Branches and Trees

Musings on Marriage

Page 12 of 22

Under Construction

September 19, 2018 / / 0 Comments

Dear Daughters,

A few weeks ago I was downtown Grand Rapids visiting a friend in the hospital.  My typical drive home is about an hour, but I soon noticed road construction on my outward journey.  Since I don’t know downtown well and was not comfortable with any alternate roads on my own, I continued to follow GoogleMaps’ instructions as she reassuringly said I was still on the fastest route.

Because it was near the 5 o’clock rush hour (I always think it should be called snail hour) as well as a construction zone, it took 30 minutes to go the first two miles, and my travel home time was extended considerably.  It wasn’t a problem because I had no appointment or necessity to be home on time.  So, as I inched through downtown I took time to appreciate all the work that was being done, freshly poured sidewalks, new road and bridge construction,  people walking the streets on their way home – moving much faster than I.

There have been days in my past when I would have become tense and frustrated with all the slow downs and detours.  But I started thinking about a road in Idaho a few years ago.  It had been an unusually icy winter and the spring brought huge potholes on many country roads.  One day Dad came home and told me he was working on his PH.D  – becoming a Pot Hole Dodger.  He literally would have to swerve from side to side trying to avoid all the potholes because they would nearly swallow the car.

Having newly laid roads is a treat and I like to see it as a privilege.  I once read a quote:

The sign of a truly contented man is he who enjoys the scenery along the detour.


Have you ever considered that your life is under construction?

Does your heart sometimes feel like it’s full of potholes and needs to be restored?

There are days when my love grows cold, I lament my failures of the past, and I wonder why the seeming detour of my life is taking so long.

From the day we are conceived until the day we die, we are under construction. Those first nine months in the womb are an incredible miracle as we grow from two cells into an entire human being.

Then we are born – kicking and screaming.

After a year or so we walk, we fall, then get up and walk again.  We continue to fall, and fail, and fall again.  We celebrate our steps – small as they are – and continually become more steady. Eventually we run.  Somedays we fall again, but there’s always the option of getting up and moving forward.

During the remaining years of our lives we grow physically, emotionally and spiritually.  And you know which is the most important of all our growth?  Jesus says it’s our character.  Our bodies obviously grow and age, but our heart – our character – is the most precious of all.

Just like road construction, house construction, home remodels, detours and all those other annoyances of life, God uses our failures, our disappointments for our good.

I recently read the book Love Does by Bob Goff, who shares a beautiful statement on failure:

Failure is just part of the process, and it’s not just okay; it’s better than okay.  God doesn’t want failure to shut us down.  God didn’t make it a three-strikes-and-you’re-out sort of thing.  It’s more about how God helps us dust ourselves off so we can swing for the fences again.  And all of this without keeping a meticulous record of our screw-ups.

Seeming failures and disappointments really aren’t what they appear to be.  Just like a road under construction isn’t failure – it’s simply in the process of being improved.

…and I am certain that God, who began a good work in you, will carry it on to completion, until  it is finally finished on the day when Jesus Christ returns. 

Philippians 1:6

It’s good for me to remember that I am under construction every day.

We need to remember that our husbands are under construction.

Our children are under construction.

Actually, every person you meet – the clerk at Meijer, the stocker at Winco, that annoying neighbor – is under construction.  Somehow, I have more patience with others when I remember that we are all in process during this grand design of life.  No one is the finished product, no one has arrived.  We are simply in different stages of improvement.


Builders and construction workers always need to trust the architect in order to do their job well.  Without a blueprint and detailed instructions, no building or road can finish well.

Jesus is our supreme architect, let Him have his way in your life.  There are times when your circumstances will make no sense to you, but they don’t have to make sense because you are not the architect.

This summer I came upon three short sentences that have profoundly changed the way I see my surroundings and have given me a new perspective on disappointments.  I simply say them as a prayer:

What You will.

When You will.

How You will.

When I surrender my will to His I am free.  Free to love those He puts in my path, free to enjoy the scenery during the detour and free to trust that Jesus is doing a good work in me and all those around me.

Love, Mom

 

 

 

The Mystery of Rain

August 26, 2018 / / 0 Comments

Dear Daughters,

It’s been a rather dry summer here in Michigan.  Many farmers in the area do not own pivots or other irrigation equipment because rain is typically predictably present in the summer.  If Western Michigan doesn’t get rain for about three weeks we consider it a minor drought.  And so it has been – very little rain, very short corn and disappointing harvests.

A few nights ago we received a 2-inch rain for which many people rejoiced.  Most of us don’t even water our lawns here, so everything was looking a bit brown and dry.  But after the rain our world suddenly turned green and lush – which is what Michigan is used to.  I listened to it fall gently outside the window as I lay in bed last night.

The rain brought to mind an article I read a few years ago by John Piper about an interesting verse in the book of Job:

He performs wonders that cannot be fathomed, miracles that cannot be counted. 

 He bestows rain on the earth; He sends water upon the countryside.  Job 5:9-10

Rain?  Really?  I had never before considered that rain was a wonder and a miracle.

In the past I had experienced rain to be too much of a good thing.  Because I grew up in the much drier West,  rain – in my opinion –  often hindered planned activities like weddings, open houses, and picnics.

While living in Kansas we learned to measure rain not by inches or tenths, but by hundredths.  Most people dry farmed, so rain was the only moisture available for the crops and every hundredth was celebrated.

Anyway…have you ever considered rain to be a wonder and a miracle?  If not, read on……

Think of how it was in the Middle East thousands of years ago.  There were no irrigation pipes or pivots, plus the people were far from any lake or stream.  If the crops were to grow and the family to be fed, water would have to come from the sky.

So, how does water come out of the clear blue sky?  It would have to be carried from the Mediterranean Sea over several hundred miles, then be poured onto the field.  So how heavy is rain?  If one inch of rain falls over one square mile of farmland we are talking 206,300,160 gallons, which equates to 1,650,401,280 pounds of water (that’s over one billion pounds of water.)

Now how does more than 200 million gallons of water get up into the air to be transported?  Evaporation – when water quits being water for a while and rises up into clouds so it can come down as rain.

So it goes up, now how does it get down?  Condensation happens when the water starts becoming water again by gathering around little dust particles between .00001 and .0001 centimeters wide.  That’s really small.

Also, if you remember, the Mediterranean Sea is salt water, which would ruin the crops if it came down as salt rain.  So somehow the salt comes out of the evaporated water during that 300-mile journey where it gets dumped on the farm.

Now what would happen if a billion pounds of water just dumped onto the square mile farm?  All the wheat would be crushed and ruined.  So the rain comes down in tiny little droplets.  The drops need to be big enough not to evaporate as they fall the mile or so from the clouds, but small enough to keep from crushing the wheat.

Wow.

Now I understood why Job wrote that rain is a wonder and a miracle.

If our amazing God has made such a seemingly ordinary happening as rain to be a remarkable miracle, what love and creativity has he visited upon human beings – those He has fearfully and wonderfully fashioned in His image?  And if we as human beings are so complex and intricately created, how He must tenderly value relationships, marriage, and the keeping of vows between a man and a woman for life?

For several years I have been keeping a gratitude journal (thank you Ann Voskamp) but during the past few months I have neglected it.  As I pondered the wonder of rain, I pulled the journal out again to keep on recording those everyday miracles that happen every minute of the day.

The howling wind outside the window

The dazzling starry starry night as I take my walk down the darkened lane

The stunning beauty of candy stripe beets


The joy of being in Western Michigan for the summer

Moss on the rooftop

Visitors for afternoon tea

Sweet, sweet sleep

A sliver of a moon

The apple orchards across the street

Asparagus fields gone to seed

Ivy climbing up the trees

Lunch with my beautiful daughters

The indescribable patience of Jesus

Lovely hydrangeas

Mushrooms at the Pentwater Farm Market

Freshly mown hay

I have learned that if I don’t give thanks for the little things in my life, I will criticize.

If I don’t focus on what God has given, I will ponder upon what He has not given.

If I don’t go out every day and take a walk, searching for the beauty and wonder around me, I will find something to complain about.

Jim Elliot (the missionary who was murdered in Ecuador in 1956 at age 28) wrote with such wisdom:

A wife, if she is very generous, may allow that her husband lives up to perhaps eighty percent of her expectations.  There is always the other twenty percent that she would like to change, and she may chip away at it for the whole of their married life without reducing it by very much.  She may, on the other hand, simply decide to enjoy the eighty percent, and both of them will be happy.  Accept positively and actively, what is given.  Let thanksgiving be the habit of your life.

I encourage you, my daughters, to keep on giving thanks for the little things, the small everyday gifts in your life.  Lift your eyes to the beauty all around you, and consider the goodness of the Lord Jesus Christ and His immense compassion and artistry.  Give thanks, even in the hard to give thanks times, trusting that He will work out all things for your benefit.

And always give thanks for the rain.

Love, Mom


 

 

 

It’s So Hard

August 16, 2018 / / 2 Comments

Dear Daughters,

Joy.  It’s such a wonderful emotion when I have it, but at times it seems to be slippery and elusive in my life.  Just when I think I have joy it slips through my fingers and disappears.  It only takes a word, a phrase, a hurt look in someone’s eyes or a casual observation of people around me.

I’m sure you all know those sunny-side up people who seem to always have a smile on their face and a twinkle in their eyes.  I am not one of those.  I have to deliberately choose joy because it otherwise subtly turns into a vapor and vanishes.

The other day I was talking with a friend and lamenting that it’s so hard to choose joy because of how I feel physically.  For years I have struggled with chronic fatigue – some days are better than others – but it is too often a frustration to me. Then my friend wisely said,

Maybe it’s hard because you keep saying it’s hard.

Those words stopped me in my tracks.  Whaddya mean it’s hard because I say it’s hard?

Turns out that those words I stated as a fact – It’s so hard to choose joy – had taken me captive and were robbing my life of the joy I have been seeking.  It was hard because I said it was hard.

I think I learned this once or twice before, just like I’ve learned, forgotten and re-learned many other important things in my life.  Things like

Be grateful

Live this day as if it were your last

Love others as Jesus loves me

Search for beauty

Forgive those who hurt me

Because I have lots of time on my back, I had plenty of time to look up the song JOY! – performed by the group for King and Country that my above-mentioned JOY friend forwarded to me.  Since then I have probably watched it 10 times, enjoying the lyric video, then the Official Music Video, the behind the scenes video, again and again.  I need to get this message tattooed into my soul.

I am once again learning to say – It’s easy for me to choose joy. Yes, sometimes I almost choke on those words, but I open my mouth and say it anyway.  No matter what I feel like.

It’s easy for me to choose joy.


Being a teacher for decades, I have taught others some excellent ways to live:

Practice makes better -not perfect – but much better.

Joy is a choice.

Joy is God’s perspective on life.

Because my life is in His hands, I can trust him and get my eyes off myself.

There’s nothing wrong with hard

But you know what?  It’s a whole lot easier to teach this stuff than to do it myself.  I’m working on it but it’s definitely a work in progress.

I am so impressed by the Australian brother duo who call themselves for King and Country.  I had heard of them before but had never paid them much attention until this song stepped into my heart and took hold.  Then, as I often do when I learn about a new music group I research them, read their history and get to know them as if they are my friends.  I watched interviews, behind the scenes stuff…

Anyway, Luke and Joel Smallbone are the little brothers of Rebecca St. James, who is also an incredible singer/songwriter.  Those boys are gifted beyond measure.  Their creativity, humor, lyrics and music have propelled them quickly to become my – as well as many others’ – favorite singers.

So, if you haven’t already heard of this group, enjoy and be encouraged.  And above all, choose joy even when life is not happening according to your hopes and dreams.

Love, Mom

Boring Sunsets

July 24, 2018 / / 4 Comments

Dear Daughters,

Tonight we had a boring sunset.  Every night I peer out the window to see the palette of the evening.  Sometimes it’s simply blue and grey, other times there are combinations of orange, yellow, blue, maroon, red, purple, indigo, violet and countless other colors of the rainbow.  But tonight it was just hues of the blue sky, rather boring colors when contrasted with the other flaming, glorious, golden and sometimes stormy sunsets of previous evenings.

 

Of course, that got me thinking about what makes a gorgeous sunset.  The more clouds – the positioning, depth, and different layering of clouds, the mere timing and strategically placed clouds – the more beautiful sunset.  The less clouds, the more boring.

A few months ago Grandpa and I sat out in the garage and he gave me a brief lesson in the basic cloud forms.  The cirrus clouds deliver a thin web-like texture, the cumulus give a bit more depth and color, whereas the stratus are the most foreboding of all.  Yet, when all three are combined in different parts of the sky, the results can be stunning when the sun shines through them.

That, in turn, got me thinking about what makes our lives beautiful.  If I equate clouds with trials, hardships – all those things we try to run away from in life – then the more and various clouds equal the more beauty.  Now I know that’s definitely not what you wanted to hear today.  Nobody I know is asking for difficulties to come so they can become more beautiful, but we all know that hard times do have a way of finding their way into our lives.

When you girls were younger, I think we owned every Calvin and Hobbes book available. One of the saddest days of my early life was when I heard that Bill Watterson was retiring from writing the comic strip.  Bill believed his most creative years were finished and he didn’t want to decline into mediocrity.  I disagreed 100%.  I loved the humor, sarcasm, political savvy and insight of Watterson shown through the characters of Calvin, Hobbes and their family.

You may remember one thing Calvin’s father replied now and then – when Calvin was complaining of chores or asking why about tedious aspects of life – was that the chore or task was building character in Calvin, which would always bring a grimace to Calvin’s face.

Of course, what Calvin’s dad said is true.  Hard stuff in life does lead to the refining and building of our character.  Troubles that bring us to our knees help to ground off the rough edges of our personality, and if we allow it, trials cause us to become more patient, kind and caring.

I remember being decades younger and not having a lot of tolerance for other people’s weaknesses, grief or pain.  But after Uncle Steve took his life I remember feeling a broken heart – for the first time in my life.  I had heard other people talk about having broken hearts, but only when I experienced it did I grow in compassion for others’ grief.

I used to be afraid to talk to those who had lost a loved one to death and especially suicide, but now I felt a kinship with those people.  I was not scared of dealing with those emotions anymore simply because I didn’t have a choice but to deal with them.  Either deal with them or stuff them down and let them consume me from the inside out.

There’s a part of us that wants to hide our difficulties from others, pretending that all is well in our lives.  But when we become vulnerable and honest, allowing Jesus to come and walk with us, He will shine through those trials. He has a tendency to make the ugly beautiful.

Recently I read a story that was shared on a friend’s Facebook page.

The Cloak

One night a heartbroken friend had a dream that she was standing in front of Jesus. He handed her a cloak. As she looked at the cloak, she realized it was alive. She could see that its threads were strands of specific events from her life, some bright and beautiful, others wormy and grotesque. She looked at the ugly strands–abuse, betrayal, divorce, illness, grief–each reminding her of seasons of excruciating pain. Just as she tried to pull out the threads, she glanced at Jesus. He took the cloak, wrapped her in it, and looked at her with an expression of deep pleasure and delight, as if the cloak were the most beautiful tapestry ever woven. At that moment she realized that if she attempted to pluck out the ugly bits, the entire garment would unravel.

We have all suffered innumerable hurts, heartaches and devastating events, for no one is immune if we live on this planet. At times we may feel like we live in a never-ending dark tunnel.  We have a choice, however – a choice to allow Jesus to fight for us against the hard stuff or succumb to their power and live in fear and despair.

It’s often tempting to curse the clouds when they cover the sun.  I find myself thinking thoughts like:

This was not in my plans.

Why me?

 I don’t deserve this.

 I feel like God doesn’t even care, He’s just abandoned and forgotten me.

This happens to others, not to me…

 Yet, one thing we know for sure is that Jesus is walking with us in the trouble, deep in the clouds, through every storm.

Remember Joseph –  that 17-year old boy whose brothers threw him in a pit, then trafficked him to some travelers on their way to Egypt?  He later became a slave for an official whose wife lied about Joseph’s improprieties and had him thrown into prison.  Finally when he was 30 years old he was released and became Prime Minister of Egypt.

Amazingly, when he finally saw his brothers many years later – the same ones who sold him – he had the most amazing statement to them as they were shaking in their sandals after they found out his new status.  He said to them,

 You intended it for evil, but God intended it for good…

Hope reminds us that our best days are ahead, not behind us.  Surrender tomorrow to God – He’s already been there.  Caleb Kaltenbach

Love, Mom

Trust Him in your darkness

Let’s Dance

June 25, 2018 / / 0 Comments

Dear Daughters,

I used to dislike people who disagreed with me.  I would get upset when others, especially Dad, had a different opinion than mine.  I’d raise my voice, get a little (OK, maybe more than a little) emotional and sometimes was not a pleasant person.

Generally speaking, Dad and I have learned to work things out and have simply decided to agree to disagree on many topics.  But it has taken years to get to this point.

Earlier in our marriage, I perceived disagreement with another to be equated with dislike for the other.  I had not yet learned that people can be friends even if they have differing opinions.

It saddens me that our culture today has become known for our outrage against folks whose opinions are other than our own.  It seems that news is rarely objective anymore, but more of opinions and feelings than simply stating the facts.  It’s difficult to find people who can talk with others who disagree with them civilly, respectfully and thoughtfully.  As Ravi Zacharias writes:

How do you reach a generation that listens with its eyes and thinks with its feelings?

I’m all for expressing emotions – joyful or not so joyful.  But when our lives become completely about emotions, there’s a problem.  Too often I hear people expressing emotions, and those that make the headlines are almost exclusively negative emotions.

It seems that the trending emotion these days is outrage.  Because it can become so addictive it’s sometimes referred to as Outrage Porn.  People use their words as verbal flamethrowers. Every day we hear about someone blasting, slamming, fuming, shooting down, setting off furor, becoming livid, or simply offending another person or people group.

You can tune in to Right-leaning news and the world’s problems are all the fault of the Left.  And obviously the Left sees all the sins of the world lying at the feet of the Right.

Who wins when all the words and emotions fly?  Seemingly those with the biggest guns or the loudest mics.

For better or worse, communication methods are learned at home, in the family.  If the husband and wife don’t model gracious conversation skills how are children to learn?   So often we hear children parroting their parents or others of influence in the social media.  Sometimes those words are kind, other times they are harsh and belittling.

I will be the first to admit that I was not a good model for gracious disagreement when you girls were growing up.  If someone didn’t agree with me I often became harsh and judgmental.  I took a me versus them stance, becoming arrogant and annoying.

Our culture today is a mirror of how many families operate except on a much larger scale.  As those within families take a stance against those who don’t agree with them – mock, scorn and disdain them – so this is happening between ideological camps.

The author Alan Jacobs calls any people we don’t agree with, the Repugnant Cultural Other (RCO).   An RCO could be you or those who disagree with you, depending on your viewpoint.  For some the RCOs are Christians, for others they are Muslims, the Left, the Right, the refugee community or any other category in which we so quickly assign people.

Repugnant is an unusual word and I hadn’t heard it for a long time.  Its definition is: revolting, disgusting, repellent, foul, nasty, unacceptable, hostile – you get the idea.

An interesting observation that Jacobs makes is this:

People with different ideas are not repugnant monsters. 

They are persons who, given a slight tweak in circumstances, could be you.

Have you ever wondered what you would be like if you had been born in Iraq, Haiti, Nigeria or India?  I know that who I am and where I was born was decided by God, and neither you nor I can do anything about it.

So my question is

Who gave us the right to judge other human beings as repugnant, worthy of death, not worth our time, the scum of the earth? 

When we as children of God set ourselves up to label and condemn others we are doomed for disaster.  God says that all human beings are made in the image of God.  In practical terms this means every person is sacred.  Each person has been created by God for a reason and a purpose and He commands us to love them.

It is interesting that when Jesus walked this earth it was the RCOs who were attracted to him. The lepers, the prostitutes, the people who worked for the Romans, the people who were anti-Roman, the blue-collar workers, and the fearful-to-be-known as friends of Jesus.  Yet at the end of His life He became the Repugnant Cultural Other, repugnant enough to be killed.

What we so often forget is that Jesus calls us to walk as He walked.  To love as He loves.  In fact, he gave the most shocking command of all time.

Love your enemies and bless the ones who curse you; do what is beautiful to the one who hates you and pray for those who speak evil about you.

Our wisdom is seen in how we overlook offenses instead of rising up and lashing out, belittling or condemning those who have disagreed with or offended us.

Let’s start in our families, in our communities, in our daily interactions with others to listen, to discuss our differences in an arena of peace and acceptance.  Instead of taking up the boxing gloves, let’s exchange ideas as thinking human beings with commonality instead of simply attacking those who don’t agree with us.

A wise person once said:

Let’s Dance instead of Let’s Box.

Love, Mom

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Millennials #1

May 15, 2018 / / 2 Comments

Dear Daughters,

As you probably know, all of you are part of or just preceding the Millennial generation.  Many of those Millennials have gotten a bad rap – having also become known as Generation Me.  Apparently, a large number of children born roughly between the years 1980 and 2000 have shown themselves to live with a sense of entitlement and possess narcissistic tendencies.

A few weeks ago I read a blog by one of my favorite authors, John Eldredge.  He titled the blog

Five Agreements That Are Killing Millennials

I would simply like to share his views with you because I think they are honest and an excellent assessment of not only many Millennials but are infiltrating our culture at large.

John defines the word agreement as:

Ideas which have secured a deep agreement in your heart without you really stopping to consider the implications.

Now, let me say right away that I think these agreements stretch far beyond the Millennials, and have permeated every age group in our country.  I know some in this generation who pay no attention to these ideas, but they are agreements which have particularly taken root during the 80’s and have extended far beyond those years.

Agreement #1: Doubt is one of the Highest Virtues

The Millennials have many beautiful qualities, one of them is having an openness to the views and opinions of others.  There has become a strong defiance against authoritarianism, and with good reason.

Almost daily we are inundated with yet another exposé of some previously respected public figure who has deceived the public for years, perhaps decades.  Because of the intensity and increase of these allegations/proofs of wrongdoing, suspicion has become a mode of survival.  Who do we trust anymore?  Surely not the government, the banks, the university professors, the entertainment industry, the political or even the religious leaders.

Because of this, a blanket of doubt has descended.  Public opinion teaches us that no one is honest, suspicion reigns supreme and we dare not trust anyone, including God.  Many believe  we have become a post-truth generation, meaning that everyone becomes their own truth.  Because there seems to be no absolute Truth anywhere, we are free to create our own.

Relativism has become a moral requisite for some Millennials.  After years of hearing people say they believe one thing publicly then behave another way behind closed doors, it becomes difficult to believe anybody or anything.  Words lose their meaning, people lose credibility, confusion reigns, and we are left to ourselves finding and often times becoming our own truth.

But it’s important to think about where this relativism will lead if we allow it to become a central theme in our life.  If we decide to trust no one, and make ourselves the judge of right and wrong, our life will slowly become adrift and meaningless.

Grandpa has an antique sextant displayed in the den.  He bought it in Pentwater while visiting us many years ago in Michigan. At the time I thought it was quite an odd thing to buy and it didn’t interest me in the least.  But lately I have been reading a little about the sextant which was first used around 1730.  It’s a marine navigational system – the first GPS system for sailors – to be aimed at fixed objects such as the Sun or the North Star and measured against the horizon, thus telling a sailor how to get where he wants to go.  As it determines latitude and longitude, it’s a sort of sea compass – helping a mariner arrive at his destination.

I have been out on the ocean a few times in my life and I’ve always wondered how the captain finds his way back home again in the midst of all the waves, water and wind.

A few days ago I came upon this anonymous quote:

He who is enslaved to the compass has the freedom of the seas.

If the captain of a ship had not trusted the sextant he may have stayed adrift on the ocean for years, floundering and hoping that perhaps someday he might float ashore and arrive safely at home – but could never be sure. With enslavement to his compass, however, he is able to stay on course and be sure of where he is going.  When a compass is used, there is freedom.

Last summer Dad and I took the Lake Express Ferry across Lake Michigan – from Muskegon to Milwaukee.  It’s a wonderfully relaxing way to avoid driving through Chicago traffic and still easily get on the I-94 to go back West.

Because the ferry takes off so gently and slowly at the beginning I couldn’t even tell we were moving.  There was another large barge floating nearby and looking at it I was unable to know if we or the barge were moving.  Finally, I decided to look at a house in the harbor – something I knew would be fixed – and then I was certain we were the ones moving.

That’s how it is with doubt.  If we continue to gaze at shifting ideas and beliefs that are here today and gone tomorrow, our lives become fearful, full of uncertainty and anxiety.

Jesus understands our grief and doubt when we have experienced lies from many people we have trusted.  But he doesn’t want us to stay there.

You remember Thomas (nicknamed Doubting Thomas)?  He didn’t believe his friends when they told him they had seen the resurrected Jesus.  Thomas stated emphatically that he would not believe until he was able to touch Jesus’ scars and see them with his own eyes.  When Jesus showed up a week later, He was patient with Thomas, encouraging him to touch his wounds and believe for himself. But he also left him with the challenge,

Stop doubting and believe.

Doubt and questions are good for a season, but to live in constant doubt and mistrust is to flounder in confusion as a ship without a compass.   If we abandon belief we will find that faith, hope and love erode as well.

Jesus has promised us that we can have hope in Him and His Word as an anchor for our soul. Anchors are solid, holding us to a fixed place of belief.   He doesn’t want us to live in constant confusion, riding on the waves of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind.

I have dark days when doubts come to harass me because of what I see in the world, and I have to fight to believe that God is good and He loves me.   But I am in good company with King David, when in many of the Psalms, he is angry with God, questioning how He runs the universe.  Lament and struggling with God is actually  worship – it’s believing that He is listening to us, no matter where we are emotionally.  If we honestly cry out with our frustrations and heart-wrenching pain, He is pleased.  He wants us to be honest with him because it’s then that He draws near to us.

How long O God, will you forget me forever? 

How long will you hide your face from me? 

How long must I wrestle with my thoughts, and everyday have sorrow in my heart? ….

Psalm 13:1-2

If we’re honest, we’ve all felt that way at times.  David continues on with more lament and anger, but later he says:

But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation. 

I will sing to the Lord for he has been good to me.

Jesus encourages us to fight the good fight of faith because He is the same yesterday, today and forever and does not change like shifting shadows.  He is the anchor of our soul and our life depends on that fact.

Love, Mom

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Turtle on a Fencepost

April 26, 2018 / / 4 Comments

Dear Daughters,

I have never seen a turtle on a fencepost in real life, but you can imagine it didn’t get up there by itself.  Maybe it wasn’t even in favor of the idea.

I just finished the book Turtle on a Fencepost by June Rae Wood.  It’s a young teen’s book, and a beautiful story – complete with intergenerational characters, problems with friends, mourning, scuffles with family, physical disabilities, misunderstandings, pre-judging people and many other typical human struggles.

Back in the small farming era, most any farmer plowing with a tractor would pick up turtles and set them on fence posts, rather than smash them under their tires.  At the end of the day, it was usually the job of the farmer’s kids to walk the fences and put the turtles safely back down on the ground.

There were times, when one of the mean kids in the county would leave a turtle stranded on a post, laughing as the legs paddled through the air trying to find land – then walk away.

Delrita, the main character of Turtle on a Fencepost, had recently lost her parents in a car accident, was living with her uptight Aunt Queenie with painted-on eyebrows, Uncle Bert who donned a toupee, and her crotchety old WWII veteran Gramps.

In a sense, all those people living under the same roof were turtles, each on their own fencepost.  None of them had chosen the role they were living, and none understood the other.  But because they continued to do life together, trying to be family even when the feelings weren’t there, they learned to appreciate and eventually love each other.

There were reasons why Aunt Queenie was so rigid, why Gramps was always critical and never satisfied with anything or anyone.  Delrita had her own reasons for constantly lashing out at the people living in her household.  But when each person started to be honest and speak about their past, their griefs and their crushed dreams, they learned to look past the quirks and oddities of each other and embrace the abundance of good that eventually became apparent.

I became so thoroughly captivated with the book that I stayed up later than usual reading.  It wasn’t quite as riveting as John Grishom or Ted Dekker, but stories about human interactions and conflicts always grab my attention.

Then I got thinking about families – the annoyances we all have with each other at times, those rough edges we see especially when we live and work with people – and remembered the saying:

Be kind.  For everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about.

When I used to stop at a signal, waiting for the light to turn green, I would look at some of the picture perfect people sitting in cars around me and think that surely their lives were easy.  Surely they had a good job, a family without strife, friends that loved and appreciated them.

But after all these years of living and talking with many seemingly picture perfect people, I have found that there is no such thing.  We all sin in many ways, offend others without intending, and bristle when they annoy us.

Everyone is fighting a hard battle – but there are a lot of us fighting hard battles after losing a whole string of other battles.  Ann Voskamp

That’s exactly why Jesus tells us to be compassionate and forgive when people hurt us.  We know very little about what is going on in the hearts of others, but we do know that we all – without an exception –  suffer from the same human condition.  The condition that tempts us to judge, hold on to hurts, to think we are always right and the other is wrong.

It’s Jesus who works in us and others to become more like him.  We are all on different time lines, and if we simply remember what we were like many moons ago, perhaps we will have more grace with others.   It’s hard work to live that way, but as I have always told my students, and what I still constantly need to remind myself:

There’s nothing wrong with hard.

So…that’s the story about the turtle on the fencepost.  The analogy is beautiful and the lessons are many.  I pray that we all may be willing to help any stranded turtles we see so they can quit swimming in the air and be planted on firm ground.

Love, Mom

 

 

 

 

 

 

Wind

April 3, 2018 / / 2 Comments

Dear Daughters,

Last week I found Grandpa sitting on his chair with the garage door wide open, enjoying the Spring sunshine.  I asked how things were going.  He replied,

Good, I’m just watching the clouds.  Do you see those clouds?  The thin wispy ones are going much faster than the big cluster of cumulous clouds.  They must be in different wind currents and altitudes.

Being a pilot in his younger years, he has studied stuff like that. So I sat down in a chair nearby and we had a chat about clouds and wind.  Sure enough, when I took the time to sit, study and watch the clouds, I could see that  they were definitely moving at different speeds.  It was quite a fascinating conversation, and I learned a lot just listening to Grandpa and watching the clouds in the beautiful blue sky.

Over 25 years ago a vast enclosed ecosystem of 3.14 acres was built outside of Tuscon, Arizona.  In this ecosystem, given the name Biosphere 2, scientists set out to study Earth’s living systems in a controlled environment.  Trees grown in Biosphere 2 grew quickly, faster than their counterparts in the wild.  The scientists were mystified though, when the trees became thin and weak with underdeveloped root systems, many of them falling over before they reached maturity.  Finally it was discovered that one element always found in the wild had been forgotten and neglected in Biosphere 2:

Wind

When trees grow in the wild they are subject to strong winds which are necessary to develop stress wood, strong fibrous wood that enables the tree to become stronger and vastly improves the quality of life for the tree.  Without stress wood, a tree can grow quickly but not sustain the weight that accompanies the height.

Thousands of years ago – back in the book of Exodus – the Israelis were taking their 40 year journey through the wilderness and they deplored the difficulty of crossing the desert.  They grumbled and whined  that everything was too hard; they wanted to go back to slavery in Egypt because those were the ‘good old days.’

But the reason God led them through the desert the long hard way was because He wanted them to grow up and mature.  As you may remember, the Israelis  continually asked

Why God, why?

When God, when?

How God, how?

They wanted the answers to all those questions immediately  instead of simply trusting God to provide what and when He knew was best for them.  All God asked was that they trust and obey.  Even though they had free food from heaven every morning, water to drink,  shoes and clothes that never wore out – they wanted more.  They were never content, never grateful, always complaining.

How similar our stories sound today.  Your marriage right now may seem too difficult and you would like this business of loving your husband to be a whole lot easier.  You may wonder when and how your relationship will get better.  But you know what happens when life gets hard?  We find that we need God more, we learn that by ourselves we cannot love the way we should.

You have been hurt, offended and at times it seems that your husband might drive you crazy with all his annoying habits.  Yet through it all, Jesus is trying to get you to lean into Him, trust Him in all the mess, and ask for help in loving your man.

It’s a struggle, a fight not to complain, not fall into the bitterness mode, but it is not too hard because God’s strength is always available.  And the good thing in all this?  Through these difficult times in your marriage you are becoming stronger, more loving, more patient – if you choose to forgive, compromise and give up your right to always be right.  You are becoming the woman of God you are meant to be.

I love Paul’s reminder to us, a verse I have read many times, fighting to believe that God’s word is true.

And let us not lose heart and grow weary and faint in acting nobly and doing right, for in due time and at the appointed season we shall reap, if we do not give up.

Galatians 6:9

We will reap what we sow.  But we need to keep acting nobly and doing right – and not give up.

True character is always shown in adversity.  Anyone can be happy when things go their way, but the real test is seeing how we act when things are not going our way.  Are we still able to trust God and do good in spite of how we are feeling?  God wants us to be stable in all circumstances because it shows  we are trusting Him for our future.  Unfortunately, we can only learn trust through trials and difficulties –  when we know we cannot do life on our own – which for me is every single day.

A few years ago Dad and I went through a difficult time in our relationship.  Yes, even after decades of marriage they still happen.  Initially I wanted to shut down, blame him and walk away.  Then I remembered these letters I’m writing to you and figured I better take my own advice – forgive him, acknowledge my own sin and let it go.  I had to fight for it but after a time I was able to say,

Thank you, Lord, for allowing this to happen to us, and I thank you in advance for how you will use it to strengthen our relationship.

Let me tell you, those words didn’t come without tears and agony, but I did speak them out loud, and I thank God for the grace that enabled me to say them. Gratitude, not resentment, is the wisest response to these hard times.

Today was a typical Spring 40-mph windy day here in Idaho.  As I was walking down the lane I saw many trees leaning and blowing in the wind.  It’s a wonder that all the trees  don’t permanently  lean slightly to the East because of the amount of wind we receive, but they don’t.  They stand strong and straight  – just like we as people stand strong if we do not lose heart.  Even though it’s tough , continue to do good and don’t  let the winds of life knock you down.  Let them play their part in strengthening you,  getting stronger and stronger as you trust God to work in both you and your husband,.

Just as the clouds in the sky are in different altitudes and move at different speeds, so you too may move at a different speed from your man.  That’s OK.  Welcome the wind, embrace the wind.  Stand strong, be patient, and know that God is good.

Love, Mom

 

Girls Will Be Girls

March 20, 2018 / / 2 Comments

Dear Daughters,

My friend, Julie, told me a story of when she was just 18 and married less than a year.

Julie was working in a dentist’s office – the dentist was in his 50’s, rotund and jovial.  Julie herself is quite a jokester, and they bantered back and forth daily as they worked.  One day Mr. Dentist told Julie he was in need of some physical satisfaction because his wife was not interested in him that way anymore.  So, he had what he considered to be a great deal:  If Julie would be willing to help him out in this minor way she would receive a beautiful new car as a gift, signifying his deep appreciation.

Now that could be quite a tempting deal for a teenager.  Lay down for a while each week with this fun-loving guy and receive a new car.  Sounds like it could be a win-win situation.

Women have historically been used and abused by men.  They have been considered a commodity to be consumed instead of a human being to be valued and cherished.

In all the high and low-profile cases we have read surrounding the #metoo (I hear that some are wearying of the reports) women have been coerced to give their bodies to someone who promises a job, a role, a promotion, a new car or a future permanent relationship.  I’m sure the temptations are fierce, the promises sound solid and the decisions difficult.

But we always need to remember that we have choices,

a choice to say no

a choice to say yes

a choice to leave

a choice to value our bodies, knowing they are sacred – a gift given to us by God.

The nakedness of sex is far more than physical.  It involves every area of our life – our emotions, our spirit and our intellect.  The effects of physical interaction with another have long-lasting significance because they affect the deepest part of our persons.

When a man asks for such favors without a lifetime commitment, it’s obvious he is putting his own desires and agenda above all else.  He’s thinking about himself and the pleasure he seeks.  There is a reason God’s original creation of sex is meant to be within marriage, between a man and a woman for a lifetime.  And – as in all the commands He gives – it’s because he loves us and wants the best for us.  He wants us to avoid heartache, betrayal, regret and guilt.  Instead we are sometimes tempted to think:

I can’t trust the heart of God, I need to take control myself

I need to arrange for my own happiness

I don’t like God’s story for me, I want to rewrite the story my way

Our society is proficient in beguiling us to believe that now is the most important time.  We are encouraged not to think about the future (think of those tempting credit cards in your wallet) or the past – keeping busy and distracted every moment of every day.

We are not at all encouraged to consider the outcome of our choices.  A new car certainly sounds exciting and wonderful, but there is a price to pay.  Whenever we give our bodies to others we are forever connected to them in our memories.

When Julie was offered the new car in exchange for Mr. Dentist’s gratification, she immediately said No.  She had not grown up in an ideal home – her mother had died when Julie was only twelve, and because of that trauma her dad turned to alcohol for comfort, neglecting and abusing the children left behind.  Yet because her mother had taught her right from wrong before she died, Julie knew that what Mr. Dentist asked for was wrong.  She had made a promise to say yes to her husband, which meant saying no to all other men.

Now I understand sexual assault is in a completely different category from Mr. Dentist’s request, and that some women are not given a choice, but when we are….may we choose wisely.

Sadly the next young woman, who was hired after Julie left the dentist office, was driving a new car shortly after her employment began.

There is an old Spanish proverb:

He who loves one woman has loved them all.

He who loves many has loved none.

I pray that we and your daughters will know and always remember that our bodies have intrinsic value which God has bestowed upon us, knowing we are fearfully and wonderfully made – choosing to use our bodies to honor him.

Love, Mom

 

Strong Words

March 6, 2018 / / 0 Comments

Dear Daughters,

Daystar school in Chicago teaches the danger of using Strong Words.

One day at dinner in that same city I said, I hate jiggly fat on meat, when Allison promptly told me:

Hate is a strong word.

I was surprised and taken aback with her response, but I reluctantly agreed, then re-worded my sentence.  Ok, I really dislike jiggly fat on meat. 

I asked what other words were considered strong at their school.  The answer:

Always

Never

Later in bed that night I got thinking about strong words.  Many time I have used those words myself.  In times of anger I and others around me have said things like:

I hate grocery shopping

Do you always have to be so annoying?

We never do what I want to do

You never seem to care about me

I will never trust you again

I hate it when she does that

My life will never change

Since then I have become more aware of my words – not that I have become pristine in my language, but I am working at improvement.  Words like hate, always and never are quite final, absolute, with no exceptions allowed. They can harm others and are often said with irritation and annoyance when emotions run high.

Then a few years ago as I was reading the Bible I noticed a lot of strong words:

Always

All

Everything

Never

…and those words are scattered in many different verses.  The difference though is that they are usually positive words and used as all-inclusive commands and/or promises.  I’ll list a few of my favorites:

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28

Now if we really believed those words we would have no worry, no stress, no fear.  I, for one, tend to have amnesia when it comes to remembering that fact.  There are times I doubt those words, which obviously brings on stress and fear.

And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.  (Matthew 28:10)

Do you ever feel forgotten by God?  Somedays I feel like He is not at all with me, I feel lonely and overlooked, but again I must remind myself that this is only a feeling.  The truth is that He is with me always, whether I feel like it or not.

Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said,

Never will I leave you;

Never will I forsake you.  (Hebrews 13:5)

 Be strong and courageous.  Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you.  (Deuteronomy 31:6)

 Now those are strong beautiful words, words I can count on, believe in – and as an extra benefit, they bring peace into my life.

All those verses remind me about the character of God, the truth of who He is.  Some days I may not feel or remember these things to be true, but I know they are and they bring me great comfort.

Now because Jesus is who He says He is, and if we have invited Him into our life, he also has some strong words for us.

 Sing and make music in your heart to the Lord, always giving thanks to God the Father for everything in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.  Ephesians 5:19

As I have known for years, giving thanks and singing is not an option if I want to live a life pleasing to God and joyful for me.  Even though I know it in my head, my heart doesn’t always feel like singing or giving thanks.  But when I do, I notice that hope is renewed, trust is strengthened and I experience calm and serenity which previously had eluded me.

Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone. (Colossians 4:6)

 Now I love it when God promises that he is always with me, and never will leave.  But when he tells me to have conversations that are always filled with grace – I find it rather difficult.  How easy it is to let words that are judgmental, harsh and derogatory fly from my lips.  Why do we find it much more pleasant to listen to the promises of God’s faithfulness, but do not so much appreciate the fact that He expects certain ways of life from us?

In any and all circumstances I have learned the secret of being content…  Philippians 4:12

All circumstances??  Now that’s definitely a challenge.  It’s easy to be content when life is good, the sun is shining, the household is peaceful and others are agreeable with me.  But when politicians say and do things that offend me, when I’m unable to help Grandpa with his pain, when Dad and I don’t agree, when the muffler starts making embarrassing loud rumbles, when my body doesn’t do what I want it to do, when my computer doesn’t work properly, when there’s a mouse in the house – it’s more difficult to be content.

But there are also the follow up words,

I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength. Philippians 4:13

I find it interesting that this is the very next verse after learning to be content in all circumstances.  It sounds so simple and logical, yet as we all know is difficult in practice.  First of all to be content, then learning that I absolutely can do that because Christ gives me the strength to do it.

Enjoy all these strong words about God and his everlasting promises, but at the same time know that He is always there to help us live out the strong words He commands for us.

There is hope and help for us all.  I will continue to use strong words yet strive to use them at the right time and in the right place, and for something more important than jiggly meat fat.

Love, Mom

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

« Older posts Newer posts »

Recent Comments

Stories and Songs

Archives

© 2026 Branches and Trees

Theme by Anders Noren — Up ↑