Dear Daughters,
I love reading stories about people – especially autobiographies – because I believe that truth is stranger and often more interesting than fiction. Although you know I am a C S Lewis junkie, devoted to the Chronicles of Narnia, I almost equally love to read about other people’s real life adventures.
Anyway, I just finished Unashamed by Lecrae, a musician who happens to be a rapper. I have long enjoyed his music and have always been curious about his story, which has been just recently published. His memoir is vulnerable and honest. Few people would be willing to open the pages of their lives to the public like he has.
Although many may see the life of Lecrae simply as a Boy in the Hood to riches story, it is mostly about confession and a desire to love better. It’s his story about not fitting in anywhere – not in the hood where he grew up, not around the gangstas in his family, not in college, and not even in the music industry.
Growing up without a daddy, sexually abused at age 6 by his babysitter, physically abused by his mom’s boyfriends, he grew up in a culture encouraging hardness and machismo. So, of course, like anyone else with an experience of rejection, abandonment, insignificance and insecurity, he lived out what he had learned so well. Abuse begets abuse, violence creates more violence. He naturally became an instigator of many acts of anger and rage. Seeds were sown in him as a child and started bearing much fruit.
While in college, Lecrae faced the familiar frustrations of young adults who go away to a place with daring opportunities and like many others, abused his freedoms. Hoping that because he was physically distanced from his childhood neighborhoods, his emotional past would be left behind as well. But he soon learned that life’s early experiences don’t go away. They are like wounds, and just like wounds not treated, they simply grow and fester.
At college he was befriended by various Christians, causing him to be intrigued by their peace and joy – something he had never experienced. He invited Jesus into his life, but soon was caught back up again into the old life he had lived. It was certainly not a happily ever after relationship with God.
What amazed him, though, was that those same Christians reached out to him even when he went back to his old addictions and self-destructive ways of living.
Lecrae shines a light on the dark struggles of faith we’d rather keep hidden. Tottering between the temptations and memories of his old life and the periodic peace he would feel from his newfound faith, there was always someone who would challenge him back to Jesus, continue to encourage him in spite of his anger and inability to change on his own. For years, he continued slipping back into the mind-numbing drugs and alcohol he had depended on for so long.
Music, and specifically hip-hop, was obviously his gift – it had been the language of his entire life. As a young man, he found comfort in writing and rapping – trying to make sense of all the mess in his life. So he kept on rapping and writing with honesty, and little by little Lecrae experienced the grace of God. It was something he had heard about as a child from his Gramma (Big Momma), and finally found that it truly existed as God had promised, and it changed his heart completely.
Lecrae bravely started rapping about his failings, his struggles and his doubts. Because of his honesty and exposing his dark side, his music attracts others with the same stories. He gives people hope that their lives can be changed as well. There is absolutely no one who is outside of Jesus’ incredible reach of grace.
Even though Lecrae is a well-known name in the rap world, he still doesn’t quite fit anyone’s mold. He is now, just like he felt as a child:
An outsider.
A misfit.
An anomaly.
I think many of us, myself included, feel like an anomaly – human but distinct, not fitting in any specific mold, a follower of Christ but still not a cookie-cutter person. I think that’s how God means us to be. We are each unique, different skin color, different views, diverse backgrounds and cultures, different stories. But we all have the same need in our heart – in need of respect and healing, knowing that we are beloved of God and yet still terribly broken. As Lecrae recently said in a blog post:
Hang out with me long enough and I’ll let you down.
We are all at a different place on the continuum of life, and Lecrae’s story has reminded me to never ever write anyone off, as dark as their life may look at any particular point in time. God’s fingerprints cover all of our lives – our husband’s and children’s lives – and just like snowflakes they are unique, creative and distinct in each of our stories.
Before he goes on a concert stage he always gathers his team around to pray:
Father, allow us to use our gifts to paint an accurate picture of Your creativity and Your goodness tonight. Help us to stay out of the way of Your will being done. We want to play a role, but we don’t want to take the lead. We are extras in Your movie, but not the star of this show.
May we be humble.
May we be grateful.
May we be unashamed.
Amen.
Sounds like a good prayer for all of us to pray.
I don’t claim to understand God’s grace, it makes absolutely no sense to the rational, scientific human mind, but I know it’s true. Mostly because I have seen it at work in my life, Lecrae’s life, and yours.
Never give up and never let go of that priceless gift.
Love, Mom
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