Musings on Marriage

Tag: Trust (Page 2 of 2)

Snake River Float

Dear Daughters,

Advertised as a Class 3 float trip with plenty of whitewater action and beautiful scenery, it was a gorgeous September day on the Snake River.  Ninety degrees and a blue sky speckled with clouds was beyond anything Dad and I could have asked.

Packing our lunches in waterproof bags, we filled our water bottles and drove the five minutes to the launch spot.WW

We listened to our licensed, professional guide, Mike, explain all the safety procedures should one of us be thrown into the river during the 10-mile trip. Nervously I asked if it was often that people were tossed into the rapids.  Mike replied that they had employed one guide who dumped out adventurers quite consistently but she lost her job when it became a noticeable pattern.  He assured us that his record was much better and if we all paddled together the excursion should be quite enjoyable yet exciting.

Mike was in the back acting as our rudder and the eight passengers were instructed to Forward row, Back row or Rest, according to the orders he gave us.  Simple enough.

As we pushed off, the river was calm and Mike took us to a spot where he was certain we could spot a sturgeon prowling the waters. After several minutes of peering into dark water the four-foot sturgeon finally appeared to entertain us with his graceful roaming.

Then our first rapid appeared. FORWARD ROW!, Mike shouted, and we all started rowing, clumsily clanking each other’s paddles.  Even though we were less than stellar rowers we were through that rapid in about ten seconds

It was time to relax with some calm water and enjoy the osprey and blue heron gracefully standing on the sides of the river. Mike also pointed out the blackberry bushes, of which we stopped and sampled, as well as poison ivy, which we did not.

As we were remarking about the rugged beauty, amid the pillow lava, Mike told us that one of his floaters a few weeks earlier asked if he and the other guides went out to place the rocks and bushes so beautifully on the sides of the river. He chuckled as he told the story, wondering how anyone could consider asking a question like that.

There were a few more minor rapids and we as a team continued to improve on our rowing, not jangling our paddles quite so much.ww (10)

Then appeared the largest rapid of all. My heart started racing and fear riveted as I looked ahead, seeing the whitewater of the river looming ahead of us.  I detected that the water close to the beach was much calmer, but no, Mike headed for the center of the river where the roughest water was churning.

FORWARD ROW! Yelled Mike.  Down into the first wave we plummeted and our entire crew was drenched with 58 degree water. KEEP ROWING! He yelled. Sure, I thought. Keep rowing as I’m falling into Dad’s lap and onto the top of the guy in front of me. I was exhilarated that I had held onto my oar and was not floating in the river.  I was not going to be paddling for a while. ww (6)

Amazingly we all stayed in the raft and navigated that rapid quite well. Just when my heart had quieted and we were on calm water again Mike said: That was so much fun let’s do it again!

Thankfully I was able to keep my mouth shut, but in my mind I was shouting: Are you kidding me already? We barely survived that one, I have a good memory and I don’t need to do it again.  But FORWARD ROW!  was the command and Mike turned around and steered us back into that same rapid, again directly into the center and most violent part.

Of course the story was repeated again. Once more we got through with everyone intact and thoroughly soaked.  But you know what?  The second time through it was not as scary and I was actually able to keep on rowing part of the time and not fall onto the people around me.

Shortly after we were able to see the only Frank Lloyd Wright designed home in all of Idaho. Hidden completely from the roadside, it was somewhat visible from the river. ww (13)

After a few more drenching rapids, our crew became more unified and there were less and less clanking oars as we learned to work together and concentrate on obeying and trusting our guide. I viewed every rapid from then on as a challenge to keep rowing and stay in my seat.

Eventually we came to the end of the journey, and at the take-out said good-bye to our new found friends. After we got home Dad and I chatted about the joy and beauty of the trip.  He had gone on the same excursion back in April by himself because I was not so brave.  But the shared adventure of the outing made it much sweeter as we relived together the delight and challenge of the trip.ww (7)

After the excursion I reminisced about the times we were plunging into the various rapids and thought about life and how, if I had a choice, would always stay close to shore where the calmer water lay. But God has seen fit to bring Dad and I, as well as all of you, through turbulent rapids – times when we have had to hold on for dear life, continually trusting our leader and guide, Jesus Christ.

At times it has seemed as if our lives would capsize and we would go under, never to come up again. But here we are, still in the land of the living, and growing stronger day by day.  He knows what is best for us, and walks us through those difficult times, as we are able to grow up and become more like Him.

When things get rough, that’s precisely when we grow in faith.

One of my favorite verses for when I am going through rejection, chronic illness, fear of the future and loneliness is Isaiah 41:10:

So, do not fear, for I am with you;

Do not look around you in terror and be dismayed, for I am your God.

I will strengthen and harden you to difficulties,

Yes, I will hold you up and retain you with My victorious right hand of rightness and justice. 1000 Spring (2)

Hold tightly to your leader and your guide. Jesus will never let you go.  He loves you dearly, my precious children.

Love, Mom

 

 

 

 

Disruptions

 

The only difference between stumbling blocks and stepping stones

is how you use them.  ~ Unknown

Dear Daughters,

Disruptions.

It’s a word no one likes, but it’s a reality of life.  You know how you may have a day planned, a picnic scheduled, a vacation intended, a wonderful life that you imagined, a marriage you had hoped for.  And then something comes up to disrupt your plans.  Sometimes it’s a physical ailment, other times the rain comes when you’d rather it wouldn’t, a car accident, postponed flights, people who don’t agree with your ideas.

When Dad and I married 39 years ago I had my long-range plan in place – to live a peaceful yet challenging life on a dairy in Idaho. Cows As you know, only four years later my nostalgic plans were disrupted when Dad answered the call to move to Michigan to go to school so he could become a pastor.  This was not how I expected my life to unfold.

After living in four different states and 10 different cities, disruptions have become a way of life for us.  They have not become any easier, but we have grown accustomed to meeting and getting to know new people again and again.Stop (2)

We are often offended by disruptions.  Schedules and busyness can become addictive, making us feel like we are in control of our life.  We bring the kids to soccer practice, make sure there are clean clothes for tomorrow so we don’t have to dig some out of the hamper, try to have something edible on the table for dinner, get the homework done, try to have a little quality time with our husband….and the list goes on.

If you remember Bilbo Baggins the Hobbit, he was a person whose life was completely disrupted without his permission.  He was called on a journey that he was not prepared for, didn’t sign up for, never remotely volunteered for, and really was not at all interested.  But Gandalf came, brought him some friends and comrades and off they went into unknown, uncharted territory.  In the end, Bilbo grew up.  He did things he never thought himself as being capable to do.  He became courageous, brave, bold, daring and creative.Stones (5)

Or think of Dorothy.  She too was taken on an adventure unexpectedly because of the tornado.  She had not chosen to be carried in her dream to the land of Oz, but once there she made friends with Scarecrow, the Cowardly Lion and the Tin Man.  On her journey with them she learned compassion, bravery, how to stand up to become a warrior and a leader.

When God disrupts our lives with whatever circumstances he chooses to use, we are not usually too grateful.  We would prefer to order our own lives, follow our five-year, maybe ten-year plan for our life.  We like to be comfortable, doing things that make us happy.  However, God wants us to learn to love others as we love ourselves.IMG_20150527_161050636

I was so surprised 10 years ago when I read Victory over the Darkness by Neil Anderson and learned that God’s basic goal for my life is character development: being and becoming the person God wants me to be.

Really?  That’s it?  It sounded too simplistic.  I thought it was doing all the right stuff, being a fairly good wife and mother, teaching all my students to sing and play the piano.

Yes, those things are important, but the bottom line is that God wants you to become more loving, patient, joyful, peaceful, faithful and kind.  Nobody on earth can keep you from becoming that kind of person. That’s precisely why there are distractions, disappointments, trials and disruptions in our lives.  We often interpret the hardships in our lives as “Why is God mad at me?”  Instead we need to see them as “God loves me enough to mature me.”Stones (8)

Helen Keller, the woman who was both blind and deaf, wrote: “Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet.  Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision-cleared, ambition inspired and success achieved.”

So, we have a choice.  We can choose to see our tribulations as stumbling blocks, get angry about them, whine and complain about them.  Or we can accept disruptions as stepping stones and embrace the changes and challenges that come into our lives, knowing that Jesus will use these incidents to grow us up.Stones (4)

I don’t know of any parent who wants to keep their children in diapers.  We want our own children to mature, and God is our Heavenly Father wanting maturity for us as well.

A recent minor disruption in my life came a few weeks ago.  Grandma was at the podiatrist and was diagnosed with a toenail and foot fungus.  The cure is an anti-fungal lotion to be put on twice a day for months.  My first inclination was not “Oh boy, now I can better learn how to love and serve my mom.”  Nope, I will be honest and admit that I was grossed out.  But as I have been faithful in fighting the fungus I am learning to love her more.  She doesn’t remember much these days, but she does remember the pleasant foot massage that comes along with the anti-fungus cream.

God uses disruptions, whether in marriage or other relationships, as a potter’s wheel.  We need to remember that He is the potter, we are the clay.  He is the one shaping and molding us.Orange (2)

Let God mold you, shape you into His image.  For each person the specific story of circumstances will be different, but the Larger Story is always the same.  “The goal of our instruction is love.”  (I Timothy 1:5)  Accept what God allows into your lives with an open hand, willing to see how He wants to teach you how to love.  He loves you dearly and is walking with you every day, teaching and encouraging you in every disruption that comes your way.

Love, Mom

 

 

Trust Me

Stump (3)Dear Daughters,

A few weeks ago I was helping Grandpa and Grandma prepare for a trip to California with Aunt Rhonda and Valerie.  Although they have traveled down south many times in their lives it’s different now that they are older.

Dementia has changed everything.

Although the trip was three days away there were many wonderings, numerous questions, countless concerns.  “Who is going to take care of Willow when we’re gone?  Will she have enough dog food?  Who will feed the cats?  Will we have time to fill my eye drop prescription?  Who is driving us to the airport?  What time do we leave? ” As Grandma carried the calendar from room to room she asked, “What day is it today?  How many days until we leave?”  The same questions were asked over and over in variation during the course of the preparation days.  I simply said “Trust me, Mom.  Everything’s ok.”

Even though I had written down the answers to many of her questions, she continually thought up new ones. The day before the departure date, while Grandma and I were packing the luggage together, she assured me that she had never seen that carry-on before.  So I let her search through all the closets of the house, and when she couldn’t find the right one she reluctantly agreed to use the one I had chosen at the beginning.Suitcases

Finally the day came to depart.  The luggage was zipped up and ready to go.  I needed to go into another room to make a quick phone call so I left for just a few minutes.  When I came back the contents of the carry-on were scattered across the table.  “I’m just double checking to see if we have everything we need,” said Grandma.  With some slight frustration in my voice I again simply said “Trust me, Mom.  We’ve got everything you’ll need.”

I smiled to myself, being transported back 20 years ago to when you four girls were young.  So much of the same scenario presented itself except that now it’s my mother instead of my children doing these things.

An interesting part of this story is that a few days earlier we had 15 people over to the house, hosting an evening of music with some friends who love to sing. Mums (2) The pianist for the evening was Grandma.  She was full of smiles as she welcomed guests at the door, and was sharp as a whip at the piano.

All she needed was a sheet of paper with the names of the songs and the key in which she played them.  Whenever anyone chose a song from the prepared song sheet, they simply requested the song of their choice and within five seconds Grandma had the introduction in motion – flourishing arpeggios included.Songs (2)

It amazes me that one person can still be so gifted, yet have such deficits in other areas.  But isn’t that just like all of us?  We all shine in some way or another, yet have other areas that are not so shiny.

After Aunt Rhonda and Valerie left for California with Grandpa and Grandma, I got thinking about all the anxiety and worries that Grandma had been plagued with.  And I wondered if we ever look that  way to God.

Spiritual dementia.

We ask so many questions, What am I going to wear today?  Should I change jobs?  How are we going to pay all the bills this month?  Will there be enough water for the crops to grow well this year?  What if my marriage fails?  How about my friends, will they stick near me or will I be abandoned?  What if a tornado strikes our home?Weeds

On and on the doubts arise, the questions come over us like waves.  Does God really care about  all the  details of my life?  What about the choices my kids are making?  What if I get sick and can’t work?  What if identity theft happens to me?

Though it all God is constantly saying “Trust Me.  I love you, I care about you.  Trust Me.  I will never leave you or forsake you.  Trust Me.” I’ve had many anxieties over the years, betrayals, rejection – just like all of you.  But as I look  back on those years, God has given provision and comfort at every turn.

However, one thing he has not provided is understanding.  I would love to know the what, where and why of many circumstances, but that would take away the necessity of faith.  Of simple trust.Tree (6)

Things have often been difficult – in my marriage, in my work, in my mothering.  But I have learned to trust, sometimes grudgingly, sometimes simply repeating the words “I Trust You” when there is no emotion and very little faith behind it, and at rare times with assurance.

Looking back on six decades of life there are still times when voices from the past – condemning, accusing, mocking voices still haunt.  During those times too the words “Trust Me” have been woven like a thread throughout my existence.  There were years that I didn’t trust, thought that I knew better than God so I did it my way, which brought sure misery. There were times when I, just like my mother, looked through all the closets for a different way,  an easier way to live, and God watching and letting me search until I could find nothing else that satisfied. When I finally turned back to the words of truth: Trust in the Lord and do good.  Love your husband – just as he is, let go of your children and let me lead them… Then, and only then did I find sweet peace.     Purple                

Now that we’re here caring daily for Grandpa and Grandma I still need to listen to God’s voice saying “Trust Me” during the days of uncertainty, questioning and repetition.  And I pray that you, my beautiful daughters will learn to say those precious words “I Trust You” as well.

Love, Mom

Newer posts »

© 2026 Branches and Trees

Theme by Anders NorenUp ↑