Page 17 of 22

Major & Minor

January 1, 2016 / Shari Baar / 0 Comments

Dear Daughters,

As I am pondering the year that is almost complete, I started recalling all the Major as well as the Minor themes I have experienced during the year. As you know my favorite current author is John Eldredge, from whom I have borrowed the idea of Major and Minor themes.

Of course one of the Major themes of my year is God’s faithfulness and goodness. The sun came up every day, although we couldn’t always see it. One of life’s ultimate comforts is simply knowing that the sun is still shining above the clouds.

God gave strength for everything I needed to do – not all that I wanted to do – but enough for each day. He provided strength to wash both clothes and dishes, make meals, to answer many questions, find things that have been lost, picking hundreds of pounds of delicious garden produce, preserve many of those pounds, capture beauty in my camera, write in my gratitude journal, visit with relatives and friends.

Another major theme is that I have begun to sing again. For months I had only enough strength to do work that needed to be done. But now I am able to have enough energy to both play the piano and sing. It is such a joy to listen to Grandma play piano for a half hour every day, then take my turn to do the same.

Shortly after we moved to Idaho I asked God for a friend. We have many wonderful relatives in the area, but I asked for a friend close by. I was thinking of someone my age so we could have lots in common. Having moved many times in my life I have found that it is difficult to break into a community as a newcomer because many people already have their circle of friends, and circles don’t often easily open.

God surprised me and brought a friend who was also new to the area. Ruth, a young mother, her husband and 2-yearold son Jacob moved from Montana to live across the street from us a few months after we had moved in. Since then we have shared stories of our lives, recipes, laughter, hard as well as joyful times in our families, goods from our gardens, singing and playing piano together, and friendship.

A final Major theme is that of Dad and I learning to serve Grandma and Grandpa together. At the beginning of our time here we were not sure of our specific roles, but as we prayed together for wisdom and walked through each day, we learned how to help but not overstep our boundaries. Yes, there have been misunderstandings, disagreements, and times of forgiveness, but we are becoming comfortable with our roles and have learned to be grateful for one another and the work that is divided between us.

Of course there are the Minor themes that always come along in life as well, whether we invite them or not. One Minor theme is the continued chronic insomnia that I have experienced for the past 15 years. There were some days, after having several 4 and 5 hour nights, that I simply asked God to take me home if He would not grant me the sleep that I so desperately needed. I had sought help from many, but no one had answers. In the midst of the darkness of those days and verbalizing my anguish to Dad, he would simply sit and listen at my bedside as I cried. Because my cries and laments were shared, I was able to go on for yet one more day.

Then I founded someone in our little town who has given me hope once again. I have had many 8 hour nights, and actually can’t remember the last time I slept only 4 hours. Zed has found what we think is the root of the problem and I am slowly getting stronger day by day. Maybe…..soon I will have more endurance and energy.

Dying to self is certainly a Minor theme, but so necessary in our growth as Christ followers. When we moved to Idaho I thought I had died to myself, but God shows me new ways every day as we care for Grandpa and Grandma, how to continually find joy in serving and caring in many small ways, but that enrich all of our lives.

Another Minor theme, mixed with a Major has been talking to you, my daughters, about your dreams, your hopes, your disappointments and your sorrows. All of us have had struggles in our marriages this year. Things will be well for a time, and then just like the proverbial layers of onion, another weakness shows up which needs to be dealt with. The Enemy is always out to find our weaknesses and divide us from our husbands, to see the worst in them – and some days that is not at all difficult.

But throughout the fight for love, God has caused each one of you to grow stronger. Stronger in love, forgiveness, searching hard for beauty, learning to cast your cares and worries on Jesus. I can see your splendor growing and the amazing grace that you have received from God and have graciously given to your families.

I encourage you to look back for the Major and Minor themes in your own lives this year. I think there will be many in each category. Be still and thank God for both themes, knowing that He is walking with you every day. We have prayed for one another and will continue to do so. In that I rejoice.

Love, Mom

I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth. 3 John 4

Joy

December 23, 2015 / Shari Baar / 2 Comments

Dear Daughters,

Last night we hosted a sing-along at our home. We invited people to simply come and join us in sharing some Christmas music. We had local friends, dark-skinned and light, with their guitar and ukulele, a few relatives, our neighbors down the lane – about 20 in all – a good variety of old friends and new. Grandma and I have been practicing for weeks our Christmas songs on the piano. Sometimes Grandma morphs from Go, Tell it On the Mountain into Jesus Loves the Little Children; other times she plays the verse of one song flowing seamlessly into the chorus of another, but most of the time is able to end on the same song she started.

There were no gifts given except that of sharing music together. After we caroled many Christmas songs, Susan and her friends taught us a new song:

Nothing behind, nothing before, the steps of faith,

Fall on the seeming void, and find The Rock beneath.

We listened to our friends sing the song then joined along with them. After that we sang it as a 3-part round. It was beautiful as we all sang our parts, hearing the lovely harmony weaving in and out. Next Susan asked us if we had any stories of our walks of faith that we were willing to share with the group. We heard some stories of people coming to Idaho from New York, New Zealand, Michigan, California, Arizona, the Netherlands – all of us stepping out in faith, going where God had called us to go. All of us had journeyed many miles, sometimes not knowing what lay before us, but simply being obedient to God’s call on our lives.

I knew the stories of many of these people and the suffering they have endured. Yet here we were, singing with joy on our faces and in our hearts, thankful for our Savior Jesus Christ and the Rock he has been in all of our lives.

It’s interesting that the people who have been through hard things in life often seem to be the most joyful. I had heard the quote by Richard Nixon:

Only if you have been in the deepest valley, can you ever know how magnificent it is to be on the highest mountain,

and I have found that it’s true. Of course you have to pin that beast of bitterness and ingratitude to the floor, give thanks and fight for joy, it doesn’t just fall on you. There are those who have suffered and choose to stay in that prison of bondage. But the good news that Jesus brought to us thousands of years ago is that there is freedom – freedom from hurt, abuse, neglect, and broken hearts.

My friend, Marcia, posted the following prayer a while back and I think it’s profoundly beautiful. It’s not your typical prayer of blessing, but a prayer that comes from knowing real blessings can only come through hardship, adversity and the perseverance that results.

I pray this prayer for each of you, my daughters, because I know this is a prayer that God will answer in a most creative way for each of you. I am certain He will answer in His exquisite wisdom and timing.

A Franciscan Benediction

May God bless us with discomfort

At easy answers, half-truths, and superficial relationships

So that we may live from deep within our hearts.

May God bless us with anger

At injustice, oppression, and exploitation of God’s creations

So that we may work for justice, freedom, and peace.

May God bless us with tears

To shed for those who suffer pain, rejection, hunger, and war,

So that we may reach out our hands to comfort them and

To turn their pain into joy.

And may God bless us with just enough foolishness

To believe that we can make a difference in the world,

So that we can do what others claim cannot be done:

To bring justice and kindness to all our children and all our neighbors who are poor.

Amen.

Even though we will be far from all of you this Christmas, you are closer than ever in my heart, mind and soul. I will miss you and your families greatly, but know that God will bless you now and in the years to come…until we meet again.

Love, Mom

Family Trees

December 10, 2015 / Shari Baar / 2 Comments

Dear Daughters,

As you know, we have relatives of whom we are proud and those we would rather keep hidden. Amazingly, Jesus had the same type of family tree except that he wasn’t ashamed of them. I find it fascinating that before the birth of Jesus is ever mentioned in the book of Matthew, we find a rather lengthy, boring to most, genealogy. God’s history with His people has always been one of openness. There have never been any secrets with Him

In a classic Jewish genealogy women were not included, they were not deemed important enough. Remarkably in Jesus’ there were four women included. Not your good, upright and noble women, but women of shame. He was not consumed with the purity of His pedigree, but in the extreme value of every person on that list. There was Tamar, who disguised herself as a prostitute to trick her father-in-law into sleeping with her as a way of seeking justice from him, Rahab a prostitute from Jericho, Ruth, a foreigner, and Mary with an unplanned pregnancy.

In Jesus’ lifetime a person’s genealogy was similar to our resumes today. It gave a person validation, credentials. As in any resume, we all tend to expand on our best accomplishments and omit our worst failures. The ancients would typically feature ancestors who would hold them in high esteem, but leave out those of whom they were ashamed. Herod the Great, a King of long ago, destroyed his genealogy because he found it too embarrassing. But Jesus included these women in His because in God’s eyes there are no little people, no one who is below the grace of God, no one of whom to be ashamed.

Today I was looking through the homemade book My Life written by your great-grandma Vandermeer. It is a weighty book of genealogy that she spent decades compiling. The cover is thick heavy leather which she personally handcrafted. I still remember all her leather tools in a wooden box, watching her design the intricate artwork.

I must admit that it was both interesting and embarrassing to read a bit of my heritage. In our long ago family there were pioneers who came to the West in wagon trains, a prince, a woman who poisoned her husband at lunch, a poet, alcoholics, a missionary, a Singer Sewing Machine salesman, those who committed suicide – basically the typical menagerie that every family inherits.

The coming of Christ was right through families of messed-up monarchs and battling brothers, through affairs and adultery and more than a feud or two, through skeletons in closets and cheaters at tables. It was in that time of prophets and kings, the time of Mary and Joseph, that men were in genealogies and women were invisible. But for Jesus, women had names and stories and lives that mattered.

~ Ann Voskamp

The family tree of Jesus includes women who felt like outsiders, women who had been hopeless, who felt invisible and forgotten, women who had been close to giving up on life, those who were unappreciated and dismissed. You know of anyone who’s ever felt like that?

I remember when I was 16 and first driving by myself, wondering if cars would see me because I often felt invisible. At times I would be amazed that people would wait for me to make a turn before they drove on. I know that sounds silly, but that was a time in my life that I did not feel important or even visible. I imagine the fact that I was tall, skinny and awkward, plenty of zits, braces and shy had something to do with it.

The centuries seem not to have changed much for women. Today many of us feel the same, our society lauding women more for their bodies and outward beauty than their hearts and those deep desires within.

Last month Christie Hefner was honored by the YWCA with the outstanding leader Trailblazer’s Award. Somehow I found it interesting that she would receive such a prestigious award when most of her life has been promoting the beauty of other women’s naked bodies, seemingly not so concerned with the value of the hopes and dreams of their hearts.

Jesus attracted prostitutes, but not to use them. He saw their longing to be known and loved for who they were, not for what they looked like. He valued them, gave them hope, forgiveness and a restored life.

Tamar and Rahab had both been used by men over many years. Tamar, who had been lied to and tricked by her father-in-law decided to take justice in her own hands and was able to convict him for his wrong. Rahab, living in a godless place with a godless past, believed in the God of the Jews around her and eventually became the Great-grandmother of the great King David.

Other women mentioned in Jesus’ lineage were humble women, those who lived their lives doing the tedious things. In the middle of this boring genealogy we have wonderful stories of God’s grace breaking into shamed women. Ruth, a woman whose husband had died, decided to help out her mother-in-law, who had also lost her husband. She gleaned in the fields of wheat and was noticed by the richest guy in town, who just happened to marry her. She became King David’s grandmother.

Mary, the mother of Jesus was also considered boring by today’s standards, doing the humble things in life that a typical Jewish teenager did – cook meals, wash the laundry, care for younger children, clean house – until the day an angel came to her, saying that she would become the mother of the Messiah. Now this sounds quite exciting until you think of what the village people might have said. “Sure, the Holy Spirit made you pregnant? Really? You think we’re going to believe that, you whore. You know what happens to girls who get pregnant when they’re not married.” Mary was shamed, her life totally disrupted as she was going about her predictable life.

God disrupts our lives as well. We may have a plan, but God’s is usually different – and always better. We all play an important part of a much larger story. Tamar, Ruth, Rahab, and Mary were all outcasts at one time or another, rejected, ridiculed, used, and seemingly forgotten. But God in His amazing mercy brought each of these women into an important part of His Story. He is a specialist at rewarding the humble, raising up the rejected.

Jesus is delighted when each of us does our job faithfully, carefully and humbly. Every repetitive task we perform with gratitude to God is accepted as an offering, an honoring of our Savior. Every diaper we change, each question we answer with kindness, the clients we treat with respect, each meal we prepare, every word of encouragement we speak reflects the love of Jesus.

When we love our husbands, God is pleased. When we forgive and persevere when we would rather leave, God is pleased. He loves faithfulness and will reward it in His time. When we read all the stories of how God loves women, we know that His love for us is the same. Our small stories of humble lives are being worked into His grand story and one day we shall see the whole story and marvel.

Lean on Him. Trust Him.

Love, Mom

The Wonder of Rain

November 23, 2015 / Shari Baar / 0 Comments

Dear Daughters,

Last week it rained for 3 days straight…a rarity in Idaho. We live in what is called high desert which translates to about 11 inches of rain per year. During this three-day rainy season we received 1.75 inches and many people were rejoicing because it meant several feet of snow in the surrounding mountains which means more melt in the springtime to fill the reservoirs and aquafers. Can you tell I’m a farmer’s daughter and not a skier?

The gently falling rain brought to mind an article I had read a few years ago by John Piper about an interesting verse in Job:

He performs wonders that cannot be fathomed, miracles that cannot be counted.

He bestows rain on the earth; He sends water upon the countryside. Job 5:9-10

Rain? Really? I had never before considered that rain was a wonder and a miracle.

In the past I had experienced rain, especially when we lived in Michigan, to be too much of a good thing. Because I grew up in the much drier West, it was wonderful not having to water the lawn in the summer time, but rain often hindered planned activities like weddings, open houses, and picnics.

While we lived in Kansas we learned to measure rain not by inches or tenths, but by hundredths. Most people dry farmed there so rain was the only moisture available for the crops and every hundredth was celebrated.

Anyway…have you ever considered rain to be a wonder and a miracle? If not, read on……

Think of how it was in the time of Job in the Middle East. There were no irrigation pipes or pivots, plus the people were far from any lake or stream. If the crops were to grow and the family to be fed, water would have to come from the sky.

So, how does water come out of the clear blue sky? It would have to be carried from the Mediterranean Sea over several hundred miles and be poured onto the field. So how heavy is rain? If one inch of rain falls over one square mile of farmland we are talking 206,300,160 gallons, which equates to 1,650,401,280 pounds of water (that’s over one billion pounds of water.)

Now how does more than 200 million gallons of water get up into the air to be transported? Evaporation – when water quits being water for a while and rises up into clouds so it can come down as rain.

So it goes up, now how does it get down? Condensation happens when the water starts becoming water again by gathering around little dust particles between .00001 and .0001 centimeters wide. That’s really small.

Also, if you remember, the Mediterranean Sea is salt water, which would ruin the crops if it came down as salt rain. So somehow the salt comes out of the evaporated water during that 300 mile journey where it gets dumped on the farm.

Now what would happen if a billion pounds of water just dumped onto the square mile farm? All the wheat would be crushed and ruined. So the rain comes down in tiny droplets. The drops need to be big enough not to evaporate as they fall the mile or so from the clouds, but small enough to keep from crushing the wheat.

Wow.

Now I understood why Job wrote that rain is a wonder and a miracle.

If our amazing God has made such a seemingly ordinary happening as rain to be an amazing miracle, what love and creativity has he visited upon human beings – those He has fearfully and wonderfully fashioned in His image? And if we as human beings are so complex and intricately created, how He must tenderly value marriage, relationships and the keeping of vows between a man and a woman for life?

For several years I have been keeping a gratitude journal (thank you Ann Voskamp) but in the past few months I have neglected it. As Thanksgiving season is coming around and I pondered the wonder of rain, I pulled the journal out again to keep on recording those everyday miracles that happen every minute of the day.

The howling wind outside the window

The dazzling starry night as I take my walk down the darkened lane

The aroma of dehydrating tomatoes

The delight of chatting with my neighbor Ruth, and her precious son, Jacob

Visitors for afternoon tea

The playful antics of our kitten

Sweet, sweet sleep

A sliver of a moon

Jacob bringing me flowers from his garden

Piano students, even when they haven’t practiced

The indescribable longsuffering of Jesus

A beautiful rose

Freshly mown hay

I have learned that if I don’t give thanks for the little things in my life, I will criticize.

If I don’t focus on what God has given, I will ponder upon what He has not given.

If I don’t go out every day and take a walk, searching for the beauty and wonder around me, I will find my husband deficient, and my stay at home job mundane.

Jim Elliot (the missionary who was killed in Ecuador in 1956 at age 28) wrote with such wisdom:

A wife, if she is very generous, may allow that her husband lives up to perhaps eighty percent of her expectations. There is always the other twenty percent that she would like to change, and she may chip away at it for the whole of their married life without reducing it by very much. She may, on the other hand, simply decide to enjoy the eighty percent, and both of them will be happy. Accept positively and actively, what is given. Let thanksgiving be the habit of your life.

I encourage you, my daughters, to keep on giving thanks for the little things, the minute everyday gifts in your life. Lift your eyes to the beauty all around you, and consider the goodness of the Lord Jesus Christ and His immense compassion and artistry. Give thanks, even in the hard to give thanks times, trusting that He will work out all things for your benefit.

Love, Mom

Pruning

November 10, 2015 / Shari Baar / 0 Comments

Dear Daughters,

When Dad and I arrived in Idaho last November, Grandpa’s garden plot was empty, the rose bushes covered with burlap bags. All the trees, raspberry, blackberry and grape vines were pruned and looked like nothing but dead stumps.

The garden reflected my heart. Our third move in six years, I was weary, weak, lonely and sad. We had just said good-bye to all of you a few weeks earlier, tears shed, gifts given, farewells still echoing in my mind. It was not my choice to leave Michigan, which had been home for more than 20 years, but we are not always given a choice in life.

I felt like a burned up, chopped off stump.

During those two decades in Michigan, God’s hand had led us from place to place, and at each home we had made friends, discovering more and more the wonder of people and the grace of God.

I had given thanks, often with tears, simply because I know that Jesus is honored by gratitude – especially when it seems there is little to be grateful for. As Saint John of Avila wrote over 500 years ago:

One act of thanksgiving , when things go wrong with us,

is worth a thousand thanks when things are agreeable to our inclinations.

So I reluctantly gave thanks as we drove the 1600 miles west, not feeling especially thankful, but simply as an exercise in trust. Trusting that God had not made an error and now this was Plan B, but knowing that Idaho is where he wanted us for the next chapter of our lives, we had accepted the invitation to come and care for Grandpa and Grandma as their bodies and minds were becoming frail.

Spring finally came to the garden, green shoots pushing up through the dark soil. Tulips appeared, leaves started growing on the trailing grapevines, life came to this previously desolate, barren garden. As Dad and I slowly learned our roles in caretaking, I started coming to life as well. During these past 12 months of living in Idaho I have found joy in serving – no, not every minute of the day – but there is a quiet peace of knowing that I am in the center of God’s will.

Jesus gave his disciples a lesson in pruning the night before he was killed. He said that we are all going to be pruned. The reason for the pruning is that he wants us to bear more fruit, just like a gardener wants the most fruit possible from his trees and vines.

The only way a gardener can get lots of good fruit is to prune his garden. Pruning seems heartless, uncaring, even brutal when you watch him lop off all those beautiful branches and vines. But it’s really the most loving, compassionate act he can do for his plants.

As Jesus told his disciples in John 15:

I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful.

Basically you will be pruned if you are not bearing fruit and you’ll be pruned if you are bearing fruit. So, I guess we should simply expect to be pruned. It hurts, it is not pleasant at the time, and it’s certainly not something that we ever ask for. But the results of pruning are so beautiful – lots and lots of scrumptious, delicious fruit.

And what is this fruit He talks about? It’s the fruit of the Holy Spirit that is spoken of in Galatians: Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.

I know that I need to mature in each of those character traits, and of course the only way we can grow is by being pruned – going through difficult times. It certainly doesn’t happen when everything is going our way.

Right now you may be looking at the fence line of your life, feeling branches being hacked off, battered by circumstances in your life, feeling anger toward God for what is happening. Maybe your husband isn’t doing what you would like him to do (or not to do). Your job may be frustrating and constricting to you. Perhaps your body isn’t working as well as you’d like. Friends may have abandoned you when you needed them the most. Your children are not always loving and respectful to you.

I know I’ve said it many times before, but God truly loves you and is tending your life, leading you into the path He wants you to go. He is the Master Gardener, the true lover of your heart and his goal is to make you beautiful.

Last week Dad and I were at Mesa Falls, an hour south of Yellowstone Park. It is a magnificent waterfall, carved into the lava over thousands of years, and now simply breathtaking to observe. Near the scenic viewing area stands a brief history of the falls along with this quote:

The beauty of Mesa Falls was born of a tumultuous past.

When I read that statement I thought, That’s how people become beautiful as well. We, as well as the splendor in God’s creation, only become beautiful when we have had a difficult past and have come through it, stronger, braver, more compassionate and loving. If we trust Jesus during the pruning times in our lives, knowing He is the Master Gardener, we can learn to be grateful and patiently wait for His good work to be done in us.

When you are in a dark winter place, it seems sometimes as though you are forgotten, unloved and overlooked; but it simply isn’t true. Keep on persevering in your marriage, your friendships, and your children, and you will bear fruit – lots of good fruit.

I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. – Jesus

Love, Mom

Snake River Float

October 26, 2015 / Shari Baar / 0 Comments

Dear Daughters,

Advertised as a Class 3 float trip with plenty of whitewater action and beautiful scenery, it was a gorgeous September day on the Snake River. Ninety degrees and a blue sky speckled with clouds was beyond anything Dad and I could have asked.

Packing our lunches in waterproof bags, we filled our water bottles and drove the five minutes to the launch spot.

We listened to our licensed, professional guide, Mike, explain all the safety procedures should one of us be thrown into the river during the 10-mile trip. Nervously I asked if it was often that people were tossed into the rapids. Mike replied that they had employed one guide who dumped out adventurers quite consistently but she lost her job when it became a noticeable pattern. He assured us that his record was much better and if we all paddled together the excursion should be quite enjoyable yet exciting.

Mike was in the back acting as our rudder and the eight passengers were instructed to Forward row, Back row or Rest, according to the orders he gave us. Simple enough.

As we pushed off, the river was calm and Mike took us to a spot where he was certain we could spot a sturgeon prowling the waters. After several minutes of peering into dark water the four-foot sturgeon finally appeared to entertain us with his graceful roaming.

Then our first rapid appeared. FORWARD ROW!, Mike shouted, and we all started rowing, clumsily clanking each other’s paddles. Even though we were less than stellar rowers we were through that rapid in about ten seconds

It was time to relax with some calm water and enjoy the osprey and blue heron gracefully standing on the sides of the river. Mike also pointed out the blackberry bushes, of which we stopped and sampled, as well as poison ivy, which we did not.

As we were remarking about the rugged beauty, amid the pillow lava, Mike told us that one of his floaters a few weeks earlier asked if he and the other guides went out to place the rocks and bushes so beautifully on the sides of the river. He chuckled as he told the story, wondering how anyone could consider asking a question like that.

There were a few more minor rapids and we as a team continued to improve on our rowing, not jangling our paddles quite so much.

Then appeared the largest rapid of all. My heart started racing and fear riveted as I looked ahead, seeing the whitewater of the river looming ahead of us. I detected that the water close to the beach was much calmer, but no, Mike headed for the center of the river where the roughest water was churning.

FORWARD ROW! Yelled Mike. Down into the first wave we plummeted and our entire crew was drenched with 58 degree water. KEEP ROWING! He yelled. Sure, I thought. Keep rowing as I’m falling into Dad’s lap and onto the top of the guy in front of me. I was exhilarated that I had held onto my oar and was not floating in the river. I was not going to be paddling for a while.

Amazingly we all stayed in the raft and navigated that rapid quite well. Just when my heart had quieted and we were on calm water again Mike said: That was so much fun let’s do it again!

Thankfully I was able to keep my mouth shut, but in my mind I was shouting: Are you kidding me already? We barely survived that one, I have a good memory and I don’t need to do it again. But FORWARD ROW! was the command and Mike turned around and steered us back into that same rapid, again directly into the center and most violent part.

Of course the story was repeated again. Once more we got through with everyone intact and thoroughly soaked. But you know what? The second time through it was not as scary and I was actually able to keep on rowing part of the time and not fall onto the people around me.

Shortly after we were able to see the only Frank Lloyd Wright designed home in all of Idaho. Hidden completely from the roadside, it was somewhat visible from the river.

After a few more drenching rapids, our crew became more unified and there were less and less clanking oars as we learned to work together and concentrate on obeying and trusting our guide. I viewed every rapid from then on as a challenge to keep rowing and stay in my seat.

Eventually we came to the end of the journey, and at the take-out said good-bye to our new found friends. After we got home Dad and I chatted about the joy and beauty of the trip. He had gone on the same excursion back in April by himself because I was not so brave. But the shared adventure of the outing made it much sweeter as we relived together the delight and challenge of the trip.

After the excursion I reminisced about the times we were plunging into the various rapids and thought about life and how, if I had a choice, would always stay close to shore where the calmer water lay. But God has seen fit to bring Dad and I, as well as all of you, through turbulent rapids – times when we have had to hold on for dear life, continually trusting our leader and guide, Jesus Christ.

At times it has seemed as if our lives would capsize and we would go under, never to come up again. But here we are, still in the land of the living, and growing stronger day by day. He knows what is best for us, and walks us through those difficult times, as we are able to grow up and become more like Him.

When things get rough, that’s precisely when we grow in faith.

One of my favorite verses for when I am going through rejection, chronic illness, fear of the future and loneliness is Isaiah 41:10:

So, do not fear, for I am with you;

Do not look around you in terror and be dismayed, for I am your God.

I will strengthen and harden you to difficulties,

Yes, I will hold you up and retain you with My victorious right hand of rightness and justice.

Hold tightly to your leader and your guide. Jesus will never let you go. He loves you dearly, my precious children.

Love, Mom

Dementia, Deafness and DMV

October 6, 2015 / Shari Baar / 0 Comments

Dear Daughters,

One morning last week I woke up and walked sleepily into the den on my way to the kitchen. It always takes me a while to adjust to the bright sun and the new day. I like quiet and peace in the morning – and a cup of tea.

As I walked through the den, Grandpa was reading the morning paper and I said Good Morning just like I always do. He saw me coming and his first sentence was one of panic. I CAN’T HEAR A THING! MY EAR WENT BONKERS! ALL OF A SUDDEN EVERYTHING JUST WENT BLANK!!! I’M GOING TO BE DEAF JUST LIKE MY MOTHER!

Whoa, hold on, I’m not quite ready for all this so early in the morning.

I vaguely remembered this happening one other time and it was because wax somehow suddenly dropped into his ear canal (he only has one working ear) and plugged everything. Producing a plethora of ear wax is a gift that Grandpa has been given, for better or worse.

I called his ear doctor and the friendly receptionist found an appointment for him that same day. I think she noted the urgency in my voice.

Since we left plenty early and a car wash was on the way, we decided to stop in. As we were driving up Grandma thought it said Ear Wash, so she and I started discussing how handy it would be to drive through with Grandpa’s window down and get his ear cleaned at the same time, saving a trip to the ear doctor. We decided against it.

We had another short errand to do while we were in town – a trip to the Department of Motor Vehicles to get a registration for the new ATV that Grandpa had just purchased.

As we were walking into the building we had the following conversation:

Grandma: Why are we here?

Me: To get a registration for the new ATV.

Grandma: I didn’t know we got a new one. Where was I?

Me: At home. DAD, LET’S GO IN THIS LINE.

Over here, Mom.

OK, DAD, YOU NEED TO SIGN RIGHT HERE BY THE X

Grandpa: SIGN WHERE?? (Since he has a serious tremor he had his signature stamp that he uses for official documents)

Grandma: Why are we here?

Me: To get a registration for the new ATV.

Grandma: I didn’t know we got a new one. Where was I?

Me: At home. OK DAD, IT WILL COST 8 DOLLARS

Grandpa: HOW MUCH?

Me: (shouting directly in his ear) EIGHT DOLLARS.

Grandma: Why are we here?

Me: To get a registration for the ATV.

Grandma: I didn’t know we got one. Where was I? Are we going to be late for the Doctor? Do you know how to get there?

Me: No, we’ll be early. Yes, I’ve been there many times before.

Grandpa: I’M SURE GLAD THEY HAVE CHAIRS IN HERE SO I CAN SIT DOWN.

Me: Yup.

The friendly DMV guy: I wish I had a cool signature stamp like that, my writing is horrible.

Grandpa: I’M SURE GLAD WE DIDN’T HAVE TO WAIT IN LINE, WE CAME AT JUST THE RIGHT TIME.

Me: Yes, it was wonderful, no wait at all.

Grandma: (as we were on our way out) Why did we come here?

Me: Sigh…..

Every day is an adventure in our household. Living with Grandma who struggles with dementia and macular degeneration and Grandpa who finds it difficult to walk and hear, there are never ending conversations of repetitions and descriptions. Dad and I spend much of our time in laughter, some in tears, other times we simply sit together in silence, lamenting the frailties that come with advancing years.

Just this morning, we were making apple sauce from some of the beautiful Granny Smiths we had picked earlier in the week from Grandpa’s trees. Grandma and I were chatting as we used the nifty peeler/corer that makes our work much easier. Grandma asked where I had learned to use the machine so I mentioned that she had taught me many years ago when I was living at home. She looked at me quizzically and said I think you have me confused with someone else. I’ve never seen this thing in my life.

It still hurts not to be known by my own mother. To her I am the cook, the one who put those pills in the little dishes every night, the picker of garden fruits and vegetables, the one who helps to wash, dry and sort clothes, the lady who gets tea for her in the afternoon and encourages her to play piano every morning.

Even though Dad and I have been living here for almost a year, Grandma will ask if I’m spending the night or do I need to go home and take care of my family.

I feel like she is my little girl and I have become her mother. Much of the time I do my work with joy even though she doesn’t realize who I am. Other times I ache, missing the bond and memories we used to share as mother and daughter.

I weep for what has been lost, disappointed when I realize that she will not get better.

At other times I rejoice for what is coming in the future. Going through this season of life has made me hungry for the coming eternity, my heart longing for our time in heaven when Grandma will know us all once again. I hope for that which Jesus has promised, the renewal of all things:

We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure. (Hebrews 6:19)

I am grateful that this world is not the end of the matter, but simply a preparation for the magnificent future awaiting us, a heaven where there is no dementia, no blindness, deafness, or aging. Looking forward to this frees me to love now and helps take away some of the pain of loss. Our current life is much easier to enjoy simply because I know the best is yet to come.

Loss doesn’t rule, hope does.

Love, Mom

Nothing is Wasted

September 21, 2015 / Shari Baar / 6 Comments

Dear Daughters,

Last week Dad and I went to the Hagerman Flea Market on Highway 30, just outside of town. As we were browsing through the canned jams and jellies, t-shirts, and antiques, we came upon Ronda, the designer of many attractive, striking hats.

Since it is often over 100 degrees here in Idaho, I have been looking for a brimmed hat to help me endure the heat. Ronda had displayed various creative hats of all colors and styles. When I asked about them her face lit up and she began to tell me stories about all the different old jeans, woolen shirts, and colored canvas fabrics she had found or been given from her family and friends. She loves to recycle and reuse, so started the hat enterprise Sew Adorable.

I was amazed at every single square inch of jeans that had been used in her hats, the frayed hems, the well-used riveted pockets, even the worn-out flies. Ronda spoke with such affection, telling the stories of fabrics she had used. She encouraged me to touch the rough and scratchy textures of the wool and other piece goods I had never felt before.

Articles of worn out clothing that others would see as trash, Ronda saw something new, attractive and necessary for living in Idaho. Seven of the hats she had made just the night before, she mentioned with pride. She told about Barbara Streisand standing on a ship in the movie Funny Girl, wearing a hat that had been an inspiration for one of her creations. Many other movies gave her encouragement for a wide variety of hats. I listened in awe to her love of sewing and her joy in designing beauty that she and others can enjoy.

I tried on a few cute denim caps but quickly took them off because I was not happy with my large pointy ears sticking out. Ever since high school they have been hidden because our school secretary told me one day, as I was wearing a pony tail, that my ears were not at all attractive and they would be better covered up. Funny how we remember things like that.

Anyway, I found a good large-brimmed hat that fit well and covered my ears. Ronda taught me to roll up certain sides of it to evoke different moods and styles. Not that I do any of that evoking, but it was interesting nonetheless.

As I was walking out with my new purchase, God reminded me that he loves to recycle and reuse as well, making good out of the almost discarded.

There were many days that I felt like my marriage was old and worn out, not worth much and possibly ready to be tossed. There were too many disagreements over raising children, money, movies, food – any subject you can name. On most topics Dad’s and my opinions were the polar opposite of the other’s.

Going into marriage I hadn’t a clue how to talk calmly and resolve a conflict. I would either shut down and grumble in my mind or do the hit and run thing – shouting out what I thought was the right thing to do, then leave the room. I had no idea how to agree to disagree.

I’m sure you remember one night when I came home from teaching piano in Muskegon. It was Dad’s turn to put you all to bed and he did the unthinkable (in my mind). He let you go to bed with wet hair and I flipped out at him, ranting that by morning the pillows would be moldy, there would be fungus growing on your faces and who knows what else. Dad stood there stunned and speechless. Then I walked away.

As I look back on that incident, I’m quite certain that it must have happened on one of my PMS days, but even so it was quite an irrational accusation.

Throughout the years I’ve learned that every conversation ending poorly or well, every time I got angry about insignificant details, was a stepping stone in the process of learning to converse with grace and respect. Of course there will always be disagreements, but they are necessary so we can learn how to resolve conflicts peacefully.

It has taken us many years to learn the skill of stating our opinions, needs and desires calmly and humbly. Of course there are still times when I get riled up about something and do not express myself well, but I’m learning.

As my friend Joyce says:

I’m not where I need to be but thank God I’m not where I used to be. I’m OK and I’m on my way.

It takes a lifetime for two strong-willed people to love one another. It takes time to learn what’s really important, to sit down and talk through differences without attacking one another.

In my earlier years I became fixed on my failures, feeling so stupid for things I had done, wishing they could have been deleted. Embarrassment, shame and humiliation, would be heavy on my mind. I would think of those failures as a waste, having no worth at all. Now I see them and other times that I’ve messed up as the means to drive me to Jesus. I simply cannot do life well on my own.

God knows we are going to blow it with our husbands and children. No matter what we say and do, we will be misinterpreted, tempers will flare, words will be shouted in anger….and every one of those sins we commit are opportunity for apologies. Apologies to our husbands and confession to God.

Nothing, nothing is wasted. As Paul says so eloquently:

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28

That little word all is so important. It’s not just the inspiring actions we do or the pleasant words we say that God loves. It’s the times when we say the offensive words and do what we don’t want to do, that give us opportunity to humble ourselves. How God loves humility and the restoration of relationships.

Because God looks on your past with mercy and uses all things for your good and your growth, so you can know for certain that nothing in your life is wasted. He makes all things beautiful….in His time.

Love, Mom

The Lure of Ashley Madison

September 6, 2015 / Shari Baar / 0 Comments

Dear Daughters,

Last week Dad read that there were only three zip codes in the United States that had no connection to the Ashley Madison scandal. Two were in Alaska, one in New Mexico. Each town had a population less than 300.

Divorce lawyers are saying that it may be Christmas in September. The truth is revealed, vows have been broken, lies and deceit come out into the open. Many who had made promises in their lives have opted for something different than the love and faithfulness they had vowed.

Why does that make my heart so sad?

It brings to mind the people I have known who have divorced, the children who struggle decades after the split is final. I think of the couples I know who have had affairs and the heartache and despair that comes with betrayal. I have seen how it shatters families for generations to follow, and it grieves me.

Divorce begets divorce. Faithfulness begets faithfulness.

I had two neighbors when we lived in Kalamazoo. My neighbor to the east came from a family that didn’t believe in divorce. They fought for faithfulness, worked to love and forgive. Generations ago it started, and so it stays today.

My neighbor to the west, a sweet older woman had been divorced decades ago. Her two children followed her example and also divorced.

They were both my friends, we visited often over the fence, shared tea and life together for the short year we lived there.

As a teacher, I have seen the impact of unfaithfulness on children. Learning becomes more difficult because their head space is filled with grief, guilt and abandonment. Their minds are overflowing with emotional trauma, so have no room for learning. As divorce rates continue to climb in our country, so do the Emotionally Impaired learning groups at school.

Family stability, faithfulness and security are so important to young children. Without it children grow up to be adults who continue to suffer from the fear of abandonment and anxiety that comes when parents betray one another and an adult walks out of their life.

Ashley Madison made it so easy to cheat, one could do it in the quiet of their own homes, discreet and anonymous. At least that was the strategy.

Lots of people these days despise the Ten Commandments. They seem so constricting, so narrow, old-fashioned. But I find it interesting to read in Romans 13:9-10,

The commandments, `Do not commit adultery, do not steal, do not covet,’ and whatever other commandment there may be are summed up in this one rule: `Love your neighbor as yourself.’ Love does no harm to its neighbor. Therefore love is the fulfillment of the law.

The reason that God gave us those legendary Ten Commandments can be summed up in one word.

Love.

It was His love for His people. He knew the heartbreak and hurt that unfaithfulness brings and He wanted His people to be free from that sorrow. He desires that we keep our wedding vows and learn to love.

God also knows that we are incapable on our own to love the same person – day in and day out, for years, decades, sometimes half a century – without His help. So He stands ready and waiting for us to call on Him for help. How Jesus longs to be invited into your marriage so He can teach you to love, because it certainly does not come naturally.

I think the word love is being confused with warm feelings and emotions in our world today. When the initial glow of marriage wears off, we mistakenly believe that love is gone. It is not gone, it simply needs to mature. And the only way it can mature is through difficult circumstances. Too often people give up as soon as challenging situations arise.

Enter Ashley Madison. Intrigue, secrets, chasing someone new, all have initial exhilaration and excitement, but along with that always comes lots of stress. Let’s face it, whenever we have to keep a secret of such enormity it creates anxiety.

I remember throwing a 50^th surprise birthday party for Dad awhile back. People were coming from out of state, reservations had to be made – all under cover and in secret. E-mails had to be deleted, lies had to be told while trying to look like I was telling the truth. It was tough to remember what I told to Dad and what I told to the people coming to the party because, of course, it had to be two different stories.

A friend from many years ago owned a large contracting business building bridges. People would ask him how he could keep so stress free with the high level job that he held. His reply, “I always tell the truth, and then I don’t have to remember what I said.” A very wise and simple statement, but rare in today’s world.

Whenever there are secrets (apart from surprise parties), shame, guilt, and anxiety usually follow. The bottom line of the Ashley Madison mindset is Shhhhhh…..it’s a secret.

As I’ve written before, we have an Enemy of our souls whose goal is to divide, split, and ruin our marriages. Satan delights to see strife, anguish, and bitterness between couples. Make no mistake that the love story of your marriage is set in the midst of a war. Jesus is a reconciler, Satan is a divider. Jesus loves you, Satan hates your very existence and is doing all he can to dissuade you from believing that your marriage is important.

Recently I’ve been reading Preemptive Love by Jeremy Courtney. Jeremy, an American, lives in Iraq with his wife and two children, obeying that simple command of Jesus to love your enemies.

In war, a preemptive strike is based on the assumption that the enemy is planning an imminent attack, so there is a bold attack that hopefully comes before the assumed attack of the enemy.

What if we used preemptive love in our marriages? We know that our Adversary will attack us, tempt us to be discouraged, thinking that nothing will ever change, that we deserve better. So….why not decide to love boldly, seek to reconcile when there are wrongs, and fight with love, which Jesus tells us is stronger than hate?

The Bible tells us that as we run the race of life, we travel our journey before a great cloud of witnesses (Hebrews 12:1). When we face a decision to dismiss our wedding vows to do some married dating, looking for someone superior to who we have, the whole universe waits – angels, demons, our friends and foes, even God himself – and watches with bated breath to see what we will do. The question remains: Will anyone trust the loving heart of the Father to come and transform our marriage, or will we shrink back and follow our emotion of the day?

Always remember that the decisions you make are not just for today, they will affect not only you, but generations to come. It’s easy to dwell only on our own hurt and dissatisfaction with our husbands, but we need to think beyond now and the consequences that our choices will have for those who come after us. Yes, we may have to suffer a little now – love when we don’t feel like it, forgive those irksome quirks, take time to listen to his side of the story, intercede for him, – but it is worth it. You will see.

Love, Mom

Someone Better

August 25, 2015 / Shari Baar / 4 Comments

Dear Daughters,

Have you ever looked over at that husband of yours and wondered “who is this guy?” There are times when, even after decades of marriage, it seems as though I am living with a stranger.

When we marry, we are often in love with a fantasy rather than a real human person. While dating, our best side always shines, but then marriage and reality come, flaws surface and we begin to wonder if we ever knew him in the first place.

How can we know when we marry who our man will turn out to be? On the other hand, how can he know who we will become?

I must admit that I married for selfish reasons. I married because I wanted security, children, a soul-mate, and someone to make me happy. I soon found that this was not Dad’s central focus. He had work to do, dreams to chase, and he was thinking that my central focus in life should be to make him happy.

I began to consider that perhaps I had married the wrong person.

While dating, Dad saw only a joyful, cheerful woman. During the seasons of our lives, however, he has seen me angry, disheartened, sick, hopeless, livid, and thankfully at times, that previously joyful and cheerful woman as well. To be fair, I have seen all those same passions in him.

Instead of being repulsed and ready to bail when those potentially divisive events happen, what if we expected marriage to be about helping each other grow out of our flaws and sins and into the person God is creating? It would be much easier to expect those challenging times and when they happen, and understand that this is just another facet of love (patience, kindness, forgiveness…) that we need to learn.

But, alas, our selfish natures demand that we get our way. If we don’t we often throw a tantrum, give the silent treatment, or some other unproductive behavior.

When I married Dad I had no idea where our lives would go. I thought I had married an Idaho dairyman, just like my two sisters. Indeed I had, but for only four short years. Then it was off to Michigan with our two little girls, enrolling in seminary, moving and living in five different houses in five years as Dad was required to do internship work in various cities and states. There were times, after a move, that I would feel as if I had been thrown into the spin cycle of a washing machine, then tossed out into a whole new world.

Coming back to Idaho for vacations, I would often be envious of the families who were still living in the same house, having a somewhat predictable life and putting down roots with friends. They went to the same grocery store every week, they knew where everything was down each of those aisles, and they didn’t get lost while driving in their town. I remember going back to Michigan with that big green-eyed monster dangling its tentacles in my mind.

Early on I found that I could not depend on friends to last. I would get to know people for a few months, say good-bye, and start over in yet another location. It seemed that saying hello and good-bye would become the only predictable events I could count on in my life.

At this point I had a choice to make: I could either accept and rejoice in the life that God had given me (I had certainly not chosen it) or I could wallow in the mire of self-pity, wishing I was some other guy’s wife living an established, non-moving life. For a time I did not accept my lot in life. I began to see God as cold and non-caring; I did not trust that He loved me. It certainly didn’t feel like He cared.

David the King spoke my feelings so well:

My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?

Why are you so far from saving me, so far from the words of my groaning?

O my God, I cry out by day but you do not answer, by night, and am not silent.

~ Psalm 22

Have you ever felt forgotten, dropped by God, hearing nothing but silence from heaven?

Here I was, a pastor’s wife, going through the motions of being a good church lady, but inside disappointed and disgruntled with my life and with God. Dad had become a stranger to me, and I to him. He was intent in his work, striving to show himself a good pastor, me delving into making a somewhat stable life for you girls.

You may have felt that separation in your own marriage, going in different directions and drifting farther and farther apart. The next logical thing seems to be to split up, try someone new, find someone better, someone more compatible. But you know what? I have talked to many married women and have found none that live in a compatible marriage.

Tim Keller teaches “…that the great thing about the model of Christian marriage we are presenting here is that when you envision the ‘someone better,’ you can think about the future version of the person to whom you are already married. The someone better is the spouse that you already have. God has indeed given us a desire for the perfect spouse, but you should see it in the one to whom you’re married…. The only way you’re going to actually begin to see another person’s ‘glory-self’ is to stick with him or her.”

Marriage is, at its best, trusting God with the man that He has entrusted to you. Yes, there will be fights, misunderstandings, anger. But continue to pray for him more than you criticize, encourage more than condemn, build up instead of tear down. It will take a lifetime for God to change us all, molding us all into that someone better that we are looking for.

When I finally made the choice to thank God for where he had placed me and bloom wherever I was transplanted, I found joy and peace. Not quickly, not overnight, and not without struggles, but I became free to focus on the many delightful people that God brought into our lives and kick out the monster of envy. As Paul writes, “…I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances.” Philippians 4:13

Rest and rejoice in the knowledge that Jesus has you in the right place, right now. His ways are not our ways, but they are good. Even if it feels as if God has dropped or forgotten you, the fact is, He has not. Cry out to him, for the ability to love better and bolder, anticipating and enjoying the ways that you and your husband are becoming one.

Love, Mom

Branches and Trees

Page 17 of 22

Major & Minor

Joy

A Franciscan Benediction

Family Trees

The Wonder of Rain

Pruning

Snake River Float

Dementia, Deafness and DMV

Nothing is Wasted

The Lure of Ashley Madison

Someone Better

Archives

Recent Posts

Recent Posts

Recent Comments

Stories and Songs

Meta

Archives

Categories