Branches and Trees

Musings on Marriage

Page 3 of 22

Holes in Buckets

June 29, 2024 / / 0 Comments

Has anyone ever disappointed you?

 Ever had anyone betray you, talk behind your back?

Has anybody ever broken a promise they made to you?

Most likely you have, because to be human means having issues with people.  I have done it to others; others have done it to me…and it hurts.

We humans are kind of like buckets with holes in them.  We fail, we say things we shouldn’t, we withhold words which should be said, we envy, get jealous – you know all the stuff. No matter how many compliments we may get, there will never be enough to fill our bucket, because they slip out the holes. We know our weakness, our guilt, our shame, and no other person can give us enough love and attention to keep our bucket full.

It’s normal for us to try and find another human who can keep our bucket full, but no one on this planet is capable of doing so. Many of us work hard to make ourselves look like we are full buckets, but inside we know how we constantly need the affirmation of others to keep believing that we are worthwhile.

Sometimes we marry someone who seems to be a bucket without holes and hope they can fill our always emptying bucket.  But inevitably their holes show up and they will not be able to fill our bucket which keeps being emptied.

There are some people I have known in the past who were so beautiful, put together – it seemed as if they had no holes in their bucket.  But then I got to know them – and they are fallible, full of holes just like everyone else.  They never tried to cover their holes, I just didn’t know them well enough to see them. 

Some people’s holes are obvious to the world, others are hidden to most but are certainly revealed some time or other.

For years I have tried to find someone without holes in their bucket, someone whom I could emulate, but there is no human on earth fitting that description.  There are no exceptions. 

I have always loved to hear positive comments about myself, and if I heard a criticism I would be hurt, wondering how they could have misinterpreted my actions or words.  But just like everyone else, my bucket is full of holes. 

I have found there is only one person whose bucket is always full and overflowing – and that is my friend, Jesus. He is trustworthy and true, loving me when I have failed, loving me when I have done well.  Yes, Jesus does convict me when I have acted in pride, when I have been selfish with my time, but I know there is no condemnation.  I simply need to confess what I have done, accept His always available forgiveness, and move on.

There is no greater comfort on earth than that of being always in conversation with my Savior. As CS Lewis said decades ago,

God made us, invented us as a man invents an engine.  A car is made to run on petrol, and it would not run properly on anything else.  Now God designed the human machine to run on Himself.

Because He has no holes in His bucket, He is the only Person we can turn to for strength, wisdom, forgiveness and never-ending love.  He will never force Himself on us, He is far too great of a gentleman for that.  But He is always waiting, watching and ready to come into our lives – simply for the asking.

So we have a choice: we can either try to continue living in our own strength, or surrender to Jesus and let Him become our strength, wisdom and continual source of a never-ending bucket of love who will never leave nor forsake you.

Disciples of the Internet

April 23, 2024 / / 0 Comments

Have you ever heard of such a peculiar phrase – Disciples of the Internet?  I recently listened to a John Eldredge podcast by that name and was a bit offended by the phrase.  I thought to myself,

I’m not a disciple of the Internet, I’m a disciple of Jesus.

 But after listening to John’s podcast, I agree with his observation of our culture.  Because most of us use the internet every day, perhaps hours every day, our mindset has become different than it was decades ago. Back in the 1900’s, we didn’t expect anything to move too quickly.  Sure, we could drive a car, fly around the world in a jet, watch a spaceship go to the moon, but beyond that our lives were lived relatively slowly. 

We would linger with people, work and play outside, stroll down the street as we look around, observing the beauty.  Today, it is quite rare to see someone walk with nothing in their hands, simply enjoying their surroundings.  A far higher percentage of walkers hold their phones in their hand, quite oblivious to anything happening around them, immersed in their virtual world.

As John says,

You are a disciple of the system that tutors you.

When we type or speak a question into Google, we can get over 2 million answers in .03 seconds.  No waiting, no wondering, just immediate information.  And because our souls have become programmed for immediate answers, we tend to expect the same from God.

We have the world’s combined knowledge from over the millennia at our fingertips.  What more can we need?  The internet is amazing if you want to fix your washing machine, build a retaining wall, or learn how to prune a tree.  I am a big fan of YouTube; I love to watch music videos and podcasts.  But if I am looking for direction and wisdom from God I need to slow down, listen and wait.  Wait, you say?  Now that is tough for us in the 21st century.

Our faith is powerful, yet fragile – kind of like coral reefs.  It needs protection from distractions if we want to hear from our Heavenly Father.  Even though our technology has been continually speeding up, now travelling two thirds the speed of light, Jesus does not see that as a threat – something He needs to keep up with when communicating with us.

As He said himself,

I am the same yesterday, today and forever.

If He is the same yesterday, today and forever, then I believe he requires us to slow down, wait and listen – without distraction.  I just Googled “how many times is the word ‘wait’ found in the Bible?”  And the answer is, depending on the translation you use, over 120 times.  Here’s one place:

Wait for the Lord; be strong and let your heart take courage; yes, wait for the Lord.

Psalm 27:14

Sitting still and waiting is not part of our culture’s mantra, but if we ask the Holy Spirit to teach us that valuable discipline, I believe we’ll hear from God.  He is patiently waiting for us to talk to Him, so tell Him your troubles and frustrations, share your joys and pleasures.  Ask Him a question and He will answer you, probably not as quickly as you would like but He will answer. He is a good, good Father and His love for you endures forever.   

We live in a culture addicted to quick, but Jesus is waiting for you to come away from distractions, slow down and listen to Him and His Word.

Cabrini

March 29, 2024 / / 0 Comments

I have never been a movie lover, and never have I gone back to see the same movie twice…  but then came Cabrini – a movie released on March 8, marking the celebration of International Women’s Day.  Typically, when I hear about the celebration of women it has to do with women’s reproductive freedom, superficial beauty, independence, or how they don’t need men anymore.  But Cabrini, an Italian Catholic nun born in 1850, gave her life to helping the poor, especially orphans.  She was tenacious, persevering, bold and relentless in helping many Italian immigrants in New York City.

As a child she suffered from a lung disease and was told she would be bedridden for life, not living past 40.  But her philosophy was,

We can serve our weakness, or we can serve our purpose.

MotherCabrini chose to serve her purpose, traveling from Italy to NYC in 1889 with five other sisters, against the advice of her superiors.  She was met with chaos and poverty, finding many Italian immigrants living in squalor.  Nothing, absolutely nothing would stop her from going to the streets of New York to find children living in the sewers, then taking them to a place of safety.  She and the other sisters rehabbed an abandoned building, filling it with light, love, education, music and laughter.

Cabrini faced opposition on all sides, those who thought Italian immigrants were less than human, idiots, only to be used for common labor.  The rich didn’t’ want to hear the truth when a front-page article appeared on the front page of the NY Times that, Even the rats in NYC lived better than the children.  Of course, Mother Cabrini is the one who walked uninvited into the office of the editor of the NY Times, challenging him to visit the sewer homes of the children and write the article.

 Though many tried to shut her down, she was relentless in her love for the unlovable.  The pimps were against her because she gave dignity and worth to young girls they hoped to use for their business.  Yet Cabrini would not be stopped, assuring the other sisters that God would give them strength to continue their work.

Amazingly, Cabrini lived until she was 67 – defying all the predictions of the medical professionals in her life.  Since her death, the influence of her work in NYC has reached six continents and 15 other countries in the world – always with the goal of serving the most vulnerable in every city and giving them the dignity they deserve.

Never Give Up

February 28, 2024 / / 0 Comments

I received three potted amaryllis bulbs at the end of November from my sister Rhonda.  Over the years I have grown several with great success and I was eagerly expecting the same.  I followed all the directions, put them near a window and watered faithfully for weeks expecting to see some lush green growth topped with beautiful flowers by Christmas. 

Day after day, week after week they looked the same, like dead bulbs in the dirt.  After 7 weeks I was just about ready to throw the whole pot in the trash and be done with it.  Then one day I saw a slight green shoot peeking out the top and celebrated that perhaps all my watering and waiting was not in vain.

Now, finally in late-February there are some gorgeous magenta-tipped white blooms – just as I had hoped.

Because I was impatient, I just about tossed out some lovely flowers-to-be. But because of that slightly ambiguous word – hope – I faithfully continued to water and keep them in the light so maybe, just maybe they would grow like I had expected. 

And then I got thinking about situations for which I have been praying for years – even decades.  The healing of a relationship, the growth of a marriage, the softening of hearts, and the healing of a broken body.  I know Jesus hears my prayers and is working things out for my good but sometimes I get frustrated and think,

Why should I care anymore?

 What good is it doing?

 Will anything ever change?

Have you ever had those thoughts, when the prayers you pray seem to be hitting the ceiling and dropping straight down again?  It’s hard to keep on loving, keep on showing up, keep on doing good in the face of evil.   In fact, there’s a proverb written over 3,000 years ago stating,

Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.

Proverbs 13:12

Obviously waiting over 9 weeks for amaryllis bulbs to bloom is much different than waiting years for something you’re hoping for.  I think of women who have waited for years to have a baby, suffering through months of infertility and disappointment.  Or those who have suffered abuse and have waited for years to see that abuser convicted.  Sometimes it seems as if God is on mute as we pray for the people we love year after year, hoping justice will be served. 

I ponder the story of Abraham and Sarah who were promised a child from God and waited 25 years before it came to be.  David, who after he was anointed King, had to wait another 10 years running and hiding in caves in order to keep from King Saul’s vengeance.  Good things do happen, promises are kept but sometimes it’s hard to keep on going, every day putting one foot in front of another when we repeatedly hear the voices whispering in our heads,

Nothing is ever going to change, it will be this way forever...

Certainly it feels like it at times, but the truth is – life is changing every day.  Just as imperceptibly as plants grow – we cannot see it day by day – during months and years they do grow.  God is listening and working so at just the right time the beautiful bloom will appear.

Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, this he will also reap…Let us not lose heart in doing good,

for in due time, we will reap if we do not grow weary.

Galatians 6:7,9

Have good courage and confidence because God is doing a good work, and He will bring it to completion.

I love the following prayer from Tim Keller:

Lord, I confess I do not understand your timing. If I were in charge of history and my life I would have arranged things differently.

But I cannot see the whole picture, I cannot see from beginning to end, and so I wait for you in obedience and prayer.  Amen.

The Cliff Young Shuffle

January 31, 2024 / / 4 Comments

Have you ever run one mile?  I did back when I was in high school, a half century ago.  As for a 5K, a half-marathon, or a marathon?  Nope, I’ve never been interested.  Walking is my favorite way to get from here to there. 

Amazingly, there is something called an Ultra-Marathon which is a 544 mile race!  In Australia that means running from Sydney to Melbourne – and typically includes 18 hours of running, 6 hours of sleeping – on repeat for 7 days.  They don’t measure this race in yards or miles, but in zip codes.

On the day of this race back in 1983, many strapping people under 30 lined up in their fancy Nikes and Adidas, ready to show their amazing endurance.  Along with these youngsters at the starting line stood 61-year-old Cliff Young in his Osh Gosh overalls and work boots with some galoshes – just in case it rained.

Cliff was a potato farmer and raised 2,000 head of sheep on the side.  Year after year he would round up the sheep, running miles and miles, often throughout the night.  He had often run 3 days and nights at a time, so he figured it’s only a few more days.

All the younger folks in the race blazed away from the finish line while Cliff started shuffling.  He was left in the dust as he shuffled along.  But at night when all the others were laying down to sleep for 6 hours, when the news cameras were turned off and the reporters in bed, Cliff kept on shuffling,

All through the black nights, Cliff kept on shuffling.  He had never heard about the conventional wisdom of running hard for 18 hours and sleeping 6.  The dark never slowed him down because he didn’t know he was supposed to stop, he just kept on shuffling and gradually he overcame the below 30 crowd in their $400 Nikes.

At the end of the race, Cliff Young came in first – a full 9 hours before the second-place runner crossed the finish line.  He was handed the prize, $10,000, but said he didn’t know there was a prize.  So as each runner after him crossed the line, he handed out some money to them because “they worked hard too.”  Cliff walked away with no money at all because he ran for the pure joy of running.

It’s less about speed and more about endurance. 

I wonder if we could live the Cliff Young Shuffle – and I don’t mean stay up for 6 days without sleep.  But perhaps adapting some everyday shuffling, slow but steady, kind of like the tortoise (of the story of him and the hare).

The same sure and steady rhythms, day in and day out – the making of the bed, followed by the opening of the Word, followed by the journaling of the heart, followed by the moving of the body – just this enduring shuffle of doing the next hard and holy small thing – will win everything in the end.                                                  Ann Voskamp

We could also call for help from our Friend, the Holy Spirit, who is always willing to give us the strength to keep on going, through the light and through the dark, through the gray days and the sunny, to persevere instead of giving up.

On my own, I would have given up years ago.  Life is hard and it’s not going to get any easier, but with promises like:

I will never leave you or forsake you

Lo, I am with you always

I have loved you with an everlasting love

For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.

how can I give up when I know that God walks before me and behind, to my left side and my right? 

When I remember the people who were heroes in the Bible had problems, I am encouraged.  Moses thought his life was just about over, but God brought him out of retirement at age 80 and called him to lead over a million Israelis through the desert.  David (after he was anointed King) was chased around by King Saul for 10 years, hiding in caves and running for his life.  Hoseas’s wife was a prostitute.  Amos’ only job had been a fig-tree pruner before he was called to be a prophet. Jeremiah suffered from depression, Thomas doubted, and Jonah ran away from God.  Abraham was a horrible liar and so was his child and grandchild.

These were all real people with real problems and real failures, just like you and me.  Yet because they continued to press on – doing the Cliff Young shuffle – they ran their race slow and steady, winning the race.

 It’s not our strength God’s looking for, but our surrender and trust in Him to provide the strength for our struggles which will never end until we take our last breath.

Hold on, press on, surrender your will to His, and you will end your race well, hearing those precious words,

Well done, good and faithful servant

Kings and People

December 19, 2023 / / 2 Comments

When I was a little girl I went to Sunday School.  I loved learning about all the stories of the Bible, the heroes, and the amazing narratives – like Moses leading all those Israelis around in the wilderness, Abraham obeying God and moving far from home, David fighting the enemy Goliath, Jonah and the big fish, Peter, as he was always speaking good things – the people in the Bible always seemingly larger than life.

As I got older, I read the entire stories of these people, often surprised about how much they screwed up during their lives.  The versions I had been taught were sanitized, making the characters almost super-human.  Then I read the Bible for myself and found out a lot more about all these Bible characters, and they weren’t quite as squeaky clean as I had been taught.

 I learned that Moses had been a murderer and not wanting to do the job God gave him; Abraham lied, got his Egyptian servant pregnant at his wife Sarah’s request; David had way too many wives – and still had an affair with his friend’s wife, killing her husband as a coverup.  Jonah was racist and didn’t want to tell his enemies about God’s love so he took off in the opposite direction. 

Not one of those stories had stellar characters – they were all flawed and regular human beings.  But I found the real stories to be much more comforting than the sanitized versions, learning how incredibly patient God has been throughout thousands of years. 

This morning I was at the keyboard, playing for communion, when I heard the word Bittersweet in the song.  We’re singing about the goodness of God, along with the horrifying death our Savoir suffered. Why would He die for us weak and vile humans? 

The short answer is because He loves us, His creation.  It is absurd for anyone to die for the human race, considering all the atrocities we have committed, and yet He did.  Not only that, but he humbled Himself and came as a baby, living handicapped inside a human body for over three decades.

When I read about the life of Jesus in the Bible, He was perfect – so unlike every other character in the Book.  He was a King, yet He lived as a servant.  He has vast power above every king in history, yet He used his power only to cure the sick, heal the emotional scars of many, multiply food for thousands to eat, and calm some storms.  There is no other man in history who accomplished what He did during His short life. 

Glenn Packiam writes an insightful contrast between King Herod, (the reigning king at the time Jesus was born) and King Jesus:

“Herod clawed his way to power;

 Jesus emptied Himself of power.

Herod killed to protect his power;

Jesus died to save the powerless.

Herod’s reign results in weeping;

Jesus’ reign results in worship.”

Now, over 2,000 years later Herod is mostly forgotten but Jesus is still a household name.

My heart sings for joy at the marvelous story of Christmas, where the upside-down Kingdom reigns – where humble acts are mighty and compassion means strength.

Jesus came as a baby, but don’t let His size fool you.

Ronald McDonald House

November 23, 2023 / / 2 Comments

McDonald’s has never been my place of choice for breakfast, lunch or dinner.  But Ronald McDonald’s House – now that’s a completely different story.  I checked into Spokane, Washington’s RMD house a few weeks ago because my daughter Amanda, delivered her daughter, Jubal, six weeks earlier than planned.  I flew from Michigan to help Michael and Amanda care for their son Onyx as they made many trips to and from the NICU at Sacred Heart Hospital and as Michael drove to work in Walla Walla staying several days at a time.

From the moment I stepped in the door at RMD, the staff was kind, the rooms and kitchen areas were pristine, and I felt completely valued and cared for.  At dinner time a huge meal was brought into the kitchen area – sausage jambalaya and rice – and was free for whoever was hungry.  The next morning there was a pan filled with pounds of crispy bacon just out of the oven, miniature quiches, a luscious apple coffee cake and cinnamon rolls.  As I was filling my plate with a bountiful hot breakfast, I asked the people who had brought such a feast who they were and why they were doing this.  They said they were from the local TV station, wanting to give to those who were having a difficult time with loved ones in the nearby hospitals. All the cooks were filled with joy as they brought more and more food out of the ovens, and our joy was immense as well.

Not all meals were furnished, but it was a delight when they were.  One Saturday night four young women from a local Gonzaga Sorority brought us spaghetti and meat balls for supper.  Michael asked them why they would spend their Saturday buying, preparing and delivering a meal to strangers whom they had never met.  They replied that as a Sorority they decided to do some service projects and chose the RMD House.

I talked to some other parents who had been there much longer than we.  One mother told us she was celebrating her 80th day with twin girls in NICU, and yet she spoke of her time here as being such a blessing.  One of the twins was born at 1 lb. 5 oz., the other 2 lbs. 10 oz.   I had no idea a child born that small could even survive.  I heard story after story of setbacks, then small victories, yet each day putting one foot in front of another, parents continuing to care for their children.  One mother has been pumping her breasts for milk for almost 3 months, each morning bringing in more bottles…  Such stories of a mother’s love are simply amazing. 

One night there was a gentleman from the community who came to give free chair massages to anyone who wanted one.  Apparently, he comes every Sunday evening simply to bless others. It was lovely.

Another day Isaac, the Comfort Dog came with his owner so we could pet him and receive comfort from this beautiful gentle animal.

Onyx and I spent hours on the playground and in the playrooms scattered throughout the RMD House.  Being a 2-year-old boy, he was naturally full of energy, but we found lots of interesting places for it to be released. 

After two weeks at the RMD House it was time to go home.  I flew East and little Jubal and her family drove South as we treasured all these beautiful memories in our hearts.  Amazingly, there was no charge for our 2-week stay!   The RMD House made a difficult time much easier to enjoy. 

Thank you to the many volunteers throughout the nation who care for the people who live temporarily in Ronald McDonald Homes – to me you are heroes!

Simplicity

October 30, 2023 / / 3 Comments

A friend and I have been reading the fascinating biography of Moses lately and it is quite amazing.  We are at the end of his life, as he is handing the mantle to Joshua.  Joshua has been Moses’ right-hand man for decades, so it wasn’t completely unexpected, but let’s face it – it’s a huge job to take over the leadership of more than a million people in the middle of a desert.

What I found amazing was the simplicity of the instructions God gave to Joshua as he was getting ready to cross the Jordan River along with the Israelis.

            Don’t ’be afraid

            Trust Me

            Be strong and courageous

            Listen and obey

            Meditate on My words

            I’ll be with you

There were many unknowns for Joshua, just like there are many unknowns in our futures, yet these are the most important instructions God gave him.  It got me wondering if they would be the best instructions for us as we live in a world thousands of years later, also full of uncertainty.

They are simple and concise, easy to remember, but it may be a bit more difficult when distractions come into focus.  One of my friends has the simplest of all instructions when crushing anxiety shows up:

Trust God and breathe.

There is much in our world to become stressed about, but one thing is sure – worrying about it won’t change a thing.  We certainly can complain, grumble and be troubled about many details of life, but what will change? Absolutely nothing.

My all-time favorite quote is from Mr Rogers:

Life is deep and simple,

But our society has made it shallow and complicated.

Have you ever heard the acronym ROI?  Yeah, me neither, but I recently learned it means: Return on your investments.  If you invest minutes and hours worrying about everything in your life, you will certainly receive a return on that – mainly continued anxiety, panic attacks and perhaps ulcers.  

But if you invest minutes, hours and days meditating on the goodness of God and His direction to:

Be strong and courageous

Not be afraid

Meditate on My love for you….

Remember, remember, remember that God is for you and will take care of you,

…then the (ROI) return on your investment will be peace and joy, all which comes from Holy Spirit. 

I’d much rather have peace than anxiety, how about you?

Jesus, I give everyone and everything to You

Love & War

September 23, 2023 / / 0 Comments

Have you ever noticed that the story of the Bible begins with a marriage and ends with a marriage?  In their book Love and War, John and Stasi Eldredge point out that the epic story of human history, spanning thousands of years, begins with a couple.  As God unfolds the beautiful, frightening, mysterious story of His love, there is not some lone hero standing against the world, but a man and a woman – a marriage.

Then in the book of Revelation, the last book in the Bible, there appears a white horse and its rider, ready for the great battle of Armegeddon, and the end of the world as we know it. Finally a feast – a wedding feast.  The wedding here is between Jesus Christ and his bride, the Church.

In a sense, marriage is a picture of the Kingdom of God.  It is meant to bring glory to God because,

God is love and where there is love, there is God. (Mother Teresa)

When we love each other in our marriages, forgive when there are offenses (and there will be offenses every day), sacrifice for one another, never give up hope, always persevere in the difficult times of life, we are modeling what the love of God is all about.

The bottom line story of the Bible is Love.  God loves us and He wants us to love one another.  Sounds simple, but as you and I know, it’s not.  Why?  Because this beautiful love story is set in the middle of a dreadful war.

Think of all the fairy tales that you love.  One of my favorites is The Little Mermaid by Hans Christian Anderson, later made into a Disney movie. If you remember the movie, that love story is placed in a war as well.  Ursula, the sea witch, was doing everything she could to keep Ariel and the Prince from marrying, making a mockery of love.  In the end, the Prince and Ariel did marry but not without a battle of heroic proportions.

Think of the famous girls and boys in other adventure stories you have read: Shasta and Aravis in The Horse and His Boy, being driven together by Aslan; Hansel and Gretel holding hands together for safety in the dark woods; Beauty and the Beast learning to love so that they will both be free.  People all over the world love those stories.  Why?  Maybe it’s because we want to live stories like that as well.

The honeymoon of Adam and Eve barely started when the serpent successfully snakes in with a plan to break everyone’s heart.  His deceptive lie separated the humans from God and from each other.  Now there was distrust, blaming, shaming, and betrayal.  Satan’s plan has not changed one bit since then, he comes only to kill, steal and destroy.

But in this, the world’s darkest moment, love shines through.  In spite of chronic unbelief on our part, God pledges to love and pursue you and me.  He does this through the great Prince, son of the King, Jesus Christ.  Christianity is truly the most preeminent love story the world has ever known.

This story is not over, it is still unfolding right now, even as you are reading.  The terrible clash between the Kingdom of God and the kingdom of darkness continues.  At the core of this age old struggle, there is one overarching question that is being raised: Can a kingdom of love prevail?  God vows that Love never fails, (1 Corinthians 13:8) but the world laughs and the devil laughs.  Sometimes we laugh too.  It sounds so naïve.  Love seems so weak when compared to the evil surrounding us.

Your marriage is set in the middle of this story, the age-old beautiful story of God pursuing His people; it is a story of redemption, a story of love.  But that story is opposed, because it is an outrageously brazen story to illustrate His heart of love toward us.

It seems that if we as married couples can’t find a great battle to fight together we’ll start one with each other.  For years I saw my husband as the enemy of our marriage.  He wouldn’t agree with me on how to raise our daughters – on which movies to watch, how to discipline, decisions on spending money….and on and on.  So I fought with him, fighting for my opinion to win, my view to be the right view.  Not surprisingly, this did not improve our marriage.

Then God finally opened my eyes to see the spiritual battle that was going on, a battle that could only be fought effectively with prayer and love.  You know the verse “Love your enemies, pray for those who hurt you…”?  Well, when I finally started doing what this verse says, a ray of hope sprang up in my heart.  I started trusting God to do His work, instead of me trying to change things.  And that is precisely when things started to change.

Oh how I lament the years that I tried to do things in my own power, but God is so gracious.  He patiently waits for each of us to come to the point of giving up on ourselves and giving in to Him.  He never coerces, never pressures, he simply pursues, encouraging us through his Spirit.

We are prone to wander, forget, and go back to old patterns, but for that too God is patient, forgiving and filled with grace, urging us to get up and try again.

God loves you as you are, not as you should be. (Brennan Manning)

Benevolent Detachment

August 29, 2023 / / 6 Comments

Have you ever seen a gnarly tree?  They are not particularly attractive – they twist, turn and look like they’ve been injured.  If you’ve seen the Lord of the Rings, you may remember Treebeard, one of the Ents (the living and walking trees) who befriended Merry and Pippin and let them ride in his branches as he walked along to assist them in their hunt for Frodo. Treebeard was a gnarly tree…  

It is a gnarly time to be a human being.  And God cares about your humanity… 

John Eldredge writes these words, and gnarly is a good descriptor of the era in which we live.  Twisted, rough, crooked, distorted, dangerous, hazardous, precarious, insecure – all are definitions for the word gnarly.  Some days more than others, I am tempted to feel those emotions as I look around at our country and culture.

John, along with his team at Wild at Heart, have constructed an app which has been a rescue for me.  Named The One Minute Pause, it gives space during my day to breathe, come away from the world’s problems and my own problems, and place them where they belong – on the shoulders of God.

We, as frail  human beings, were not ever expected to carry our burdens on our own; they are simply too heavy for us.  In The One Minute Pause app, the first words you hear are

I give everyone and everything to you, God.

Coming from the verse ,

Cast all your cares upon God, for He cares for you.

1 Peter 5:7

I had not heard the term Benevolent Detachment before.  I love the word Benevolent – meaning kind, compassionate, tenderhearted.  It sounds warm and loving.  Yet when benevolent is paired with the word detachment, they appear to be opposites. Jesus wants us to love people, of course, and to care about the circumstances surrounding them, but He also wants us to understand that we cannot save anyone.  We have a part to play, yet we need to be careful not to overstep into the realm God plays  in people’s lives.  It’s a little like staying in your own lane, yet driving responsibly to protect you and the people around you. 

If you look at the life of Jesus, this is exactly how he lived.  He loved well but was never dependent on people’s opinions – negative or positive – he simply cared deeply but never entangled himself in order to coerce or control.  If someone rejected Him, He walked away.  When someone wanted to be with Him, He allowed it, yet at times even He would walk away when He needed rest and solitude.  He knew He was living in a human body and had the same limitations our bodies possess.  He knew he needed rest and quiet time away from people, and he knew He was totally dependent on his Father, just as we are.

Thinking through your hours and minutes today, what or who do you need to let go of, to benevolently detach from?

Your children?

Your parents?

The text you just received?

Your expectations of the perfect life you had hoped would someday appear?

Your worries about finances?

Your husband?

Your planning for the future?

The number of likes you received from your latest social media post?

The frustrations of your job?

There are times in my past when I had the crazy idea that I was in control of my own destiny. I believed I must be the one to figure stuff out on my own, and it was up to me to make it work.  But I have learned that I have no such power.  The verse 

Cast all your cares upon God, for He cares for you

reminds me that I don’t have to carry that load, and there’s no way in the world that  I can.  Jesus has offered to bear it all, so why not let Him?  

There are many instances when we simply cannot fix our own or others’ problems.  We can’t change other people, it’s actually quite tough to bring change in our own lives.  But we can seek God and His wisdom, surrendering ourselves and others to Him.  There is simply no other way to live in peace and contentment.

If you are interested in downloading the free app, simply type into your Google search bar: One Minute Pause App and begin to give your cares and your worries to your Heavenly Father. There’s no one who cares like He does.

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