small than trying to repair a huge gaping rip.  Good wisdom to remember.

Back to her home in California, Fawn talked to a few more couples.  With more than half of marriages ending in divorce, she learned that happiness in marriage is a choice.  It’s kind of like a plant, an everlasting plant that is meant to be watered so it can bloom and produce fruit.  But you have to be willing to nurture it daily or it will wilt, turn brown and die.

All the couples Fawn interviewed had a daily ritual of some kind, breakfast together, tea in the afternoon – some time where they could connect, talk and build trust day by day.

For Dad and I, every night after he watches the news he comes to give me a backrub, a specific lymphatic backrub he learned from a therapist I had visited. It only takes a few minutes, but it has obliterated the neck stiffness I had experienced for years.  Then we talk, sometimes for 10 minutes sometimes 45.  Our talks range from politics to children to caretaking responsibilities for Grandpa to books we have recently been reading.  It is good, affirming and a wonderful way to end the day. After we talk, we pray for whoever God brings to mind that evening.  Praying together has helped to bring unity into our marriage.

Fawn also found a universal belief and dependence on God within every successful marriage.  Couples always fare better if there is a third, invisible Person involved.

Marriage around the world is fundamentally the same for everyone.  We may be different colors, have dramatically different cultural backgrounds and stories, eat different food, yet if we have a pulse we have a need for respect, acceptance and love.  Love is a choice, just like happiness, and they are the most beautiful choices in the world.

My dear daughters, continue to choose happiness in your marriages and be blessed.

Love, Mom

P.S. The book and the Happy Wives Club website are both wonderful.  The website gives some wonderful ideas about how to love your husband better, which brings more happiness to you!

 

 

 

 

The Zig Zag Life

February 5, 2017 / / 2 Comments

Dear Daughters,

My favorite subject as a sophomore in high school was geometry.  One of the basic axioms I learned was, The shortest distance between two points is a straight line.  And it is indeed true – in geometry.

But as you may have noticed in life, we don’t travel from Point A (birth) to Point B(death) in a straight up-the-mountain line.  There are high points, low points and lots of zigs and zags around the in-between points.

I could never understand those people who had 10-year plans or 5-year plans, simply because I wasn’t one of them.  A 1-year plan was about as far out as I could think.  If you own a business you have a plan for future growth, expansion projects, and other such things outside of my realm of knowledge, but my life as a wife, mom and teacher was often lived one day at a time – and sometimes barely that.

Since Dad and I have been married we have moved 11 times within four states, and that’s a lot of zigging and zagging geographically.  Some people seem to be able to learn the things God has prepared for them while they live in the same house, others of us need to go from place to place, learning those important lessons of life.

I used to ponder the Israelites wandering from place to place in the wilderness for 40 years, when they could have walked straight to their destination in a few weeks.  I remember thinking, That’s a really inefficient way for God to get His people from here to there.  But after reading about all their grumbling, complaining and general discontent with everything going on in their lives- even in the midst of free food and clothes that never wore out – I began to understand I was much like them.

In my earlier years, I would often complain how things in my life were not going as I would have liked.  Moving here, moving there, meeting friends only to leave and start over again.  I was simply looking to my comfort as the litmus test for my happiness.  I was lonely, I didn’t have a long-term friend, my potential was not being fulfilled…. 

Quite self-centered and immature, don’t you think?

In 1543, Copernicus bravely announced his audacious theory that the sun was the center of our solar system, not the earth as was commonly thought.  Although this theory had been previously considered well before Jesus was born, it had never been given much credence.

In the same way, humans throughout all the ages have gravitated toward the idea that we are the center of our own small universes, but as most of us have figured out it’s not true and it doesn’t bring much happiness.

I used to pray, asking God to change the circumstances of my life so I could have a peaceful life.  If I was ever in a place remotely resembling a wilderness, I would try quickly to change the people (usually my family) or conditions around me to suit my preferences.

Thank God I have learned that I am the only person I can change.  I know now not to avoid or escape the hard times, but to ask what He wants me to learn through them.  After many years of grumbling, I have learned to thank God for actually using the hard times to help me – not to hinder me.

Of course, we have to understand that the number one focus of God as he works in our life is to mold our character to be like His.  Specifically, He is making us more patient and kind, less boastful and proud, more joyful and long-suffering, less selfish and impatient.  Character is much more important than money, control and fame – which is completely upside down to what our culture teaches us.

And what does He use to cause these qualities to appear in us?  Hard times of isolation and stress.  In tough times – instead of running from them – it’s best to press into God, lean on Him and trust Him to lead through and beyond to the other side.

In God’s economy, a zigzag line is the shortest distance between two points. 

Bill Lawrence

My friend, Natasha, has led a zigzag life in many ways.  Traveling from place to place, finances running low, with unexpected roadblocks and difficulty plaguing her since childhood, she could easily fall into self-pity.  But her stories usually circle around to the fact that she is learning to trust God in the macro as well as the micro, the seen as well as the unseen.

God has each of us in a unique place, in just the right moment of time and in the exact family that is best for us.  Of course it’s hard, everywhere is hard, but we were not put on this earth simply to have a joy fest.

I was walking outside the other day enjoying the beautiful sunshine when I heard some whirring wings above my head.  I looked up and saw a large flock of birds, starlings I think.  These amazing birds were doing acrobatics as if they had trained and practiced.  They would swoop up vertically for a short time then perform a circular pattern, immediately straighten out and fly as if on a racetrack.  Then just as I thought they would continue on out of sight they swooped down for a bit and returned toward me as if they were performing an intricately choreographed routine simply for my pleasure.  There wasn’t a single collision of birds as they flew in split-second precision.

How did each one of those tiny birds know when the group was going to do their maneuvers?  I just stood there amazed as I watched them perform for me, then finally took off to give someone else a fascinating show.

When I consider the remarkable wisdom and creativity of God to gift small, seemingly insignificant birds with the ability to fly such intricate drills, I marvel.  Then I think, If Jesus choreographs their lives and flight patterns so perfectly I can rest assured that He is doing the same for me and you –  zig zags and all.

Love, Mom

 

 

 

 

 

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