For six years Larry and I lived with my parents as they approached the last years of their lives. Moving in with my parents when I was 60 had never remotely existed on my 5- or 10-year plan, yet it became an unexpected blessing.  We traveled from Michigan to Idaho to live with them and throughout those years I was continually amazed at how much I learned from my mom as she suffered from dementia.  Here are a few important life lessons she taught me,

Laugh at the repetitive humor – as a little child would

 Almost every night after we had cleared the dishes Mom asked, “What do I do next?”  And almost every night Larry’s response would be “Dance with me.”

He would put his arm around her shoulder and start doing the quasi-Rockettes kick while she stared at him in disbelief.  Mom would look over at me and say “You live with this guy?  I think I’ll send you a sympathy card.”

The same after-dinner conversation happened often, but of course it was new every day for Mom.  I learned to find delight in the repetition.

Many times during the day Mom would ask,

What do I do, what do I do? 

She simply needed direction and instruction about what comes next in her day since she would wander if left on her own. So I gave her jobs she loved and had done for decades yet  couldn’t remember what they were –  like watering the hanging flowers on the deck, emptying the dishwasher or help with making applesauce.

Sometimes we’d take a walk down the lane and talk about the crops growing nearby.  We would exclaim in amazement when the corn next to the lane grew taller than us.  Mom was a fair-weather walker, if there was a whisper of wind or if the weather was over 80 degrees, a walk would not happen. 

My favorite time of the day was 10:00 because it became music time. Mom had played piano for over seven decades so she had most hymns and popular songs memorized.  I could keep her busy by naming songs – anything from You Are My Sunshine to Amazing Grace – and she would play them beautifully by memory, complete with modulations and improvisation.  Although she didn’t ever know who I was (are you the lady that lives at the end of the hall?) she remembered the notes to every song I ever named.

One day I came into the den when she was waking from her nap.  She was in tears, crying out,

Lord, what do I do, what do I do?

Confusion reigned in her mind as it had become tangled and disobedient to her commands and desires.

What a beautiful picture of what we should be doing every minute of every day.  I need to stay connected with Jesus and seek His guidance to live my life well. He has promised to give wisdom to those who ask.  Sometimes He simply says,

Trust Me.  Give thanks because I am working for your good, even when there is confusion and darkness all around.

Whenever I instructed Mom to do work like snapping beans, she is usually eager, although not without a few moans and groans now and then.  But if there is no direction from me, she would have no idea where to go or what to do.  If I am out of sight for more than a few minutes I would hear her calling,

Help! Help!

I would quickly come to comfort Mom and steer her back again to set the table and fill the glasses with water…

My mom taught me so much during those days.  Even though her mind was foggy and forgetful, Jesus often spoke through her life into mine.

Look to the weak people of the world, there is wisdom to be found.