Musings on Marriage

Author: Shari Baar (Page 6 of 22)

Caterpillar to a Butterfly

Dear Daughters,

We stroll through life sometimes, thinking everything will continue to be as good as it is today, until suddenly it isn’t.  We fall into a pit – never see it coming – but there we sit in a deep dark hole. Have you ever fallen into the proverbial pit yourself?  A hole of self-pity, throwing a woe is me party for yourself and no one shows?  I’ve done it far too many times.  Sometimes I awake in the morning with the dread of starting a new day because of a poor night sleep, and am tired even before I put my feet on the ground.

Every morning I say, This is the day the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it…  that is, every morning I remember.  Today it was quite a while after I woke simply because I forgot and didn’t feel like rejoicing, I felt like complaining: Why did I have another short night?  Why do I have such sorrow in my heart?  The war in Ukraine has taken a toll on many of us, the heartbreak of seeing in real time one country brazenly attacking another with no provocation.

After coming out of the Covid years, many of us were hoping that our lives would calm down and get back to normal – whatever normal may look like.  But now there is another world crisis.

It’s amazing to me when most every created thing in our world lives, grows and behaves just how God planned for them.  Flowers grow and bloom, sharing their beauty with the world, thinking nothing of themselves but only bringing joy to their Maker as well as people all around them.  Or take a scampering squirrel – I love to watch their playful antics as they run up a tree as another squirrel chases them down – their joy is laughable and contagious.  Think about dogs who love their owners, listen to whatever troubles their people have and get all wiggly and excited when you come home?  Or how about the lowly caterpillar, waiting patiently for its metamorphosis?

Plants and animals live the purpose for which they were created to live; trees give fruit, vines grow multiple varieties of squash and the stars shine brilliantly in the sky at night.  The sun shines and gives warmth, even on a cold winter day.  You never see a star wishing it was a cloud, or a daisy wishing it was a dog.  Every part of creation does just what they were created for – except for people.

What is it that people were created to do?  Just like the plants and animals, we were created to give glory and praise to our Maker. 

Have you ever considered the wonder of a wormy little caterpillar transforming into a butterfly?  The life cycle begins when the female adult butterfly lays her eggs (the size of a pinhead) on any variety of plants.  In just 3 – 7 days the caterpillars will emerge out of the eggs and start eating whatever leaf they were born on and others like it.  They eat and eat and eat.  In just 2 weeks of full-time eating, they are about two inches long and a hundred times the size of the egg from which they were born. 

When the caterpillar is finished eating and full grown, it hangs from the plant and becomes a chrysalis for several weeks, looking as if it were dead.  But inside a miracle of transformation is happening.  Metamorphosis is going on, a caterpillar becoming a butterfly.

What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the Master calls the butterfly.

Richard Bach

To the caterpillar, it must look like his life is over and he is dying, never to do anything of value again.  Maybe I’m giving too much credence to this little humble creature, I’m sure his thoughts are not quite that profound.  But even to the untrained human eye it looks like his life is gone and perhaps forgotten.

Do you ever feel like you are wrapped up in a cocoon, nothing growing or changing and it feels as if your life is over?  I think we’ve all been there at one time or many.  When you are in the pit, it sometimes feels like a cocoon – dark and tight.  But, since Jesus promised He would never leave or forsake us, we know He’s in the pit or cocoon with you and me. 

But we often feel forsaken, forgotten.  Feelings cannot always be trusted, because even though we feel alone, our God is with us no matter what. And that is a promise from the Creator who made you.

Just like the caterpillar, Jesus is changing us, transforming us into a people who will glorify Him.  When it seems like the end of the world, and all looks dark, be not afraid, for He transforms us into beautiful butterflies.  It is only then that we too, like the rest of creation, will do what we have been called to do.  Instead of warring with other people we will learn to love; instead of considering only our own selfish desires we will look out for the good of others. 

God looks at the chaos and all He sees is beauty waiting to emerge.

Curt Thompson

Let’s shine our light just as the humble butterflies, flowers, squirrels and dogs do.  Praising our Creator without restraint, knowing He is bringing us to a place of comfort and peace where there is no fear, no matter what happens all around us.

Love, Mom

Hope…Always

Dear Daughters,

I received a potted amaryllis bulb at the end of November from Aunt Rhonda.  Over the years I have grown several with great success and I was eagerly expecting the same.  I followed all the directions, put it near a window and watered it faithfully for weeks expecting to see some lush green growth topped with a beautiful flower by Christmas.  Day after day, week after week it looked the same, like a dead bulb in dirt.  After 4 weeks I was just about ready to toss the whole pot in the trash and be done with it.  Then one day I saw a slight white shoot peeking out the top and celebrated that perhaps all my watering and care was not in vain.

Now, finally in mid-February there are some gorgeous magenta blooms – just as I had hoped.

Because I was impatient, I just about tossed out what was to become a lovely flower, but because of that slightly ambiguous word – hope – I faithfully continued to water and keep it in the light so maybe, just maybe it would grow like I had expected. 

And then I got thinking about situations for which I have been praying for years.  The healing of a relationship, the growth of a marriage, the softening of hearts, and the healing of a broken body.  I know Jesus hears my prayers and is working things out for my good but sometimes I get frustrated and think,

Why should I care anymore?

 What good is it doing?

 Will anything ever change?

Have you ever had those thoughts, when the prayers you pray seem to be hitting the ceiling and dropping down again?  It’s hard to keep on loving, keep on showing up, keep on doing good.  In fact, there’s a proverb written over 3,000 years ago stating,

Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.

Proverbs 13:12

Obviously waiting over three weeks for an amaryllis to bloom is much different than waiting years for something you’re hoping for.  I think of those women who have waited for years to have a baby, suffering through months of infertility and disappointment.  Or those who have suffered sexual abuse and have waited for months, perhaps years, to see a judge convict an abuser.  Sometimes it seems as if God is on mute as we pray for the people we love year after year, hoping that justice will be served. 

I ponder the story of Abraham and Sarah who were promised a child from God and waited for 25 years before it came to be.  King David, who after he was anointed King, had to wait another 10 years running and hiding in caves in order to keep from King Saul’s vengeance.  Good things do happen, promises are kept but sometimes it’s hard to keep on going, every day putting one foot in front of another when we repeatedly hear the voices whispering in our heads,

Nothing is ever going to change, it will be this way forever...

Certainly it feels like it at times, but the truth is – life is changing every day.  Just as imperceptibly as a plant grows – we cannot see it day by day – but during months and years they do grow.  God is listening, working and at just the right time the beautiful bloom will appear.

Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, this he will also reap…Let us not lose heart in doing good,

for in due time, we will reap if we do not grow weary.

Galatians 6:7,9

Did you know that bamboo plants grow as many as 35 inches a day!  And on the opposite extreme there is the Tamarisk tree, native to the drier climates of Eurasia and Africa, which only grows about 1 inch per day.  Why?  Because that’s the way God, in His wisdom, created them.  Different species require different growing times and different maturation dates. 

And there is an appointed time for every event under Heaven.

A time to give birth and a time to die,

a time to plant and a time to uproot what is planted…

Ecclesiastes 3:1-2

Have good courage and confidence because God is doing a good work, and He will bring it to completion.

I love the following prayer from Tim Keller:

Lord, I confess I do not understand your timing. If I were in charge of history and my life I would have arranged things differently.

But I cannot see the whole picture, I cannot see from beginning to end, and so I wait for you in obedience and prayer.  Amen.

Love, Mom

Slow Down

Dear Daughters,

          When I was in junior high I loved to play the piano, loud and fast.  I hated to play slow songs – they were so boring.  Plus, all the kids were impressed when I played fast and loud – spider fingers is what they called me.

            Later on in college, Professor Worst would say to me,  

Slow down, Shari, your music will have so much more life to it if you just go slower.  Breathe.

            Years ago, when I walked with my friends I loved to walk fast.  We would walk and talk and walk.  Then when Grandma came to visit, just she and I would go walking.  I would be silently annoyed because she walked slower than I liked, but I would grudgingly adapt to her speed. 

            When you are in Wyoming and the gas gauge on your car is getting low and there’s not a gas station for another 52 miles, what’s the best thing to do?  Slow down so your miles per gallon goes up and maybe, just maybe you can make it to the next town before the tank is empty. It didn’t always work for us, but in theory it should.

            In my younger years I wanted to be efficient, multi-task, get the most done in the least amount of time.  Isn’t that the way a good Christian woman should be?  I wanted to do my best for God, which meant to do it quickly and well.  I expected the same from God: He should be efficient, answer my prayers according to my timetable, maybe not quickly, but I really shouldn’t have to wait too long, should I?

            And then I got sick and was laid low, on my back, for weeks.  I couldn’t walk around the block, much less walk fast around the block.  Of course, I was irritated, angry that I didn’t get better quickly. 

            One day as I was on the couch, lying down and looking up, I read in Isaiah the following words that jumped out from the page:

Woe to those who say, ‘Let God hurry and carry out His plans so that we can see something happening and know that His word is true.’  (5:19)

I was shocked, surprised, and truth be told, hurt, to read that God was in no hurry to answer my prayers of healing or of anything else I desired, in fact there was a ‘woe’ attached to hurry.  In the past I had been so busy that I had not listened to his voice that also said,

 Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for Him.

Psalm 37:7

            A few months ago, I was practicing the song Breathe on the piano and it had some difficult parts in it when I was keeping the same speed throughout.  But as I was working out the hard spots, having to go slow, I noticed a beauty I hadn’t heard before.  I found that if I took extra time and breathed into the song some times of slowing, stretching the tempo, it came alive and was much more beautiful than simply trying to keep the challenging parts the same speed as the rest of the song.  I needed to be reminded again, Slow Down.  Especially the hard parts.

Eventually I was able to get up and around again after my extended time on the couch, and now I am still learning to go slow, take time, and

Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.

Psalm 27:14

I’m assuming that because the phrase, Wait for the Lord, is stated two times in that little short verse, God is really serious about us waiting.  So, what are we waiting for?  I think waiting sounds a little like trusting in God’s timing, not demanding our own way right now.  Our culture has taught us that we deserve immediate gratification – if you want it, you go and get it.  But Jesus desires to teach us about delayed gratification, learning to be joyful and expectant and trusting before He brings the answer. 

As Ann Voskamp says so often,

Life is not an emergency.

In God’s eyes, relationships are much more important than keeping busy.  The rewards that come from listening to your husband’s and children’s hearts, acknowledging their hurts and triumphs will endure much longer than any busyness we may conjure up on our own. 

In our marriages we want changes in ourselves, our husband, and in our kids.  When we invite God into our hard parts of life, He will bring about change – but never in a hurried way.  He will work out every detail, every hurt, every little thing in us and in our families in His time.  Trust Him with your life – and slow down.

Love, Mom

I Give Up

Dear Daughters,

A few years ago I read Laura Story’s book, When God Doesn’t Fix It.  She wrote about the tragic brain tumor her husband, Martin, had just one year into their marriage, and the subsequent disabilities he struggles with after living more than 10 years post-surgery.  Thousands of prayers had been offered along with months of hospitalizations and rehab, yet still he struggles with a substantial memory deficit and significant vision problems.

It would have been easy for Laura to walk away because this is not what she signed up for, nor was it in their 5-year marriage plan.  But instead of physical healing, God sent people who loved and cared about Laura and Martin, people who helped with all the little and large details of living with a major disability.  The church surrounded them both with compassion and food, practical help in living with a disabled husband, and giving hours of listening ears.

 Just recently I read another book by Laura, I Give Up, following up on her and Martin’s life.  As the title suggests, Laura has learned to surrender everything just as it is, saying to God I give upI’ve done all I can, and he’s not getting better.  She did not give up doing good and caring for Martin, but gave up on the encroaching hopelessness, frustration and despair.  When she says the words, I give up, she is basically saying I surrender to Your will for my life.  I surrender all the expectations I had for my life – like a healthy husband… I don’t like it, but I trust You

When she surrendered – and it was not an overnight easy surrender but rather an ongoing everyday surrender – she found peace.  In time, she was able to see all the good things God does through infirmities and other unexpected and often unwanted situations.  Laura learned to accept what she could not change, and embrace her new normal.

Rhonda Rietkerk

I don’t know about you, but I like to have things my way.  I like to make my plans and ask God to bless them.  I would love to have a wish list for 2022 and ask God to put His stamp of approval on, wave His magic wand over and perform everything I desire.  But as I’ve learned over the past few decades, that’s not how He works.  He has a plan that is far better than mine because he knows the future, I do not.  But how can I trust that His plan is what’s best for me?  Sometimes His plan doesn’t feel like the best thing, but He knows what I need, I do not.

It’s not easy to surrender your life to someone you can’t see, but it’s possible.  It reminds me of a conversation between Mrs. Beaver and Lucy in The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe.  Asking about Aslan, the King of Narnia, Lucy asks “Is he safe?”  “Oh no, he’s not safe,” says Mrs. Beaver.  “But he’s good.”

Rhonda Rietkerk

If we know the character of the person we trust, then we are better able to surrender the details of our life to Him.  And when I look at the promises of Jesus, like:

I will never leave you nor forsake you.

Hebrews 13:5

Lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the world. 

Matthew 28:20

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 

Matthew 11:28

But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all generously without finding fault, and it will be given to him. 

James 1:5

why would I fear? Why would I not surrender my New Year to Jesus?  Because I need help even with surrendering. Thankfully, you and I have the Holy Spirit living within us to give us the strength to make that choice.

When you are exhausted and you don’t know how to calm your mind, surrender to God.  When you are scared when looking at the future and fearful of what may happen to those you love, surrender your people and your future to God. 

Rhonda Rietkerk

I have tried to run my life for enough years now to know that my plans are short-sighted, superficial and self-centered at best.  I have no idea of what others around me need and I am not able to see the big picture or the future. 

Laura has surrendered to an unexpected life of joy, even though her husband can’t drive or hold down a full-time job.  Her music is loved all over the world because she sings and writes about Blessings in the midst of heartache, and living in the joy of Surrender.

God may not change your circumstances to your liking, but you can unclench your tight fists of trying to be in control and surrender with open hands to whatever He has planned for you – which will be abundantly better than anything you could possibly ask or imagine.

Who knows? You may even be surprised by joy when you say I Give Up.

Love, Mom

Contentment at Christmas

Dear Daughters,

It was two weeks before Christmas and I didn’t even have my wreath up yet.  Thanksgiving decorations were sitting around waiting to go into the storage box, then heading down for the basement.  The Christmas tree was still in its box.  I cancelled my piano student’s Christmas recital, and everything is different this year, not at all going as planned.

That’s probably been the story of every one of you sometime or other – we all have plans for our lives, and rarely do they go according to our idea of how they should.  Sometimes there are disappointments, sometimes unexpected joys, sickness, heartache and grief, while it seems like the rest of the world is joyful and festive. 

It would be easy for me to dwell on what I don’t have – energy because of ongoing covid fatigue, the loss of a beautiful evening of Christmas music from the students I love, the extra work it takes to care for dad, missing out on events I had hoped to be a part of.  And to be truthful, I have been disappointed, sometimes angry and frustrated about how drastically our lives have changed. 

But after grieving my losses, I have chosen instead to dwell on what I can do – call up a home health care service and ask for help from a woman with lots of energy, enjoy watching and listening to The Messiah, ask for help from some grandchildren and their parents, hire a snowplowing service to clear our driveway this winter.  Dad has always been able to snow blow and shovel our driveway and sidewalks, but there comes a time to pass the work on to someone else. 

I’ve always loved the verse, I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.  But it wasn’t until a few years ago that I found that verse in context.  Paul, who penned these words as he was sitting in a Roman prison, wrote the following rather astounding sentences:

…I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am.  I know how to get along with humble means, and I also know how to live in prosperity; in any and every circumstance I have learned the secret of being filled and going hungry, both of having abundance and suffering need.

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me…

Philippians 4:11-13

Contentment is the main subject, and suffering can be our greatest teacher.  While we have no control over whether or not we will contract an illness, we can learn to decide how we live during that time – be it a short time or long.  We can choose to lament why me? and see the unfairness of it all, or we can come to the point of surrendering the circumstances of our lives to Jesus and finding contentment in whatever comes our way.  It seems counterintuitive, but contentment is a by-product of the strength Jesus gives us. 

 I will be honest, there were a few days during our covid adventure that I was not content.  When I first learned Dad was coming home and I was still struggling with the virus, I was frustrated – How can I take care of him, an oxygen tank, a walker, a back brace… when I’m only able to be off the couch a few hours a day?  But after I spoke about all my inadequacies and irritation to Jesus (He’s usually the first one I vent to) I found out that a few hours a day off the couch was all I needed.  Friends and family brought food, nurses were nearby virtually, and we both started improving slowly but surely. 

I cry aloud to the Lord; I lift up my voice to the Lord for mercy.

I spill out all my complaints before him, and spell out my troubles in detail.

Psalm 142:1-2

When we come to the end of our own strength and cry out for help, He often sends assistance through other people. So much food was provided that we had to put some in the freezer for a time, young and energetic children and grandchildren helped move around furniture and put up decorations, assisted with the outdoor work we were unable to do, and now… all is well.

Thank you all for generously giving to us,

Love, Mom

A Different Thanksgiving

Dear Daughters,

Our Thanksgiving celebration this year looked a lot different than usual.  Dad was in the hospital for 2 weeks, so we’ve seen each other here and there in the hospital, as we track Dad’s progress on the family Google Docs, MyChart from Metro Hospital, and the daily Dr. updates.  I’ve learned way more than I ever wanted to know about Covid and the fourth floor at Metro.  Yet I am so thankful for the many people I’ve met, from the ambulance guys (at our house 2 times in 5 days) to the ER staff, all those young whippersnapper doctors and nurses who look like they are fresh out of high school (yet they seem to know what they are talking about.)  The kind nurses, food servers, housekeeping staff, PT and OT therapists, chaplains and countless others who came every day with kind words and caring hearts.  Even the welcome desk people recognize us and ask how we are doing. 

I have always been amazed at the medical community, how they have given their lives to help people who are sick to regain strength, every day seeing what’s wrong with human bodies instead of what’s right with them.  Our bodies are so incredibly complex, fearfully and wonderfully made, and although they are typically well, one little microscopic organism can almost shut a body right down.

As you know, at the beginning of dad’s hospitalization he was so sick we thought we would lose him.  Many people were praying, as were we.  Most of our family were sick with Covid as well so at the beginning we were unable to visit.  Dad was sick, struggling to breathe, scared and secluded.

During that time, on one dark and lonely night at home, I simply surrendered Dad to Jesus saying, Your will be done.  I was too sick to do anything else, only able to say those four words.  But with that I fell asleep and slept peacefully. 

The next morning, there was a turnaround with Dad.  We were able to visit (some driving together in the covid van, the others separately). He became hopeful and fought to live and not die.

I wonder if knowing and truly believing the word Emmanuel – God with Us – makes a difference.  God with us.  A person, not a philosophy or an idea, but a real person – our Creator – is with us always.  When we forget about Emmanuel, fear and anxiety consume, doubt and despair control our thoughts.  But when we pause to believe and dwell on the fact that Our God is with us – even if we don’t feel like He is – then there is peace.

Someone is actually here, Someone unseen who is actually closer than the next unseen breath that fills your lungs,

and that which is unseen can be here, keeping you alive.

Ann Voskamp

I don’t know why Dad was spared and others aren’t; life is unfair and suffering abounds. I have cared for some whose bodies left this weary world and I have cared for those who have lived.  We always need to mourn with those who mourn, weep with those who weep and rejoice with those who rejoice. 

To always remember God is with us, no matter what darkness and pain we suffer, we know we are never alone, and that is the only comfort we have – in life and in death.

Love, Mom

Write Your Own Headlines

Dear Daughters,

Sometimes I listen to the news, but I must limit myself because the news that sells is usually filled with conflict, covid and criticism – which if heard too often leads to a heavy dose of anxiety.  If I try to find my stability in the news I hear from the world, I become wobbly and fearful, anxious and full of despair.  I pray for people in our country and around the world, for politicians (those I agree with and those I don’t) but it is not healthy for me to focus intently on what is wrong in the world. 

I recently read an article by Beverly Greer about an idea I have decided to adopt.  She decided to start writing her own headlines – not to be published in the news – but headlines from her own world as she hunts for beauty, faithfulness and goodness.  I too have started searching for good headlines to write, those that may be mocked by others as insignificant, never to land on the front page, but headlines nevertheless.  Headlines to encourage patience and gratitude, perseverance and love.  Here’s a few I have written for myself:

A butterfly climbs out of its cocoon this morning, glorious in all its beauty.

Family drops everything to come to Grandpa’s bedside as he enters his last days

and his body gives out

The sun rises over a deep canyon filled with liquid beauty.

Kim Baar

The miracle of people flying in an aluminum tube above the clouds

The spikey beauty of icicles are seen on a simple windshield

Apples growing on a tree started by planting a single apple seed

A man and woman have been faithful to each other for 45 years

Starlings seen doing unimaginable acrobatics that would challenge the Blue Angels

A single sperm and egg unite and become a baby in 9 short months

To some, this may seem like a wasteful exercise and quite inefficient for people who are busy doing important things, but writing your own headlines is an exercise in faith.  Faith that this world was created specifically to be beautiful and life-giving.  Yes, it has been marred and broken, but God originally made all things good and He is delighted when we take the time to actually see and give thanks for such things.  This is also an exercise in trust, knowing that

The reality of naked trust is the life of a pilgrim who leaves what is nailed down, obvious and secure, and walks into the unknown without any rational explanation to justify the decision or guarantee the future... Do the truth quietly, without display.

Brennan Manning

Brennan Manning, who defines the intense love of God for his children to be the most powerful force in the universe, lived a life of simplicity.  He looked for God’s goodness everywhere, because it is everywhere – if we take the time to look.

Writing your own headlines won’t make you money or cause the world to applaud your actions, but it just may bring you more peace and joy…

The marvel of the human body, the splendor of the universe and all its inhabitants are subjects that could keep us occupied for thousands of years.  In his humility, God created not just one species of butterflies, but 17,500.  He created not just our Milky Way galaxy, but millions more. The little blue dot we humans inhabit is miniscule compared to the rest of the vast heavens around us. And yet He made all things on this little dot for us to discover and be amazed. He rejoices when we give thanks for all He has given. As Jesus Himself says,

...I have told you these things so that in Me you will have peace. In this world you will have suffering, but take courage: I have overcome the world.

John 16:33

There is absolutely no end to God’s creativity in trees, fruit, feet, fingerprints, clouds, voices, snowflakes, personalities, body shapes, hair color, laughter, sunsets, leaves and the intricacy of all His creation. Every square inch of our world belongs to Him, on loan for us to enjoy.

What headlines can you write as you look around in your world today? Please leave a headline of your own in the comment section below. 

Thank you!

Love, Mom

Choose Your Frame

Dear Daughters,

About 70 years ago Grandpa had a mid-air collision while he was a young pilot living in California.  Because of the G.I. bill he was able to take lessons for free, so had been training for his pilot’s license.  One day Grandpa was flying quite low to the runway when another small plane, flying a little higher than his, turned unexpectedly into Grandpa’s path and cut off his tail in the process.  Grandpa’s plane flipped completely over and landed on its nose, leaving him hanging in his seatbelt.  He loosened his belt, dropped to the ground and walked away unharmed.

There were five different people who saw the accident.  Guess how many different opinions came when they were questioned about what happened?  Yes, five different opinions of the same accident.

It happens all the time, for any situation, statement or news report.  An incident occurs and every person perceives it with their own bias or prior knowledge and experience.  How we frame our circumstances definitely defines the way we live. 

This morning we woke up to a power outage lasting three hours. No warm breakfast or hot tea – a minor inconvenience for us, and it passed quickly.  But I’m sure it was a cause for extreme consternation to others who had things to do and places to go.  I immediately thought of the people in the Dominican Republic and other countries like it.  In the DR people plan on outages every day because different quadrants of the city are allowed so many hours of electricity each day and they simply allow for that fact, grateful when it is working.   

There are many different frames available for everything that happens to us.  We can frame a situation so we become the victim.  We can frame another happening so we are the hero.  Or we can frame a circumstance portraying us as innocent. The framing options never end…

Do you remember Paul, the guy who Jesus appeared to on the road to Damascus?  He regularly had his plans foiled and his journeys often included unexpected encounters and directions.  In fact, during the end of his life he and some friends set out to Rome, eagerly planning to spread the good news to the people there.  Instead, he ended up in prison, being chained night and day to the guards keeping watch over him.  In this situation Craig Groeschel (in Winning the War in Your Mind) describes the choices of how Paul could respond:

#1) Lament the fact of his imprisonment because it wasn’t on his agenda

#2) Rejoice because Paul trusted that God’s plan was better than his

If he had chosen option #1 he could have said:

Now I want you to know, brothers and sisters, that what has happened to me really sucks.  I wanted to spread the good news through preaching to government officials, but that did not happen.  As a result of this hell I’ve been through I have decided prayer doesn’t work, and I am never going back to church again.

But because he trusted that God’s plan was better than his he chose option #2 and said:

I want you to know, brothers and sisters, that everything that has happened to me here has helped to spread the Good News.  For everyone here, including the whole palace guard, knows that I am in chains because of Christ.  And because of my imprisonment, most of the believers here have gained confidence and boldly speak God’s message without fear.  Philippians 1:12-14

In effect, Paul was saying, I had a plan but God had a better plan.  These guards are listening to the gospel and they in turn tell others the good news.  So it’s all good, and I’ll just enjoy.

Paul was the GOAT (greatest of all time) framer of circumstances.  He found joy in every situation, in fact he is the one who wrote,

I have learned to be content in all circumstances…I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.

Philippians 4:11-13

I think the bottom line in framing our lives is knowing that we have no control over what happens to us, but we do have control over how we will frame it.  If we trust that God loves us and has the best plan for our lives, and the Spirit of God lives within us, we need not worry or fret when hard stuff happens.  Yes, we can mourn and lament but ultimately, we do have the choice to reframe every situation.

Apparently, Grandpa simply framed his accident as a learning experience because a few decades later he built his own plane and took to the sky again.

Choose well and trust God with your life.

Love, Mom

Zig Zag Lives

Dear Daughters,

My favorite subject as a sophomore in high school was geometry.  One of the basic axioms I learned was the shortest distance between two points is a straight line, and it is indeed true – in geometry. 

But as you may have noticed in life, we don’t travel from Point A (birth) to Point B(death) in a straight-up-the-mountain line.  There are high points, low points and lots of zig-zags around the in-between points.

Since Dad and I have been married we have moved 12 times within four states -that’s a lot of zigging and zagging geographically.  Some people seem to be able to learn the things God has prepared for them while living in the same house, others of us need to go from place to place, learning the important lessons of life.

I used to think about the Israelites wandering from place to place in the wilderness for 40 years and thought that’s a really inefficient way for God to get His people from here to there.  They could have traveled the distance in 11 days, but it took them 40 years, crisscrossing the desert.  But after reading about all their grumbling, complaining and general discontent with everything going on in their lives- even in the midst of free food and clothes that never wore out – I began to understand I was much like them. 

In my earlier years, I would often complain how things in my life were not going as I would have liked.  Moving here, moving there, meeting friends only to leave and start over again. I was lonely, didn’t have a long-term friend, and my potential was not being fulfilled… or so I thought.

I used to pray, asking God to change my circumstances so I could have a peaceful life.  If I was ever in a place remotely resembling a wilderness (when people wouldn’t do what I thought they should) I would try quickly to change them or conditions around me to suit my preferences.

Thank God that during my wilderness years I have learned that I am the only person I can change.  Finally, my prayer is not to avoid or escape the hard times but to trust Him, knowing that because He loves me He has promised to walk with me through every hardship.

Of course, we have to understand that the number one goal of God as he works in our lives is molding and shaping us to be like Him.  Specifically, He is making us more patient and kind, less boastful and proud, more joyful and long-suffering, less selfish and impatient.  Character, to God, is much more important than money, prestige and fame – which of course is completely upside down to what our culture teaches us.

And what does He use to cause these qualities to appear in us?  Hard times of isolation and stress.  In tough times – instead of running from them – it’s best to press into God, lean on Him and trust Him to lead through and beyond to the other side.

In God’s economy, a zigzag line is the shortest distance between two points. 

 Bill Lawrence

God has each of us in a unique place, at just the right moment of time, and in the exact family that is best for us.  Of course it’s hard, everywhere is hard, but we were not put on this earth simply to have a joy fest. 

The definition of a contented man is he who enjoys the scenery along the detour.

Kim Baar

I was walking outside the other day enjoying the beautiful sunshine when I heard some whirring wings above my head.  I looked up and saw a large flock of starlings.  These birds were doing acrobatics as if they had trained and practiced for months.  They would swoop straight up vertically for a short time then perform a circular pattern and immediately straighten out and fly as if on a racetrack.  Then just as I thought they would continue out of sight they swooped down for a bit and returned toward me as if they were performing an intricately choreographed routine simply for my pleasure. 

How did each one of those tiny birds know when the group was going to do their maneuvers?  I just stood there amazed as I watched them perform for me, then as they finally flew away to give someone else a fascinating show. 

When I consider the remarkable wisdom and creativity of God to gift small, seemingly insignificant birds with the ability to fly such intricate drills, I marvel.  Then I think, if Jesus choreographs their lives and flight patterns so perfectly I can rest assured that He is doing the same for me and you –  zig zags and all.

Love, Mom

Known, Seen, Loved

Dear Daughters,

Yesterday I had a terrible, horrible, very bad, no good day.  I woke up feeling physically and emotionally fragile – which happens every now and again.  You know the feeling?  It was cloudy out, actually a pelting rainstorm as I was driving to meet with some friends I hadn’t seen in a while.  Somehow I didn’t get the memo of the change of location, so after driving 20 minutes to the normal meeting spot, a kind man told me the meeting had been moved. He gave me the new address, so I walked out to the car and promptly fell apart, weeping.

Really?  Just because I didn’t hear about the change?  How immature and silly of me, I told myself.  I vacillated between giving up and going home or seeking out the new meeting spot. In the end I put on my big girl panties and ventured out in the storm again, going another 15 minutes in the torrential storm to find the changed location at which I finally arrived.  All the way there I was feeling forgotten, unseen, alone and back to my 13-year-old self when I had been left alone because of a misunderstanding of a meeting place in another state, decades ago.

How quicky one single trigger can bring us back to less than desirable thoughts of what has happened in the past – feeling lost and alone, thinking no one cares, or worse that someone deliberately left us out.

When I finally arrived to the true meeting spot, I was greeted warmly by my friends, but the topic of conversation (in my head) circled around to more times of rejection in the past – some deliberate, others only perceived -so I fought back tears most of the time.  At the end I planned to quickly jet out the door when no one was looking, and my plan worked…almost.

Michelle caught me and asked if I was OK.  Of course, I was not and I wanted to lie saying, Yes, I’m fine, just feeling quiet today.  But, since I’m not a very good liar, when I opened my mouth the tears started streaming again.  I told her what had happened – the miscommunication, the perceived hurt and all the other thoughts swirling in my mind.  Then in her kind, caring voice she said

You know those are lies, right?

Right.  Of course, they’re lies.  Sheesh, I know about lies from the enemy, voices from my past, I have been teaching it to others for years.  So how did I get caught in this downward spiral of self-disdain, loathing and hopelessness? 

It’s embarrassing to forget everything I know and give in to the emotions of the moment, but somedays it happens so unexpectedly and sneakily and I don’t know when the floodgate opened, but the gang’s all there.

So when I finally returned home, I cried out to God to remind me that I am Known, Seen and Loved – whether I feel like it or not.  I know I cannot let others’ opinions of me be the final word, especially when those words were spoken so long ago.  I need to go back even farther in time and listen to the words my Father God tells me:

“Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet My unfailing love for you will not be shaken, nor my covenant of peace be removed,” says the Lord who has compassion on you.

Isaiah 54:10

I have loved you with an everlasting love.  With unfailing love, I have drawn you to myself.

Jeremiah 31:3

The clamor of voices from the media and others around you, telling you you’re not smart enough, pretty enough, or enough in any way are simply distractions to keep us from the simple truth that we are loved just as we are. 

Love from people is good, but what happens when they leave us, offend us or walk away?  We will all be betrayed in some way some day by a human – or by many humans.  It’s just what humans do because we are flawed.  Only the perfect loving Savior, Jesus Christ, can supply us with all we need.  To be Known, Seen and Loved.  

We are not what we do.

We are not what we have.

We are not what others think of us.

Coming home is claiming the Truth.

I am a beloved child of God.

We no longer need to beg permission from the world to exist.

Henri Nouwen

Love, Mom

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